Spiralling Down

One week. One week back in my cesspit hole of a job to feel myself start to tip off the side of sanity all over again.

I hate it. I hate my job so much it infects me. It putrefies my thoughts and tears tiny bits of my soul away, day by day. I can feel myself erupting on the inside over nothing. Something someone says, an insignificant remark makes my mind seethe and my blood burn with angry lust.

I am becoming scarred with bitter frustration.

I am broken.

I have a new boss, and he asked me this week after hearing my story if I had any fight left in me.

“you do don’t you… have fight left in you?” He asked me expectantly.

I just turned my head away. Biting back the tears.

” I don’t know”

And I really don’t know.

My old boss stole my confidence, and crushed my creativity.

” The thing is Sach…” He would say patronisingly.

“You got a big personality. You just need to be a bit less Sacha… you know?”

Cunt.

He hated me. He hated what I represented and made sure I knew it.

I am disgusted with myself that I could let a man beat me down and crush me the way he did, the way work has.

He left, but I have given up. I have nothing left, no fight, no drive, no ambition.

My entire being is bruise and I am exhausted.

I am Sacha, and I am beautiful, but, I am utterly broken.

 

6 comments

  1. Sacha don’t let other define you, it is hard in this days, that is why I like you, you don’t pretend to be something that you are not. I am glad that you know you are beautiful, and it is ok to feel broken we all go through this.

    1. Thanks Doris, it’s true too many people pretend to be something they are not. Today is just a bad day, no doubt after some rest I will stand up and fight all over again… I have to. I am just tired of it, tired of people. Thanks for reading Doris 🙂 x

  2. I’ve been there and hear you loud and clear. Sending hugs and sweet holiday wishes your way.
    (I learned, and this was just part of my own journey, that I needed to develop a stronger sense of self – so that no one else could mess with me, my inner peace. I am better yet, still a work in progress)

    1. Thank you 🙂 and happy holidays to you too. I think I can learn from that, it’s always harder to do than say though and I want to have a stronger sense of self and self worth but it’s hard. Thank you, I will try. 🙂

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