Adultland Excerpt

Adultland NEWAli, sets a weekly writing challenge, I try to participate where I can, although the days of me doing several challenges each week has dwindled. But this week I did participate. Partly because her challenge focused on an area of weakness for me. If you haven’t ever taken part you should. Check out her latest purple prose challenge.

I am not great at descriptive writing, drawing images and creating flowery writing, so I decided to have a go on part of the latest bit of Adultland. It’s at 14K and 8 chapters in, although I suspect by the time this goes live, it will be 9 or 10 chapters in. Below is an excerpt from the end of chapter 8. I have tried to tweak it to fit Ali’s challenge of ‘purple prose’ she did say no dialogue….I cheated, but then I never was one to follow the rules!

purple-prose

Chapter 8 Excerpt

I ran to the window, desperate to see an obvious clue, a sign, anything to explain what Hawk meant when he said ‘look down at the edge of the city.’

I slumped against the glass and peered at the crippled world below. The city looked like a broken solider, exhausted and weary after war. My chest tightened like a vice, tears clawed at my throat. I couldn’t believe that a single year of neglect could create such a mass of crumbling houses. Plant life ravaged entire sections of the city. Green spread like bacteria until it consumed its host.

I glanced at the wall; a merciless guard, towering above us, watching, just like the Hunters did. Silent, certain, infinite.

I squinted. I could see over the wall. The morning sun was high enough that I could see for several miles. Two more spheres bordered distant cities. I frowned, unsure of what I was seeing. I pressed my face against the glass straining, they weren’t spheres, they were walls. Walls that trapped other cities. Other children.

“Oh my god,” I gasped and took a step back. I stumbled into the office desk, the corner of the table dug into my thigh. I stepped back, tripped over a shoe box. A hand caught me, enveloped my body and stopped me hitting the deck. The sweet scent of a woody perfume wrapped around me. I knew that smell. Another hand slipped over my mouth.

“Don’t scream,” he said.

I narrowed my eyes. Fire ignited in my chest.

“Hawk.”

***

© Copyright 2015 Sacha Black

29 comments

      1. I’ll be working on a novella (or a novel if that’s how it turns out) to post on Wattpad. I want to get more of my original work out there other than quick short stories/flash fiction on my blog. And maybe broaden my audience a bit.
        What about you?

  1. Some good tension building there. I did notice that the “rules” said to break the rules so, in fact, by breaking them you were following them. (Just as a cheeky aside!)

  2. Oooh I’m liking the city like a broken soldier, that’s a great image! I am very honoured that you have used my prompt to aid you in writing this piece for your novel! ???? Lovely piece of writing, Sacha!

    1. :O Annika, you are so so lovely, you seriously made my week with that comment. I’m going to try and finish Adultland in NaNo! so wont be long! your comments so encouraging, I really am tickled pink <3

  3. Yep, nicely done. Good imagery, intriguing views of other walls, other cities and the tension at the end with the ambiguous hawk. I think we can considered ourselves pleased with that, Ms Black

  4. Glad you didn’t just stick to the sense of sight. Using the different senses is great as taking the reader right to the scene, which you did here. Great extract – everyone wants more!

    1. I didn’t? Well that’s reassuring! I didn’t even think about senses when I wrote it, so thats a relief i did do it!!………… :s *panics, checks through other work!* jolly good reminder. We must think about all 5 senses. Thanks Esther <3

  5. I think you’ve done a fabulous job with this my friend, not to mention the storyline is intriguing. I love your broken rules “Don’t scream.” Nice cliffhanger too! xo 🙂

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