Tag Archives: humour

30 Mistakes to Avoid Before You’re 30 #MondayBlogs

This week, sees me turn the corner into a new decade.  On Friday, I’m going to be 30.

I’ve gone on a bit of a rollercoaster of emotions over this birthday. I think most people do the same when they reach a new decade. So I figured, rather than do a philosophical reflection that’s all deep and meaningful, I’d just shamelessly confess all the dumb shit I’ve done over the last 29 years 11 months and 28 days. Continue reading

5 Obnoxious Questions People Ask Writers

Today, I have a guest post from the wonderful Sarah E. Boucher, we met through Twitter, and have regular chats about all things writerly. She has two books, Midnight Sisters and Becoming Beauty, both twisted fairytale retellings. I can’t wait to read them.

If you fancy a proper giggle, you have to read this. So without further ado, over to Sarah. Continue reading

Parenting Lessons from the Terror Tot – Potty Training 101

Potty TrainingWritespiration is on hold this week. I’ve been busy potty training. As well as the fact that this month is my target month to complete my manuscript draft of Keepers (and next month I have to finish the edits ready for beta readers) so the blog has well and truly taken a back seat.

I have heaps of comments to approve or reply to, a bunch of personal emails that need tending to and my usual boat load of pre-scheduled posts is in a deficit, so sozberries, right now I’m drowning!

So I thought I would bring you baby black terror tot extraordinaire with his latest lessons in parent training… Continue reading

10 Reasons Why Being A Writer is Like Being A Parent

Today is my son’s 2nd birthday. Even though I’ve written this in advance, trust me when I say, I cannot believe that two years has passed. Time has always seemed to fly by, but its at moments like this that I really get shocked at just how much has slipped through my fingers without me being mindful. I look at him with his curls bouncing under 3 feet of body, yeah – he’s already over half my height!  I still wonder where on earth he came from, and how he can have been inside my tummy and yet, in two short years, talks and giggles and poops like a machine!

It got me thinking about just how similar being a parent is to being a writer. Here’s why: Continue reading

The Mother of all Statuses

Admittedly I dropped off the face of the planet, but in my defence I did push a rather large baby out my whatsit  9 weeks ago!

I met a mummy friend today, and she told me she was starting a blog, so I figured I had no excuse as a veteran blogger! So I am officially jumping back on the wagon. It was a fight to dream land with baby black but now he’s down here I am catching up!

I figure the quickest way to update you on the last 9 weeks is through short sharp Facebook statuses – Here is my last 9 weeks in brief:

 

4/2/14 Had the boy weighed today… 14lb… He’s a stone… A STONE!! Wtf!!

I just want to state for the record 5am is NOT play time 

1/2/14 And that is why I deserve a pair of Louboutins!…. And the fact I pushed a baby out my…!

cinder

 

30/1/14 Someone seriously needs to invent breast pads that actually work  this is not a good look

leaky

29/1/14 8 hours later, several nappies, play gym, bumbo, vibrating rocking chair, several feeds, me covered head to foot in leaked milk, sticky arms, no bath, no pee, inhaled food, practiced sitting, standing and grabbing and finally I managed to tire him out enough for one…. Just one nap…. I am shattered, PLEASE for the love of my sanity stay asleep.

And he’s awake again. Some one actually shoot me.

28/1/14   8 week health check and vaccines… FML

25/1/14  Dear pampers/huggies can you please invent a dry baby wipe that still cleans but isnt cold and wet like the normal wipes, because they ALWAYS wake the baby up in the middle of the night when u need to change them. Thanks

23/1/14  Won’t nap during the day when u want them too… But by god will they fall into an unwakeable coma the minute u want them to be awake!… In other news I’m pretty sure there’s sick on me somewhere the smell of stale cheese is following me and I can’t find where it is!! #fml

21/1/14  So tired today 🙁

20/1/14  5000 changes later a gallon of poo, dozens of nappies, half a roll of kitchen towel, several litres of sick, a rather large bogey, two giant pee pees, half a pack of baby wipes, and finally a bath, Atlas is clean, dressed, fed and passing out –

I on the other hand am rather sweaty, covered in several layers of poo, sick and wee, my child’s bogey and oddly macaroni cheese! When is my wife coming home…. — feeling fresh

16/1/14  Apparently these are the same age – UGH no wonder I can’t find anything to fit him 🙁

baby grow

 

15/1/14  Looking fabulous covered in projectile vomit as I walk into tescos…. Note to self – keep a change of clothes for mummy not just baby in the car!

9/1/14 Hate to have a bitch and moan but how in the hell is this model representative of post birth women? – amazon are idiots

skinny bitch

 

“severe” tummy muscle separation and an average healing time of 5-6months – which means no proper exercise for 5/6months – definitely shedding a tear today — feeling gutted.

Ok that would be the 4th change of clothes… #sigh

Definitely initiated into parenthood this morning – pee and sick on the bed followed by projectile sick on to the floor and three changes of clothes all before I’m dresses and out of my room BUT it’s all ok… You know why…. We have laughter as well as smiles this morning – and that made it all ok again!!

8/1/14 And we have a smiling baby black and it’s not just wind!!

28/12/13 Where has 4 weeks gone? Can’t believe we have been parents for 4 whole weeks already!

25/1/13 CHRISTMAS DAY

Thank you everyone for the love and messages  I just got home safe and sound but under strict rest orders and have some heavy duty antibiotics but on the mend 

Would really like to go home now — feeling sad.

So for Christmas Santa bought me a stay in hospital, IV antibiotics and some serious abdomen pain  merry fudging Christmas everyone! — feelingill.

23/12/13 Officially running on empty — feeling drained.

22/12/13 I now have full appreciation for the need for ‘family cars’ trying to breast feed and nappy change in my car is a full blown FML situation!!

…That priceless moment when ur little bub holds on during a cuddle and u just know u were born to be a mummy/mama/daddy or dada…. 

21/12/13 Best day ever when u can put pre pregnancy trousers on and they aren’t uncomfortable…!  still a long way to go though!!

20/12/13 Find “milk drunk” babies hilarious

15/12/13 Calling all breastfeeding mothers – upon leaving the house post feed – make sure your top is pulled up and ur bra covered particularly when entering supermarkets!

12/12/13 Forget being ambidextrous…. Having babies give you toe and feet dexterity!! I’ll be painting the Mona Lisa with my left toes in no time!!

10/12/13 Advent calendars…. The reason why mummies with Christmas babies know the date!!

8/12/13 you know your wife has OCD when she has to go out to matalan to buy cream mittens because you have put white on next to a cream baby gro!!! — feeling amused

6/12/13 Day 1 at home 9:15am everyone’s bathed and dressed and he’s been fed…. Hmm I’m thinking this is the calm before the storm!! :s

You Know Your Pregnant When…

SO, the whole denying that I am pregnant is becoming increasingly difficult… I wanted to share with you some reasons why I cant really deny I am pregnant any more…

1. You know your pregnant when… You ask your partner for the 20th day running if you look pregnant or fat in this outfit, and they no longer answer, they just roll their eyes and stay silent!

2. You know your pregnant when… you get up for the 5th time in the night to do a pee…

015-cartoon-girl-needs-to-pee

 

3. You know your pregnant when another one of your inconsiderate mates asks you if you got ‘fat’ yet and you want to punch them in the face instead of correcting them.

A_Colorful_Cartoon_Angry_Pregnant_Woman_Royalty_Free_Clipart_Picture_100608-004154-981053

 

4. You know your pregnant when… you exclaim that you have nothing in your wardrobe and for once its true, because everything is too tight.

5. You know your pregnant when… you’ve eaten curry for the third time this week and your wondering if you can get away with eating it for breakfast.

curry

 

 

6. You know your pregnant when… you have just made curry and think that putting grate cheese on it seems like a good idea.

7. You know your pregnant when… you develop narcoleptic tendencies at completely inappropriate times – like the middle of a meeting.

jdun761l.jpg

 

8. You know your pregnant when… you sat at your office desk all day, and when you get into bed your feet are STILL swollen.

Thought I would share these little delights that I am going through at the moment, and are keeping me amused!