Monthly Archives: July 2012

Surely not a good Monday?!

 

It’s about this time on a Monday when I usually start ranting about how shit it has been. Someone or other has pissed me off, something has gone horribly wrong,  etc etc. In fact, I secretly love the fact so many ridiculous things happen to me. It gives me funny stories to tell and hopefully some good anecdotes for others to enjoy.

HOWEVER, I am dumbfounded to find that I have NOTHING negative to say!!

My heart bleeds!

I almost don’t know what to do with myself it has actually been an above average day!!!

Despite my usual Monday routine of: waking up, getting ready, passing out again fully clothed trying to scrape the last few minutes before leaving for work, cradling coffee the rest of the day went surprisingly well.

This is odd for me, firstly because I love a good moan, or rant. It saddens me that I have nothing to moan about! *at least I am honest!!*

Perhaps I should enjoy the moment!

Secondly because I have the worst luck with Mondays, they normally feature somewhere between diabolical and worst days of my life.

Anyway.

I am a trainee manager, and on a ‘scheme’ at work, and today I was given a budget for a project that will remain nameless because it is an extremely large national project that is running across all authorities. The fact that I will have some responsibility over a budget is fab, and also something I think, not many other grads have had the chance to do yet. Which considering I have my mid placement review tomorrow, is beyond excellent timing.

I have had some seriously good feedback about my role in this project too, which was also great, and a real boost to my confidence, particularly because I haven’t really enjoyed the work I have been doing.

Then, I decided that I wanted to shape my next placement. I do not want to be in the situation where I am not enjoying what I am doing. More to the point, because of my drive to be a millionaire in 10 years see other blog! (http://sachablack.wordpress.com/2012/07/12/this-time-next-year-rodney-well-be-millionaires/ )

I decided I want to look at property development. So I thought considering the company I work for has a huge portfolio I would try to get a placement in their property department. So I nudged a bit and prodded in the right direction and it’s looking promising to say the least!

This is a major win!

It is only 6pm… maybe I shouldn’t count my chickens just yet!!

An unusual proposal

 

I used to be the president of my Students’ Union. Definitely the best job in the world! Anyway this isn’t the point.

I had to get elected into the position, so there were 2 weeks of long elections, where you are beyond exhausted because you campaign, campaign, campaign. I think I must of only slept about 4 hours a night.

I was voted in by a huge majority, and had one of the best most productive years in a long time. So I have been told I left a bit of a legacy, that’s not for me to determine, but it was nice to hear it all the same. I was just passionate. I lived to work. Obviously this wasn’t great for the gf. She had to put up with me working all manor of ridiculous hours, put up with constant ranting; and emotional swings, where something had either gone my way, or gone seriously wrong.

We also had a few housing issues whilst we were together and I was in the Union. We lived in one room, sharing a house, so there was little privacy, a lot of arguments, fallings out, my cat being abused, we ended up moving out two months early and paying rent on two properties just to protect ourselves and the cats. Suffice to say it had been a fairly stressful year. The University, Union and town we lived in had been a bit of a legacy for us too.

So I was coming to the end of my term as president, and I couldn’t re run, so instead I decided to get involved in announcing the results of the next president and other elected officers. We were in the Students’ union pub. It was noisy and rammed full of friends, family and other students, all hoping their candidate was going to win. The atmosphere was electric, all my friends were there to support me leaving, but I had gotten all emotional trying to announce the results.

I dont do emotion, and I definitely don’t like other people seeing me emotional on the rare occasions that it does happen.

All day the gf had been saying weird things to me, and I (wrapped up in the elections) just ignored it, and brushed them off.

She was saying things like:

“Oh sweetie, I know this is hard for you, it’s the end of an era.”

“Sach, we can move on, start a fresh.”

“Babe, this is the start of a whole new part of our lives.”

etc etc. If I hadn’t been so wrapped up in the union, and admittedly my own ‘end of an era’ I might have thought something was up. But as it was, I didn’t, I just thought she was trying to be supportive , if a little odd!!

Anyway, I was all flustered and upset once the results were announced and I hung around for a little while to say congratulations to the successful candidates. Particularly because one of them (the one who won president, was the mutual friend of ours that had dragged me out the night I me the gf).

Anyway I started to get upset again. So I said to the gf I was going to go home, but she should stay because of our mutual friend. When I said I was going home. I was only going to get changed and have a word with myself so that I calmed down and sorted myself out. I had intended to come back out. All and I do mean ALL, my friends and the gf’s friends were trying to persuade me to stay out, and some a little too forcefully, which I also thought was odd. Apparently I am stubborn!! and so I was like “thanks guys, but no, I am going home”

I asked one of my friends to walk me to my car, they gave me a hug because I had tears flooding down my face. I couldn’t really see, for all the tears had clouded my eye sight. But I had a funny sensation that someone was following me.

We reached the car park, and my friend suddenly disappeared like a shot as I was fumbling for my keys. I turned round to look for where they had gone and the gf was bent down on one knee holding a ring out. I saw a flash of colour in the corner of the car park, but my eyes were still too foggy to see clearly, especially as I didn’t have my glasses on.

“It wasn’t meant to be like this…. but baby will you marry me?”

Well obviously I just cried harder at this point!!

“Y, y, y, yes” I stuttered out, half crying, half giggling. As a huge crowd cheered and 40 people ran out from the corner of the car park. All our friends had been hiding watching her propose to me. (Which I later find out, was meant to be in the middle of the Students’ Union pub!)

I wore a ring on that finger anyway a ‘commitment ring’ which we both had. The gf  pointed out, that in order to get the engagement ring on, I needed to remove the other one. This just made me giggle more. I took it off and pushed on the engagement ring, and bent down to get her up off the floor and give her a massive kiss. Everyone just cheered louder at this point.

I guess now I see why she kept dropping comments in about it being the start of a new phase, the end of an era.

Although I joke, about how ridiculous it was to be proposed to in a car park, the sentiment was there, and I think it’s kind of romantic really. Especially when so much of our life had revolved around the union.

This was a year and a half ago, and now we are just over a month away to the big day… eek.

My lesbian love story…

With a little over 5 weeks until the big day, (wedding day) I thought you might like to hear how I met my future wife

In true Sacha style, not only was my proposal unique (that’s a story for another day), so was the way I met my beautiful partner.

As if fate had always intended, not only did I live on the same street as my future girlfriend, we had mutual friends, and I worked in the pub she drank in.

I must have served her a million times before we met, and for some reason we had never noticed each other.

That’s a good thing because we were both in relationships.

About three and a half years ago on exactly the same day, fate struck again. We both became single, under different circumstances but it happened on exactly the same day. Both having been in substantial relationships neither of us were particularly fussed about meeting someone.

Exactly six days later….

I was at work, had been in the kitchen of my student bar so stank of chip fat and grease, but a mutual friend of ours persuaded me to grab my spare t shirt and head to the club. So off I went with my stinky work combat pants and spare t shirt, no make up and no hair done, generally looking a state, and slide up to the bar to cue for a pint. At this point my future girlfriend apparently spotted me with our mutual friend at the bar (I was oblivious at this point) so she decided to grab my attention.

She trotted up to the bar and barged passed me shunting me to the side as she whispered in our mutual friends ear. Furious I turned round ready to scruff this random rude girl up. I looked at her, and melted instantly. She was genuinely the most beautiful women I had ever seen. I felt sick with butterflies.

She went back to wherever she came from and I grabbed our mutual friend gasping “who’s your friend? Tell me she’s gay and tell me she’s single??”

The mutual friend groaned and said she is, but only recently I wouldn’t go there if I were you.

Too late.

I was hook line and sinker for this gorgeous women.

I made our mutual friend introduce me, and we stood chatting, I was barely able to make conversation I was so hideously full of butterflies and adrenaline.

There was at this point another girl, who was obsessively chasing me and I had absolutely no interest in her. I told the future girlfriend this and she said, bold as brass in front of me “well why don’t you let me kiss you in front of her, and she might go away…?” she said grinning at me with her cute white teeth and mesmerising smile.

I about threw up there and then, and felt my legs want to give way. I giggled completely unable to utter a response, and wished beyond anything that she would just kiss me, and ravish me right there in the club. I wanted her. BAD.

We spent the rest of the night chatting and talking, she had me wrapped around her little finger instantly, and I was captivated by every syllable she said. Four of us went back to my house for a while and then we walked everyone back down our road a few houses and into her house. We chatted until the early hours of the morning. It must have been about 4 or 5am and I started to shiver  her house was not the warmest, so she went to get me a duvet. The four of us carried on chatting and I sat on the sofa next to her as she laid the duvet over us. Our mutual friend sat on the other side.

Whilst we carried on chatting she put her hands under the duvet, and edged it closer to mine. I could feel the warmth from her hand getting closer to mine and it made my stomach churn.

Our little fingers connected, and I could feel the electricity between us. We held hands under the duvet till the light came up. I said good night we her number in my phone, and walked home with a grin I couldn’t remove.

We spoke all week and met up a few days later. A week after we met, on my birthday, all our friend were out, it was a london underground party and I was dressed as ‘Angel’ a slower song was being played by the Dj and we sidled up to each other dancing slowly arms locked around her neck. She looked into my eyes and her soft lips touched mine. It was the most delicious kiss I have ever had, and all our friends cheered whilst they danced around us!

That was three and a half years ago. Now, in 5 weeks time, she will be my wife.

I will tell you how she proposed next time!

 

NOTE: This is not actually us!!

THIS IS NOT US!!!!!

Boredom is a virus

Boredom is like a virus.

 

It’s a disease.

 

It starts with a unitary cell and spreads slowly and calculatingly through your whole body, until your entire being is depressed.

 

One brain cell, followed by another, and another, and then it spreads to your blood stream and into your muscles. Fatigue swells through your limbs and fights the nodules of energy in your muscles; causing you to feel restless and itchy.

 

It makes your whole body ache with irritation. You want to resort to childhood tantrums, except you can’t because you’re at work and it’s not allowed. You can feel your soul wriggling around inside you tempting you to do something naughty or inappropriate, just to explode out of the boredom.

 

The problem is, boredom isn’t momentary. Once you are bored, it infects everything. Suffocating your motivation, and drains you of energy.

 

When I am busy, I get lots done I am efficient, effective, and creative. But when I don’t have enough to do, I get angry. My inner hulk, is awakening, I can feel the familiar burn of rage brewing deep in my gut. I want to lash out at everyone because I am frustrated, but I can’t. They haven’t done anything. It’s me. I am frustrated at my situation, I am unhappy, but worst, I am bored. Bored of the same 8 hours a day, miserable at the lack of challenge, and tired of being surrounded my uneducated, close minded idiots.

 

Boredom is a virus. I am infected. I am contagious.

 

Rolling out the red carpet of intuition

I have found that people either have intuition or they don’t. I haven’t come across many shades of sort of got intuition.

Apparently I have got it.

 

Yes, I studied Psychology, but it’s more than that. Psychology at degree and masters level is very theory driven, everyone always thinks its that ‘pop’ psychology. With the body language reading etc etc. It isn’t really. I mean you can choose to study that if you want too but generally my degree had nothing to do with that.

Anyway, I kind of knew I had a penchant for reading people and making pretty good character judgements quickly, but I guess I never knew how good.

I was recently rolled out to meet one of the gf’s friends (lets call him Luke for this blog) and his new bit (lets call her Anna). Because Luke and the gf wanted me to suss Anna out and see if she was a ‘good egg’ so to speak. I made a few general comments about Anna to Luke, and it was like a light bulb went off. We had dinner, so I couldn’t have spent much more than 2 or 3 hours with them. But when I made these comments and what the ramifications could be for their future relationship, it seemed like the penny dropped for Luke. He had already had some concerns but I guess he couldn’t place them.

Could have been a one off I guess but I have three other stories over the last year or so in a similar vein.

1. My friend started dating a new girl. For no particular reason, I took an instant dislike to her. To be honest it made me seem completely unreasonable, and my friend wasn’t happy with me. But when she asked me what I thought of her new girlfriend, I told her. I didn’t like her, and she gave me bad vibes. I couldn’t explain why, or how I knew that, but she didn’t and I really urged her to get rid of her. Well, she didn’t not straight away anyway. It took nearly three months. But after that she turned into a total psycho. I mean really, seriously mental. My friend got the hell out of there before she turned killer, and I tried hard not to say I told you so.

2. I had a hair dresser for the best part of a year, and then a new girl started. She started washing my hair before I had it cut, and after a little while I started to get anxious about going to the hair dressers. It got really really bad, I would have full blown anxiety attacks and couldn’t understand why. After a while I put two and two together, and realised that it was the new women washing my hair. I was again completely unreasonable, but would freak out and told my hair dresser I didn’t want her washing my hair and that I would come in with my hair wet in future. It got so bad I didn’t want her anywhere near me. I had no idea why I felt so strongly, I just knew she was bad news. Anyway, a little while later, I admitted to my hair dresser that I didn’t like her one bit and I thought she was bad on the inside, and he stopped what he was doing and said

“are you joking me?”

Me: No, why?

Hairdresser: She has been stalking me, took my number off the work system, and followed me home the other night, pushed me down the alley and said that if I didn’t have sex with her she would tell my manager I raped her.

It transpired that she had been spreading malicious rumours about him, and making his life a misery trying to break up his relationship etc etc. This women was married with kids and everything.

I have to say the anxiety settled after I found out, because I understood why I was feeling like that.

3. This is horrible. Please don’t think that I accuse people randomly or think bad of everyone I don’t. But this is different.

I think I live next door to a child abuser. We moved into this house 1 year and 2 days ago and I have been trying to get the authorities involved ever since.

When we moved in I met him shortly afterwards, and I instantly felt my skin crawl. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I felt physically sick when I saw him. I refused to walk outside alone when he was there, and generally the feeling got worst.

I have noticed him taking the same kids into the house, and they don’t look happy. He obsessively cleans his car, including the boot… removing every tiny spec of dust and dirt. I have NEVER in the whole year I have lived here, seen the curtains open. He keeps himself to himself, and does a number of other odd things.

Anyway, I felt so uneasy that I went to a police friend and asked them to investigate on the quiet, and was told they couldn’t. Then I went to a police colleague in the security unit, and asked them to investigate formally. Now I am on placement in children’s services I have spoken to a couple of senior managers and social workers about how I can get him investigated. The problem is I don’t know his name or the name of the kids. They won’t do anything with out names, to my abject horror and disgust. It is beyond frustrating. I feel helpless, and more helpless to help the kids.

Thing is, I know its not just me who thinks it anymore. The other day my neighbour behind me had a full blown row with the guy calling him a paedo and threatening to bosh him if he ever hurt a kid. I swear I never said a word about what I thought to him. You have to wonder when it’s not just you who thinks it, there has to be some truth. The police were called and everything. I wonder whether they would be more likely to believe my hunch now that the police have been involved already

We have a gut instinct for a reason, and I am convinced mine is right.

I won’t give up and I want him investigated.

This time next year Rodney…. we'll be millionaires

 

OK, don’t laugh…. actually you probably will because this sounds ridiculous.

But, I have decided I am going to be a millionaire!!!

I have 10 years. By the time I am in my mid 30’s… I am going to be a millionaire.

I am sick of working for other people and not being pushed, or challenged. I have been miserable for a year because I hate the job I am doing. Well nothings going to change, unless I change it. Well here I am taking the first baby step… I have made a decision.

I am going to be a millionaire.

Now I am sure loads of people say this all the time. But I am beyond determined. I have reached another level of drive, another level of conviction, of perseverance and dedication.

I want out, and I want it now.

I honestly believe that half of getting what you want out of life is about your mental attitude. Positive mental attitude, and having the right mindset. I have always believed this and the only thing I have ever failed at is my driving licence.

I don’t know how I am going to do it yet, but thats not the point. It’s more about having a positive attitude, not letting anyones negativity push you down or make you feel useless or incapable. I have felt lost for so long, without a direction or goal, well now I have one. It’s not a firmed up or particularly descriptive goal, but it’s a goal, and why shouldn’t it be my goal?

The thing is, I actually believe I can do it as well! I know I am going to come up against I know people will laugh, but I will let them, and then I will show them.

I have another goal.

I want to live in New York.

I am done with the UK. I am done with shitty countrysides, with incestuous villages where everyone knows everyone else’s business and slow boring lifestyles. More importantly I am done with uneducated close minded people. Don’t get me wrong, I know you get that everywhere, but I am done with the UK.

In 10 years, I will be sipping cocktails at lunch with the girls in a bar a few blocks away from my Manhattan town house, with a summer house in LA, wearing my Jimmy Choos, Trim and muscly, married to my beautiful wife, and working hard.

Is this too much?

I don’t think I care. I am going to work on it anyway.

You only live once.

Heres to new beginnings.

Help wanted… Women's Studies

A little plea for help today bloggers.

I am doing my dissertation on women’s management. Thats as far as I have got in determining a fixed dissertation question…. So I am wondering if anyone knows of any good websites/blogs/articles about any of the following that can help me form a question:

  • Gender differences in senior leadership or management
  • Women’s management
  • Glass ceiling issues
  • Pay inequalities
  • Differences in leadership styles
  • Gender inequalities in the work place

I have aleady done quite a lot of research, and have a number of articles to read, but I know that the bloggisphere and networking is a great chance to find cheeky articles that I might not have found myself, which will look fab when I reference them.

ALL help very very welcome.

Thanks Guys 🙂

Vampires, Dead or Alive?!

Little vampire

Little vampire (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I want to start a debate.

Who thinks that vampire fiction has had its day??

Had some interesting conversations today, some hard core traditionalists who hate all the new modern vampire literature, and others who like it.

Do you think that the current literary field is too saturated with vampire fiction or do you think there is still room for more?

I personally think there is room for more, it’s popular now yes, and a bit of a fad, but it’s been around for a long time.

You have had so many generations of vampires, from ‘Varney the Vampire‘ and Dracula, to Ann Rice‘s and now more modern literature like the twilight series and True Blood.

I found it interesting, and was slightly irritated that someone thinks a genre that has been so popular for so long has had its day. I don’t see how you can reason that when it’s still so popular and marketable.

What do you think?

F**k Monday

Mondays are shit.

I really REALLY hate Mondays, but today was a particularly repugnant Monday.

I am not a morning person at the best of times, but Monday mornings, WOAH.

Forget, conversation, in fact, forget expecting to see my eyes open. Until it’s at least 11 and I have managed to cradle a coffee.

Mondays are hideous, they are cruel, particularly unkind, in fact vicious, and completely unforgiving.

Mondays are by far the worst day of the week, except maybe Tuesdays, which on occasions can be even worst.

This morning was no better than any other Monday morning. I woke up… barely, I struggle so much with mornings, being a night owl, I find them pointless, yet I try and force myself awake to get to work early so I can finish work early  to miss the traffic and get the whole evening to myself.

So I woke up, just.

I was so far beyond tired. My face was basically falling off, I had bags the size of cars, and my eyes felt like they were bleeding when I tried to tear them open, and force the sunlight into them.

Monday… you have just finished a weekend, which inevitably wasn’t long enough and now you have to face and ENTIRE week of work, 105.5 hours until, 4:30pm on a Friday when the weekend begins again. Tuesday isn’t much better, because its not like you can say it’s half way through the week like you can at lunch time on Wednesday, plus you can’t blame being asleep or not paying attention on the fact it’s Monday-the first day after the weekend. Hate Tuesdays just as much! But that’s another story.

Anyway, so I shower, and get ready half asleep, and then I am so tired, I am hugely grateful that I packed my bag and made lunch the night before. So I climb back into bed to catch another seriously precious 20 minute snooze.

I get woken up 15 minutes later by the most irritating sounds EVER. Some game the gf has decided to download at ridiculous o clock in the morning and can’t turn the sounds down. Firstly, its Monday morning, why would you be downloading an app, and playing on it? And secondly why would you do it, lying next to me, when I am clearly trying to nap, fully clothed? So it’s fairly obvious I am struggling. Anyway, I politely explain that I am trying to get some sleep and she gets in a mood with me, and tells me how noisy I am in the morning ALWAYS waking her up.

Which can I just point out is not entirely true. I am incredibly clumsy which she knows, but I try my best not to wake her up.

Anyway, she is now in a mood with me, because I am in a mood with her. Why do lesbians do that?

She huffs off to have a shower, and as I have just started to doze off again, the vile sound of the alarm clock goes off. I have to FORCE myself out from under the covers and into my shoes.

After managing to get to work early, I realise that I have an ‘early’ pre 9am meeting that I completely forgot I had, luckily theres no cue for coffee and I think the days looking up.

Alas not.

I then have to shuffle in an out of meetings barely having enough time to catch up from all the emails I missed on Friday, so manage to get nothing productive done at all. Then I realise I have to give a board report tomorrow. Which I clearly haven’t given a seconds thought to. *note to self* must remember to practice later.

Then I try to pull together a to do list, scratching at my brain to remember last week, which then reminds me the house insurance is going to expire any day now and the cat insurance needs renewing. I daren’t even look at the wedding to do list.

The day flies by because I am so busy, and then I get to the gym. I am at this point slightly concerned I have put on a couple of pounds recently. So I have a renewed motivation to lose weight, can’t think of anything worst than being disappointed with myself on my wedding day for having not tried hard enough to get to my goal weight.

I climb reluctantly onto the scales, to see the damage, convinced its only a couple of pounds. HA, well wasn’t that a nice little fuck you from the scales. EIGHT pounds. EIGHT. I was/am mortified.

How the hell did I put on over half a stone in a month? Well that’s it. I roast myself in the gym, and head straight to the supermarket to buy the entire healthy aisle. Which, might I add, is the most expensive aisle in the shop. Why is healthy food so god damn expensive? NOT happy.

I get home, with a million things on my lengthy to do list, to find a nice gas bill for 75 quid, that I clearly don’t have spare. Nice.

Well f**k you very much Monday, see you next week.