I am stewing in a pot of frustration and ‘feeling sorry for myself’.
I am frustrated with the wait. NHS appointment isn’t until the 26th Feb, when we find out if we are eligible for funding, but I am pretty sure we won’t be.
I ovulate before then… so I would lose another chance to get pregnant by waiting for the appointment. But if we go and I am pregnant then i will get spat out the system and not get the funding anyway. What happens if i miscarry or something awful?
So I have to decide do I take the risk and go to Denmark or do I wait and then be pissed off if the NHS wont treat me?
If I go to Denmark then its going to cost. Like 600 quid cost.
I am already in debt cause of the wedding, which I am trying to pay back but it just seems to keep piling on. Plus we will have to move at some point, as we live in a 1 bed, and we cant do that with a baby. (I know theres plenty of time to move, i’m just saying I need to factor it in.)
Moving requires a 1500 quid deposit.
Plus, my car broke last night. Fuel pump. That’s another 250-300 I don’t have that I need to shell out for.
I honestly don’t know why I am being dealt so much shit. This has to be the single worst start to a year I have ever had.
I’ve put weight on ( I know that’s my fault – but seems to be a vicious cycle at the moment)
and, I am falling behind on my studies, because I am constantly trying to fire fight.
I really need to be given a break.
I can feel the weight of everything pushing me down… somewhere dark. My head is falling back into it’s safetynet of depression.
I feel like a failure.