Tag Archives: first trimester

Pregnancy Fear

Fear.

Something all pregnant women experience. Whether about ‘being a mum’ or being ready or having the right things and breast feeding. We all worry and are fearful about something.

But, and I hope that my infertility friends out there agree. There is something about us women with issues that changes this fear.

It becomes an all consuming, infestation of fear. It eats away at our positivity, our happiness and leaves us with a putrid rotting mess of fear and worries.

Even when we do get that BFP, we panic until we have seen a scan, with two weeks till your next scan you ride a wave of joy for a week until the fear virus erodes away at your excitement until your a quivering nervous wreck again at your next scan convinced something bad has happened and your babies been taken away.

I have the virus. I have the fear. My 12 week scan is on Friday, 5 days away, and I am terrified to look at the screen terrified something will have happened.

I have fleeting panics about ‘silent’ miscarriages because my sister in law had one. Moments of mental anxiety so severe I swear my heart will start will bleed with fear.

With every disappearing symptom I convince myself its not because that’s to be expected nearing the end of the first trimester but because something bass happened.

We dislike the symptoms but they are a reassurance. A comfort knowing your bodies responding to the baby growing.

I have one small comfort, I developed a new symptom the other night, a persistent sour taste that won’t go away. It’s gross but I know it’s a good sign, so I’m clinging desperately to it hoping it will provide me some kind of antibiotic to my fear virus.

I just need Friday to come and the doctors to give me the all clear.

I have everything crossed.

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Baby Bump -10wks 3 days vs. 5week bloat!

Well, I am so glad I took a photo shortly after I found out…. I am not sure how I have rounded so quick, but seeing the two photos next to each other!! No wonder nothing fits me! This baby’s going to be a bloody whale!!!

First photo is me feeling bloated at about 5ish weeks

The second one is me in a bikini This morning at 10 weeks 3 days.

I honestly didn’t think that my body would change so quickly, I have been feeling like I was fat and must of put on weight but actually comparing the photos I see that my belly is round and not just flabby.

I feel better….

For all those commenting… Be nice I am fragile today!!

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Almost 10 weeks

So officially Im 9weeks and 5 days. And it’s getting progressively harder to stay quiet!!

We saw the nose, and it was wriggling around like crazy! It booted its leg out and we saw all its toes splayed. Then it wriggled its arms about and turned its back on us!!

But then… Just for a couple of seconds… We heard the heart beat!! 174 bpm amazing 🙂

It’s growing bang on size, the placentas growing and everything’s just perfect 🙂

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Projectile Sach

Morning sickness… That delightful reminder your carrying your child….

As you cling to what’s left of breakfast, lunch or dinner. You try desperately to console yourself knowing that “it’s a good sign” you try not to feel sorry for yourself or ask yourself why your doing it all! Because you know deep down it will all be worth it.

But today… Took morning sickness to some seriously ridiculous heights.

I like to think of the sickness as puke contractions… The familiar waves building stronger and stronger until your ready to heave ho out your last meal…

Well my puke contractions started towards the end of my last meeting at work. I could feel the sweat start to trickle down my back as I knew what was going to happen. I made a hasty retreat out of the meeting and threw my belongings into my bag running for the lift to the car park…

The lift… Or the torture ride…. Jumping and bouncing its way to the ground floor.

When I got to the door I ran to the car and ripped the door open crouching by it wretching for England. Nothing came up… So I tentatively got into the car and drive home.

About three quarters of the way home I felt the strongest wave of nausea I had had yet. I tried desperately to distract myself reeling off ridiculous word associations trying to think of anything other than puking whilst driving.

I skidded into the drive (ok not skidded, but pulled up fast) and left everything in the car running for my dear friend Mr. toilet.

I couldn’t get the key in the door properly, and the wretching began again, I ripped open the door as the key turned and dived head first into the toilet.

I have never experienced sickness like it. I genuinely thought I was going to suffocate. I threw up so many times in repetition I ran out of air and couldn’t breathe. Gasping for breath between hurls I gripped my temple as the pressure being forced through my head and eyes was unbearable. I really thought I might have burst something in my eye. But I couldn’t stop being sick I had absolutely no control over this violent projectile sickness.

Eventually I stopped throwing up, but I was clinging to the toilet seat shaking and gasping for air for a good few minutes. When I looked in the mirror I discovered that I had burst something but luckily not in my eye, but in my face. Lots and lots of tiny blood vessels burst and have me a nice puke rash all over my face!

So now, I am spotty, bloated, covered in a rash, sick and exhausted!

But it will be worth it… It will right?! ;p

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Tactical Chunder

7 weeks pregnant.

I have reverted back to my teenage days. I am a spotty lesbian! My back and boobs are covered in spots 🙁 and I have major hormone rage!! Everyone is pissing me off!

I still have sore MASSIVE boobies, thankfully the exhaustion is wearing off a little but….

Morning sickness has well and truly hit.

Because no one knows I find myself having to do tactical chunders as we used to call them at Uni!

Secretly puking and carrying on the night! Except now it’s day time and I have to do it so no one can see!!

We were at a friends house warming party last night and it got pretty late, I could feel a wave of nausea pummelling my insides. I gave the wife the knowing look suggesting that now would be a good time to leave, but she didn’t quite get the message cause she was having such a good time. After some furious leg tapping and a few more sharp looks she reluctantly got up to leave.

We had barely got out of there drive when I was making her pull into the roadside so I could lean out of the car door and tactically throw up by the kerbside grass.

Again today on the way up to my mums we were in stop start traffic and I was starving. Hunger combined with some dodgy clutch work resulted in the wife once again having to pull over so I could hurl my inside up all over some motorway grass….

The wife says she can tell when I’m not feeling so hot because I turn a funny shade of greeny white!!

I can’t wait for the scan on Wednesday. I have been really trying hard not to google anything but I read somewhere that once you have a scan with the heart beat and everything looks normal and you reach 7ish weeks the chance of miscarriage drops significantly and keeps doing so week by week… So I think it will help me to relax quite a bit if we get the all clear on the scan 🙂

Fingers crossed

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I am "Sleeping Breasts Sacha"

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Four Weeks &  Six Days

I don’t sleep, not usually! but boy am I tired at the moment, seemingly all I can do is zombie my way through the days and sleep, sleep, sleep the rest of the time.

I mean I took a fricking nap today! whaat?!

Usually I get 6 maybe 7 hours sleep a night, max. Sleeping is for the dead, feels like a waste of life. So I try to sleep just enough to get by. But now, oh boy, I’m napping here, napping there, feeling exhausted basically always, I am guessing this will continue for the next 20 years?!

I feel like I am already changing my perspective on life, I am slightly concerned that I might be lonely because none, and I do mean none of my friends have kids, they are all a few years younger than me, and are showing no interest in anything other than getting shit faced at the weekend. I had a search for some pregnancy antenatal classes in the area and there are a few, so I guess when I hit the second or third trimester I will try and go to some of them to meet expectant mums.

The other couple of symptoms are a little cramping like a period, but it’s fairly mild so I am guessing its just uterus growth, but by far the worst symptom I have at the moment is my breasts!!… apart from the forgetfulness so if I have already blogged about this then forgive me!

My boobs are so big and so swollen, I have already had to go bra shopping!!

I have turned into one giant sleeping boob!!

speaking of which… is it nap time??

zzzz ZZZzzZzzZZZZzZzzZZ