Today I am just fucking angry. I can’t help it.
I am angry with everything, at everything, about everything and with everyone.
I don’t want to be consoled I feel like enough of a leper as it is without everyone trying to tread on eggs shells around me and tell me how well I’m doing. Fuck off.
I’m not in control, I am not ok, and I don’t wana hear that I’m “doing so well- your coping brilliantly”
Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.
The only reason everyone else thinks I’m coping is because I don’t do emotion in front of people. I only discuss fact and the action plan we are taking. What else is there? (Don’t answer that)
And then when I am on my own, I let silent tears fall down my cheeks.
All day everyday I am thinking about my eggs and IVF. I am losing the plot on the inside and a stone cold monster on the outside.
Whatever you think. I am not coping. Not one bit. Nothing about this is fucking ok.
This isn’t fair. And it’s taking too long.
I am angry at the world today.