Anger

Today I am just fucking angry. I can’t help it.

I am angry with everything, at everything, about everything and with everyone.

I don’t want to be consoled I feel like enough of a leper as it is without everyone trying to tread on eggs shells around me and tell me how well I’m doing. Fuck off.

I’m not in control, I am not ok, and I don’t wana hear that I’m “doing so well- your coping brilliantly”

Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.

The only reason everyone else thinks I’m coping is because I don’t do emotion in front of people. I only discuss fact and the action plan we are taking. What else is there? (Don’t answer that)

And then when I am on my own, I let silent tears fall down my cheeks.

All day everyday I am thinking about my eggs and IVF. I am losing the plot on the inside and a stone cold monster on the outside.

Whatever you think. I am not coping. Not one bit. Nothing about this is fucking ok.

This isn’t fair. And it’s taking too long.

I am angry at the world today.

:*(

6 comments

  1. It does help to let it all out on wordpress, doesn’t it?
    Today is almost over, so I hope tomorrow will be much better… please don’t get mad at me now. I’ll stop 🙂

  2. You’re angry because you don’t see how you’re going to solve the whole thing.

    Take a pen and a paper, and write down ALL the way to solve this issue. Then eliminate them one after the other. When you’ve eliminated them all, look at the paper, and say “shit”…

    You’ll certainly feel better then 😉

  3. I love writing… when you are angry and you write you let the shields down and say what you always want to say when you are angry except society will not let us. If I could snap my fingers and make everything right..

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