Tag Archives: National Health Service

Psycho Sach

1960, Psycho

 

Don’t feel like talking much, I am trying really hard to stay positive. I feel like a psycho. Up one minute down the next. Same shit as last time, think I am pregnant one minute, convinced I’m not the next.

Much less stressful this time, because pretending your positive eventually makes you feel temporarily positive. But the two weeks is taking an achingly long time to go.

In the morning I will be 4 Days post IUI, and 8 days till I am due on…

This time feels longer than the last.

I hate waiting.

Not only am I waiting to test, but I am also waiting for an appointment with the NHS again. It’s beyond frustrating, I am on a waiting list, for an appointment, just for a fucking appointment. During this appointment, I will just be referred to an IVF clinic. Which means I will go on another waiting list.

I wont get an appointment for the referral appointment until the end of April. Which means I wont go on a IVF waiting list till May at the earliest.

 

HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE WAITING

silently_waiting-t2

 

Why can’t I just be pregnant already?

I want to cry.

The Road to IVF

fertility

Where do I start…

I am due on tomorrow. I had a BFN this morning, and yesterday morning, and the day before and the one before that… *cough* yes, I am clearly nuts. Lesson learnt, don’t do early tests!

I have to say that I was ok, I mean I was disappointed, but I was ok, I think if it got to the 3/4th time, and I was still getting BFNs then I would start to freak out.

This morning, we had our consultation with the consultant and I have to say to my utter shock and dismay, we have been accepted for IVF. I mean I really did not expect that. I thought that we would have a huge fight on our hands, have to battle to get IVF from the NHS, I thought they would say no. But they didn’t.

They said YES… YES YES YES

poster-hell-yes-800

 

We went into the appointment and they talked us through the risks and chance of success. Which they put at around 40% (but I figure I am young… so it may be higher??)

Then he just said, so how do you want to proceed, and I was like…

“er… pardon?”

he said “well, are you happy to proceed with IVF?” As if it was our choice?

I was like “ER YEAH!!”

So I have to have my tubes checked, and go back in two months, with the scan, and then they will refer us to any clinic we want, I was like the one with the shortest waiting times please.

and that was that!

We are in the system and on the way to IVF… I can’t believe it.

I am going to ride this IVF high for a little while, until I realise how many drugs and hormones I am going to have to take!!

HAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

 

F is for…

frustration

I am stewing in a pot of frustration and ‘feeling sorry for myself’.

I am frustrated with the wait. NHS appointment isn’t until the 26th Feb, when we find out if we are eligible for funding, but I am pretty sure we won’t be.

I ovulate before then… so I would lose another chance to get pregnant by waiting for the appointment. But ┬áif we go and I am pregnant then i will get spat out the system and not get the funding anyway. What happens if i miscarry or something awful?

So I have to decide do I take the risk and go to Denmark or do I wait and then be pissed off if the NHS wont treat me?

If I go to Denmark then its going to cost. Like 600 quid cost.

I am already in debt cause of the wedding, which I am trying to pay back but it just seems to keep piling on. Plus we will have to move at some point, as we live in a 1 bed, and we cant do that with a baby. (I know theres plenty of time to move, i’m just saying I need to factor it in.)

Moving requires a 1500 quid deposit.

Plus, my car broke last night. Fuel pump. That’s another 250-300 I don’t have that I need to shell out for.

I honestly don’t know why I am being dealt so much shit. This has to be the single worst start to a year I have ever had.

I’ve put weight on ( I know that’s my fault – but seems to be a vicious cycle at the moment)

and, I am falling behind on my studies, because I am constantly trying to fire fight.

I really need to be given a break.

I can feel the weight of everything pushing me down… somewhere dark. My head is falling back into it’s safetynet of depression.

I feel like a failure.