Tag Archives: friends

Sacha Found A New Muse

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This blog seems to have split itself into two, entirely by accident. The Sacha who is going through fertility issues, and the Sacha who started the blog to write because she so loves to write, but to blog her life – her journey to trying to be an author and her quest to find her dreams.

Well, having blogged a lot about the fertility issues, I thought I would take it back to the roots today.

For those who are interested in the fertility stuff, thanks to your kind advice, I have decided to go back to Denmark to try again. I should be going on Sunday, so I will keep you all up to date.

But today is all about muses.

With all the fertility stuff, my head became thick and groggy, and not only did my muse leave me, but so did every ounce of creativity and all my ideas.

Well, a friend came over a couple of days ago, lets call her EC and we were talking about books, when I happened to mention the novel I was trying to plan, and eventually write. EC was really enthusiastic and asked me all about it. But in asking me, she questioned me about the gaps and holes in my plan, where I had hit brick walls and failed to finish planning bits.

It was like someone had reignited the dying embers of s fire. I was beyond away, I was literally on fire.

I forgot that I think out loud. I am such an extrovert, that even my thinking is done on the outside! I think whilst I talk. Literally. Talking helps me to think through ideas.

So as she was asking me all these questions, I already had most of the answers in my head, because I knew the story and the characters, I just hadn’t pieced bits together, or hadn’t solidified the connections between characters.

EC fired question after question at me, and I pulled answer after answer out of what seemed to be thin air. But they all made sense and fitted. She is my muse!

She knew all the right questions to ask to get me to fill in my gaps, and with every answer she became more and more excited.

After the session which lasted well into the early hours of the morning, I spent the last few days mapping out and drawing up plans and sketches and doing lots and lots of work. EC then said if I wanted help she would come over and help me again. She just volunteered to do that.

I guess sometimes people surprise you in good ways, and not just bad ones. People who you don’t necessarily expect to want to help you. I mean, she is a dear friend of mine, she gave a reading at the wedding, was on my hen do and is genuinely one of my closest friends, but I guess I just never expected anyone to be that interested in my book. I think I had got to a place where I thought my story was rubbish and not worth pursuing. I hit a brick wall right before all the fertility stuff kicked off and my brain went into melt down. I lost all confidence in myself, let alone my abilities. But after her excitement and insistence on me finishing the story, and then volunteering to help again, I found a new confidence and drive to get the book back on track.

Well, this evening EC came back over, and we sat for 5 hours discussing the book. FIVE hours!!! she is not only a ridiculously good friend, but seriously how dedicated is that!? god damn love that girl! what a total legend. Then, she as she left she offered to come back again and help!! She thinks the story is that good!

The other thing which was nice, is that through the chats EC and I had, the wife also joined in. Which is lovely, because the wife isn’t much of a reader, and doesn’t necessarily find me harping on about my book all the time that interesting. So she doesn’t really offer to talk about it much which is a shame, because she is full of amazing ideas.

But anyway, after 5 hours of planning and discussion this evening, I am exhausted! I have some serious work to put into this book now, and all before EC comes over for another Q & A!!

What a confidence boost this last week has been, and what a truly brilliant friend I have.

EC, I love you to bits 🙂

The Old Boys Club of Women's Intuition

intuition-women

 

in·tu·i·tion

/ˌint(y)o͞oˈiSHən/

Noun
  1. The ability to understand something immediately, without the need for conscious reasoning.
  2. A thing that one knows or considers likely from instinctive feeling rather than conscious reasoning.

 

Women’s intuition is a really funny thing. It reminds me a little of an old boys club.

Most, but not all women have exceedingly good intuition. It’s a frighteningly powerful tool we use to seek out ‘wrongs’ or ‘no good’ but sometimes to seek out things we must do, or prevent.

Women generally like to over analyse everything, I am the ultimate example of an over analyser. It’s painfully annoying I hate myself for it, but I simply can’t help it.

I regularly sit around with my friends debating this ‘hunch’ I have, or a feeling I got when so and so looked at Billy bob in a strange way, and now I’m convinced that such and such is happening.

These discussions are highly secretive! If Billy Bob or whoever it was they were looking at were to interrupt or pass by, then hushed silences would fall over us, or indiscrete hand gestures would be thrown around the conversation bringing us to a rather undiplomatic silence.

The thing is our intuition tends to grow with our friends. One of my friends and I in particular, have a strange ability to throw a single look at each other, make one teeny facial expression and convey an entire conversation in an instant.

In fact I might only need to utter a single word or even half a syllable, and she will be nodding enthusiastically saying “mmm hmm, I thought so too”

Not that we would want to admit it, but we women are harbouring ourselves and our intuition in old boys clubs.

My point about this, is, we do strange things. We instinctively know when something’s wrong, when someone’s cheated on us or stabbed us in the back.

I pick up my phone a millisecond before it rings knowing its a particular friend.

And then…. Then there’s the really weird intuition, the intuition about our body’s….

If we pay just a tiny amount of attention to our body we can know all sorts of weird things.

Two months running I knew exactly when I was about to ovulate. So I got up and tested myself and got a positive result…

This month in particular was such a strong sensation that I sat bolt upright and just “knew” even though it wasn’t when I ought to have tested.

Women know things. We do. And we use them to do special, amazing and impossible things.

I think that I knew, I must of. My body must of told me to take that fertility test all those months ago. Something deep down an intuition, an inkling – that despite all the dismissals from the wife and doctors saying I was wasting my money- that I needed to take that test to prove I needed to do something now.

Why else would I of gone against professional advice?

The thing that I love about these boys clubs is that all the women around you coo and cluck in agreement affirming your suspicions because they too ‘had a feeling’ or simply understand because they’ve been there before.

We have an ability to know when you meet someone for the first time if they are a good egg or a bad egg.

I can reel off numerous examples of meeting someone – take another one of my friends, she had this new girlfriend that I took an instant disliking to for no apparent reason. I mean, I met the poor girl for a couple of hours, and immediately hated her. I couldn’t tell my friend why, either. I just didn’t like her.

Turns out the bitch was a psycho, and because I’m a good friend I didn’t say ‘I told you so’ !

In fact, my instinct is so acutely sensitive one of the wife’s best mates asked me to go to dinner with his new girlfriend to suss out whether or not she was worth hanging on for.

Turns out I didn’t like her either, and as it happened, she was a bad egg too.

Sometimes, we just know.

What I am hoping, is that I will know if I’m pregnant before I can test in two weeks… After the insemination yesterday two weeks of waiting is a seriously long time. It’s going to kill me. I’m impatient at the best of times but waiting two weeks for something this important is literally torture.

Maybe I’m over analysing because I’m desperate for a ‘sign’ but seriously…

We know shit right?? Sometimes you can know?!

God I hope so because otherwise it’s going to be a fucking long two weeks!!

 

Q&A

I LOVE games like this, and after a pretty shitty day to find that I had been tagged in this Q&A game by DystopiConvert, cheered me right up :D.

 

The game involves answering a group of questions and then formulating yours, and passing them along….

The rules are as follows:

1.  You must post the rules.

2.  Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post.

3.  Create eleven new questions to ask the people you’ve tagged.

4.  Tag eleven people with a link to your post.

5.  Let them know they’ve been tagged.

 

So the questions I was asked and my responses…

 

1. If you found out you were going to die tomorrow what are the three things you would do today?

Make love for a seriously large part of the day, visit my mother, and lastly make sure I saw all the people I loved.

2. Name three things that make you happy

Money, Sex, Writing (not in that order)

Money gives you the ability to have quality time with your loved ones doing fun things, Sex… is well Sex!! and lastly I was born to tell stories, I just need to focus, and not let life get in the way!! Plus it makes me very happy.

3. If you could go back to the past and change one thing, what would you change and why?

Dont like regrets. If you change one thing then you wouldn’t be the you, you are today. I would be someone else, living another life. But, for the purpose of this, I think, I would do it all again, only BIGGER, BADDER, and MESSIER hahahahah

 

4. Beer or wine?

Wine darling, every time! Rose to be precise. Or tequila!!!! Not that, that was an option!!

 

5. What is the best book you have read this year and why?

eek. Ok I am guna cheat, the best book I read in the last two years was the day of the tryffids by john wyndham because it changed my view on life.

But the best book I have read this year was a little indy book called

‘A disturbed girls guide to curing boredom’ by James Howell, who has just released his second novel, that I still need to read.

6. Name the song you have listened to the most this week?

ERM…. not sure either the Mash up song of Oasis and greenday – wonderwall and  boulevard.

Or the gemini remix of Ed Sheeran’s You need me, I don’t need you.

7. If you had the power to change the world in one way, what would you do and why?

I would cure depression. It’s a vile, disgusting beast and a silent killer. Actualy writing a piece of flash fiction on it.

That or I would make chocolate calorie free!!!! hahahaha Oh and good for your health!!!!!!

8. What is the craziest thing you have ever done?

flew to the other side of the world (california) and then took an 11 hour bus ride to hollywood just to meet the fling of the moment. Ah well, thrill of the chase an all that!!

That, or climbing two thirds of the way up Mt Everest…. Got to base camp, that was pretty mental!!

9. Name one icon you admire and why

Hmmm… I dont really idolise people so this is a hard one. My great Aunt (RIP) was my hero. but someone famous…

10. If you could go to one place before you die, where would it be?

China… I need to get a bit of China and Japan in my life, got a two month travelling trip already planned out.

11. Home boy/girl or party animal?

P>A>R>T>Y             A>N>I>M>A>L

All the way. No question.

 

OK, My questions:

1. What book has had the most influence on you, e.g did it change your perspective on life, touch you emotionally, leave you traumatised etc etc.

2. Tell me in a paragraph or less about the ‘one that got away’ The person you loved and it didn’t work…

3. If someone wrote a biography about your life, what would it be called, and why?

4. What was the last thing that made you cry (good or bad)?

5. What one thing pushes your buttons and makes you mad without fail?

6. Would you rather have super strength, or super intelligence?

7. What three words would you use to describe yourself?

8. You can only eat one meal for the rest of your life, and you wont have any ill health side effects… what is it?

9.  Who or what inspires you?

10. What couldn’t you live without?

11. What was your best night out ever??

Can’t wait to see some of the answers to this….!!

Storm Silvermane, Tilly Jean, Verbal Banter, Kira Moore , Its a big world, two caged birds, gaybymama, clotildajamcracker, the lesbian saga, flying on the rainbow, Novia Olam

My lesbian love story…

With a little over 5 weeks until the big day, (wedding day) I thought you might like to hear how I met my future wife

In true Sacha style, not only was my proposal unique (that’s a story for another day), so was the way I met my beautiful partner.

As if fate had always intended, not only did I live on the same street as my future girlfriend, we had mutual friends, and I worked in the pub she drank in.

I must have served her a million times before we met, and for some reason we had never noticed each other.

That’s a good thing because we were both in relationships.

About three and a half years ago on exactly the same day, fate struck again. We both became single, under different circumstances but it happened on exactly the same day. Both having been in substantial relationships neither of us were particularly fussed about meeting someone.

Exactly six days later….

I was at work, had been in the kitchen of my student bar so stank of chip fat and grease, but a mutual friend of ours persuaded me to grab my spare t shirt and head to the club. So off I went with my stinky work combat pants and spare t shirt, no make up and no hair done, generally looking a state, and slide up to the bar to cue for a pint. At this point my future girlfriend apparently spotted me with our mutual friend at the bar (I was oblivious at this point) so she decided to grab my attention.

She trotted up to the bar and barged passed me shunting me to the side as she whispered in our mutual friends ear. Furious I turned round ready to scruff this random rude girl up. I looked at her, and melted instantly. She was genuinely the most beautiful women I had ever seen. I felt sick with butterflies.

She went back to wherever she came from and I grabbed our mutual friend gasping “who’s your friend? Tell me she’s gay and tell me she’s single??”

The mutual friend groaned and said she is, but only recently I wouldn’t go there if I were you.

Too late.

I was hook line and sinker for this gorgeous women.

I made our mutual friend introduce me, and we stood chatting, I was barely able to make conversation I was so hideously full of butterflies and adrenaline.

There was at this point another girl, who was obsessively chasing me and I had absolutely no interest in her. I told the future girlfriend this and she said, bold as brass in front of me “well why don’t you let me kiss you in front of her, and she might go away…?” she said grinning at me with her cute white teeth and mesmerising smile.

I about threw up there and then, and felt my legs want to give way. I giggled completely unable to utter a response, and wished beyond anything that she would just kiss me, and ravish me right there in the club. I wanted her. BAD.

We spent the rest of the night chatting and talking, she had me wrapped around her little finger instantly, and I was captivated by every syllable she said. Four of us went back to my house for a while and then we walked everyone back down our road a few houses and into her house. We chatted until the early hours of the morning. It must have been about 4 or 5am and I started to shiver  her house was not the warmest, so she went to get me a duvet. The four of us carried on chatting and I sat on the sofa next to her as she laid the duvet over us. Our mutual friend sat on the other side.

Whilst we carried on chatting she put her hands under the duvet, and edged it closer to mine. I could feel the warmth from her hand getting closer to mine and it made my stomach churn.

Our little fingers connected, and I could feel the electricity between us. We held hands under the duvet till the light came up. I said good night we her number in my phone, and walked home with a grin I couldn’t remove.

We spoke all week and met up a few days later. A week after we met, on my birthday, all our friend were out, it was a london underground party and I was dressed as ‘Angel’ a slower song was being played by the Dj and we sidled up to each other dancing slowly arms locked around her neck. She looked into my eyes and her soft lips touched mine. It was the most delicious kiss I have ever had, and all our friends cheered whilst they danced around us!

That was three and a half years ago. Now, in 5 weeks time, she will be my wife.

I will tell you how she proposed next time!

 

NOTE: This is not actually us!!

THIS IS NOT US!!!!!