Category Archives: That awkward moment when…

How To Take Charge And Write Your Own Way

How To Take Charge & Write Your Own Way

I love reading blogs written by other writers, editors, publishers and general creative bods. I particularly love reading blogs on ‘writing’ and how to write better. That’s why in my own blog I like to explore the lessons I’m learning as I progress on my journey to be a writer.

But there’s a snag. In reading all those posts, without realising, I got myself caught up in thinking I should be doing something a certain way. Using a character template for example, and then getting caught up in which specific template I should use, whether I should be using one for scenes or settings, having to outline, or not outline, style of note taking, being a pantser or a plotter, editing as I go or writing to the end and then editing… the options are endless and I wrapped myself up in a big knotty ball of stress trying to figure out which was the best method of writing to produce the best story.  Continue reading

The Abomination That is Disney!

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The wife has always had a penchant for Disney. I on the other hand barely watched them as a child, preferring to have my head stuck firmly in the pages of dusty old books. Disney came up in conversation again recently – having pushed a small human out – and the fact she wanted to have a large collection of disney films ready for the boy to watch. Sky had a few on demand over Christmas, so we sat down and stuck The Little Mermaid (TLM) on.

I sat, aghast for the entire film. How has disney been able to produce films that are quite simply an abomination. People – and by people I refer to the murky world of ‘parents’ – seem to rave about disney and how good their films are…. Good?

Good – sure, if you count a hideously antifeminist, despicably amoral story that has nothing even remotely like the ethics or values I want my son to grow up with.

I hate to be a mermaid basher so I will start with a positive. Race equality – TLM is a great story about how love is equal across any race, Mermaid loves a human, different races, love conquers all blah, blah, blah, Great – this is a moral I can not only live with, but as a lesbian, actively promote and encourage. I want my child to know they can love whoever they want, no matter their race, creed, gender or otherwise.

The Film:

Issue 1: Ariel falls in love with the prince. – So wrong. She spontaneously falls in love with someone she has never spoken to and mostly just perved on, in a fairly stalkerish way from afar.

Would you encourage your kid to do this? I doubt it. I can already see the injunctions and restraining orders being slapped all over him, because a stupid film told him real love happens by stalking someone for two days. Ok, I am being facetious but you see my point. I would also like to point out I am not suggesting that I don’t believe in love at first sight. More that you need to have a reality check in real life, even if you do fall for someone instantly.
Issue 2: Ariel wants to change herself to be with him.

I hate to go all feminist ranty on you. Actually, I don’t hate it, I love a good feminist rant. In fact, any sort of rant. I digress – BUT don’t we have enough antifeminist-bullshit pressure to conform to the ultra skinny, rib protruding, size of a seven year old, bulimic-anorexic, vomit inducing ‘celebrity look’ society the media loves, without having it force-fed subconsciously to our infants. UGH. No woman…. Actually no man either, should ever have to change themselves to be with someone. Is it just me? Or do we spend hours of our lives giving advice to our perpetually confused friends on their relationships, and why it’s not ok for them to allow their partner to nag them into suppression?

Issue 3: The prince starts to fall for Ariel but then deserts her instantly for a disguised Ursula over something so shallow as her voice! He decides to marry Ursula immediately having spent all of no time getting to know her…

Where do I even start with this. It is not ok to teach my child that they can desert a woman (or man) based solely on a characteristic. Thats akin to suggesting it’s ok to leave their partner if they get fat, or a scar, or a disability. I mean SERIOUSLY. And then to marry the other woman because of that same characteristic, after what 2.5 milliseconds of time spent with said woman… sure thats an outstanding idea. I am positive all parents would approve of their kids doing this.

Issue 4: Instead of Ariel taking her pride and moving on she pandas to the prince and chases after him. 

This makes me want to claw my face off in frustration and resort to excessive amounts of alcohol. How low must her self confidence be to chase after a guy who only likes her because of her voice and will desert her as quickly as he met her for another woman simply because she lost that characteristic.

Issue 5: After all that the prince goes back to Ariel dumping Ursula and THEN kills Ursula just for good measure.

Now I just feel awkward. No one wants to date a psychopath, and lets be honest, the prince is looking more and more like a psychopath; with emotions unnecessarily fickle, and an assumption that it’s ok to off your ex…

Despite the fact I am resolute in knowing TLM is morally wrong, it’s not like theres anything better on the market. I think I may have to go investigate the other films!

Antenatal reasons why I love my wife!

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We went to our first of two antenatal classes the other night, and boy did it start awkwardly!

We rocked up fashionably late – by total accident – we both despise being late, and the wife had been sent home from work as she was in excruciating pain from her bad back still from the car accident – Anyway – she slept most of the day away after swallowing a load of painkillers the doc had given her. After an epic three hour snooze and with barely 30 minutes to get to class I finally plucked up enough courage to wake her from what can only be described as some kind of zombie death sleep! I really didn’t think I would be able to wake her!

We rocked up – slightly late – with EVERYONE gawping at us, as we were CLEARLY the only gays in the village! and we awkwardly sat in the last two remaining seats, right in front of the strangest tutor I have ever witnessed.

This tutor – paler than a vampire, with an accent that was so confused she must have lived in every country in the world.

During the course she brandished an alarming wooden plank that depicted the dilation of the cervix which she then proceeded to push a babies head through the 10cm circle… to which all the women began to cringe slightly and I tried not to whimper and sob in utter despair!

I was a bit disappointed in the class to be honest – I only found out one new piece of information about some vitamin K that the doctors give babies straight after birth. The wife was like… “what do you expect your a geek….” she has a point!

Anyway – What this class taught me, is that I absolutely, love my wife, and wouldn’t be without her.

The tutor split the class into ‘girls’ and ‘boys’ – so my poor wife made the awkward journey over to sit in the ‘boys’ circle to discuss how they were going to support their wives.

WELL….. having been surrounded by women for so long – I had completely forgotten how utterly useless men can be.

Suggestions they came up with included – making sure you had the take out number because they deliver to the maternity unit – clearly thinking about their stomachs.

When I suggested that they should pack the hospital bag because they would be rooting around it as we were going to be in no state to look for shit one of the men turned round and said

“thats the womens job” – DICK HEAD.

This made me cross so I verbally dropped him on his arse and everyone giggled.

Anyway – this continued, and all the good suggestions that they had come up with I would look over to my wife and mouth “did you say that?” and she would give me that cute little smirk she does and nod….

Sigh, swoon, so proud. bloody love my wife!! <3

 

Baby Beat

So…

Baby heartbeat

I had my 16 week midwife appointment last week. It was wicked, I got to hear the heartbeat – and in fact I recorded it on my phone, and I am hoping that this works:

Hopefully that is an audio player that will play the heart beat! If so – enjoy 🙂

The appointment went swimmingly – all apart from the horrendous fact that – my midwife’s HOT… like really hot! I am going to be so so embarrassed when she comes to check on us the day after the babies born and she has to show me the ins and outs of breast feeding! or worst… has to check I’m ‘healing’ I am going to die!! lol. It really is going to be one of those “awkward moments when…”

Of course the wife found this all hilarious -and is now going book leave just to come to the next appointment so she can judge my taste!! haha.

You Know Your Pregnant When…

SO, the whole denying that I am pregnant is becoming increasingly difficult… I wanted to share with you some reasons why I cant really deny I am pregnant any more…

1. You know your pregnant when… You ask your partner for the 20th day running if you look pregnant or fat in this outfit, and they no longer answer, they just roll their eyes and stay silent!

2. You know your pregnant when… you get up for the 5th time in the night to do a pee…

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3. You know your pregnant when another one of your inconsiderate mates asks you if you got ‘fat’ yet and you want to punch them in the face instead of correcting them.

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4. You know your pregnant when… you exclaim that you have nothing in your wardrobe and for once its true, because everything is too tight.

5. You know your pregnant when… you’ve eaten curry for the third time this week and your wondering if you can get away with eating it for breakfast.

curry

 

 

6. You know your pregnant when… you have just made curry and think that putting grate cheese on it seems like a good idea.

7. You know your pregnant when… you develop narcoleptic tendencies at completely inappropriate times – like the middle of a meeting.

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8. You know your pregnant when… you sat at your office desk all day, and when you get into bed your feet are STILL swollen.

Thought I would share these little delights that I am going through at the moment, and are keeping me amused!

Sacha's Facebook Saga

I made an executive decision to delete facebook on Tuesday.

At the time I was seriously peeved with it, but now I might be getting some slight withdrawals…!

The thing with facebook, is that technically it really is a good way to stay connected, and it really is a good way of having a back up of all your photos. However, increasingly over the last few months I have been getting irritated with it.

I am prone to ranting, and writing statuses that may or may not be fleeting, I tweet angry tweets, and write angry blogs. However, I am not reaaaallly always angry. I know that it makes me look like I am innately angry, but I just get supremely irritated by things. Once I have ranted, tweeted, status’d or blogged its out of my system and I am over it. I don’t hold grudges, my moods are only temporary and basically everyone should ignore me. Plus, I don’t really mean the things I say most of the time.

That, however, does not stop people putting their two pence in. Now don’t get me wrong I 100% appreciate that if I didn’t write statuses people wouldn’t comment on them. But that’s one of the reasons I deleted it.

I started to feel like people were unnecessarily sticking their ore in. My mother felt the need to comment on literally every single status. If I swore she would say publicly don’t swear sweetie, or Oh is that French. COME ON, I am 25, and married for god sake. I do not need to be told when I can and cannot swear on my facebook.

If I was annoyed at something, or had ranted about something, people would tell me what I should and shouldn’t do.

Now, I know that people comment on blogs, but that’s different. I am asking for comments, I want the comments, I am actively seeking out engagement, and interaction.

Facebook however, I would make some blasé comment about being angry, or raging and people would literally think that I was about to hurt someone, or myself.

When did everyone get so serious? It’s a fricking joke, an off the cuff blasé, momentary feeling for goodness sake. Just because I’m raging at 9:02 doesn’t mean I am still raging at 9:04.

What tipped me over the edge was, I wrote a status about being in the worst mood ever, and of all people to comment on my status, it was one of the last people I saw before meeting my now wife. They wrote some patronizing comment about how I needed to change my outlook on life, I am too angry, it’s not healthy. FUuuuuuuuuCK OFF.

Seriously,

a) you of all people don’t tell me what to do, I haven’t seen this person in 3 and a half years, so what do you know about my life anyway and

b) what the hell makes you think you know me well enough to tell me what to do anyway

c) It’s a fricking status. It doesn’t mean anything. CHILL OUT.

Also, facebook kills peoples sex lives. In fact technology in general kills peoples sex lives. Since when did we become a society that doesn’t communicate any more? Lesbians in general are more in danger of suffering lesbian bed death than other people anyway. So I’ll be damned if I risk it for the sake of fricking facebook.

I did a little friend survey of those in relationships and asked how many of them suffer from that awkward moment when they and their partners crawl into bed at night, and instead of having a cuddle or communicating with their lovers, they prefer to sit on their phones, on facebook or twitter or whatever, in silence. Do you know how many said they did that…..

100%.

That is ridiculous.

So I deleted facebook.

In protest.

I don’t want random school friends that I don’t care about telling me what I should and shouldn’t be doing with my life, and I certainly don’t want to go anywhere near lesbian bed death.

So I am protesting.

 

I deleted facebook on Tuesday evening.

It’s now Thursday morning, and I think, ironically, I am having withdrawals because I suffered from a horrendous realisation….. I too am nosy, and love to know what people are doing or saying. I don’t however, stick my ore in where it’s not wanted!!

*sigh*

I don’t know yet, how long this angry protest will continue for. Probably not long! But I am holding out thus far!!

Friday Fails…

Everything anyone has ever said about weddings is true. Especially the come down.

I genuinely had the worst case of man flu that has ever existed….True story!!

I felt particularly sorry for myself, but I have now sucked it up, manned up,  and I am well on the road to recovery.

That is, except for the extreme exhaustion I am still feeling. This is a whole other level of exhaustion, it’s some kind of nasty life sucking, energy draining beast.

I can’t even think clearly, I am desperate to blog properly again, but I can barely drag… and I do mean drag myself out of bed, let alone blog. Whatismore, for medical reasons I am having to withdraw from caffeine…

This has led me to do a really good impression of death warmed up right now, I am also throwing in a pinch of the lights are on but no ones home just for good measure. I am not functioning. I don’t understand sentences, I cant text and this blog will ruin me for at least a few days!! 😛

Basically I am so tired I am totally incapable of doing anything… Apparently I am not young enough to do a typical Sacha and burn the candle at both ends and in the middle, and get away with it. I am paying a steep price… I look like the kid in the picture!!

 

Today was an epic failure, but Friday was so so much worst.

Friday…

Actually Thursday night…. We went for dinner with some friends and the usual Gran Canaria pride chat  came up again. After much discussion it was decided that like this year we would all go.

This year was epic, there was a group of about 10-15 of us that went, and it was genuinely one of the best weeks of my life. Anyway. I go to book the hotel, pay for it, and then realise I have booked the wrong dates. Fuck.

I ring the hotel in Gran Canaria, try to have a Spanglish type conversation and establish that its too early and I need to ring the travel company and sort it with them. Which I do and just about get it sorted after some serious fannying about on their behalf.

So I search for flights but can only find flights for the furthest airport away from us. ugh. But decide that I would rather book early than wait for the price to go up just so I can get a closer airport.

I book the flights, and go to bed happy.

Friday morning…

I wake up seriously bleary eyed and had to forcibly rip myself from my cosy warm bed and into the shower. Whilst I am showering I realise that I feel like something is wrong with the booking.

I pick up my mac and open the receipt page for the booking, everything looks fine. I open up the web page to manage my booking and to my horror, they have messed up my surname… (we have double barrelled btw). So I am particularly irritated at this point already seeing as I fucked up booking the hotel. I ring the stupidly expensive phone line and get half way through sorting the problem and the phone gets cut off.

RAGE.

It is at this point that I look back at the web page and utter horror washes over me, as I look at the dates.

I booked the wrong fucking dates.

How did I do that?

HOW CAN I DO THAT????…. twice?? for gods sake.

I go back to the search page just to make sure I am not going insane and I did actually search for the right dates its just the piece of shit web companies mistake for showing the wrong flights… and possibly mine for not double checking. *cough*

At this point, I am having to really suppress Hulk back down. I am also  late for work, have no caffeine, no breakfast and I need to ring the company to sort this out.

I get on the phone to one of them and they tell me to ring the airline direct.

More rage.

The airline tells me thats no problem they will change the dates and my name and wipe the admin fee… but the flights are more expensive. like £90 more expensive.

Not happy.

It is at this point I am now REALLY late for work, and I go to gather up my bag and stuff for work. I get flustered because I have had no breakfast and now cant find my wallet.

The wife rings… “Babe I just found your wallet in my car… do you need it?”

RAGE.

Of course I need it. So instead of going to work, I have to drive to her work to pick up my wallet first.

I check my diary to make sure I am not going to be late for a meeting and just my luck I have a 9:30am meeting booked in. Luckily its with someone who is ALWAYS late, or just doesnt turn up. Plus they didnt accept the meeting request, so I am pretty sure that they wont be coming.

I run into work throw my laptop on the desk and ring the guy I am meant to be meeting, who of course, today….is waiting for me in the canteen. Fuck.

So I have to run to the canteen, I get three quarters of the way there and realise I left the single most important piece of paperwork I needed in the office. At this point I am sweating and flustered. So I have to bolt back to the office rifle through a mountain of papers just to find one thing!!

When I get there. He has the smelliest, most tasty looking coffee, and I am beyond envious. withdrawal is not fun.

The last fail I managed to rack up on Friday was epic on a huge proportion.

I like to think of myself as technologically ‘with it’ I know how to use most technology without being told how, I like techy things, and generally I am very careful about which profile I use to say what.

Apparently, not when I am tired.

I managed to tweet my boss from my Sacha_black profile without realising, and inadvertently gave him access to my blog, my twitter, my rants… everything. #fml.

I just need to sleep. But my cats like to see to it that they get fed at ridiculous o clock in the morning, or let out, or in, whenever they see fit even if its at 2,3,4 or 5 am.

Even my work mate turned round to me today and said…

“mate… dont take this the wrong way… but you look like shit!!”

Great.