Monthly Archives: March 2013

I am "Sleeping Breasts Sacha"

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Four Weeks &  Six Days

I don’t sleep, not usually! but boy am I tired at the moment, seemingly all I can do is zombie my way through the days and sleep, sleep, sleep the rest of the time.

I mean I took a fricking nap today! whaat?!

Usually I get 6 maybe 7 hours sleep a night, max. Sleeping is for the dead, feels like a waste of life. So I try to sleep just enough to get by. But now, oh boy, I’m napping here, napping there, feeling exhausted basically always, I am guessing this will continue for the next 20 years?!

I feel like I am already changing my perspective on life, I am slightly concerned that I might be lonely because none, and I do mean none of my friends have kids, they are all a few years younger than me, and are showing no interest in anything other than getting shit faced at the weekend. I had a search for some pregnancy antenatal classes in the area and there are a few, so I guess when I hit the second or third trimester I will try and go to some of them to meet expectant mums.

The other couple of symptoms are a little cramping like a period, but it’s fairly mild so I am guessing its just uterus growth, but by far the worst symptom I have at the moment is my breasts!!… apart from the forgetfulness so if I have already blogged about this then forgive me!

My boobs are so big and so swollen, I have already had to go bra shopping!!

I have turned into one giant sleeping boob!!

speaking of which… is it nap time??

zzzz ZZZzzZzzZZZZzZzzZZ

Doctors, Hormones, and Crazy Pregnant Lesbians!

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Three weeks pregnant…

well thats what I thought… and so did the doctor… until I realised the EPIC fail I had made.

I am not sure whether it’s the hormones, or the ridiculous fatigue I seem to be experiencing, or a mixture of the two, but I have gone slight coo coo!!

Today I managed to leave the hand brake off my car, fail to lock my car door at another point, and then indicate to go left when I was going right. All this in amongst, putting food in the cupboards that’s meant to live in the fridge and other silly things!

But the biggest most epic fail I made was with my dates! I’m a fucking lesbian, how did I mess that one up! it’s not like I had a boat load of sperm on various days to get it wrong!

I have been using a period tracking app for years. How I have managed to read the dates wrong this week I really don’t know.

Below is the picture of my app. The tiny pink numbers tell you the day of your period. So on the 1st of March I was on day three. In my exhausted state, I saw a big fat number ONE, and decided that must mean day 1 of my period, and obviously it was the 3rd of March! What an idiot!! I mean seriously. What was I thinking. I have been puzzling over the dates, for three days! trying to work out why I wasn’t at four weeks, because your meant to be 4 weeks on the day you miss your period! What a total plonker.

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So in fact I am 4 weeks and 2 days pregnant!! Apparently, the below is what my baby looks like at the moment. Still mostly a mass of cells, but exciting none the less.

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The other great news is that the doctors are keeping us on the waiting list for IVF until I hit 12 weeks. This has taken so much pressure off us, and I am so so relieved. So all in all, a pretty bloody good day!

Which brings me on to my next point…

These hormones. I really thought it would take me some weeks before I felt anything.. Oh no.

My boobs have grown so much in the last week I have already had to buy a new bra. But most bizarre of all is all the happiness! I am not complaining here, it’s just taking some getting used to.

If I am honest, I was pretty terrified of being pregnant, it bothered me a lot. The thought of something growing inside me.

Today I found myself saying

I LOVE BEING PREGNANT

what?? Sacha doesn’t say shit like that! It’s like I’ve turned into this really maternal, mother person…

When did that happen?

I coo at babies, and bounce around the office corridors smiling.

What happened to the Angry Lesbian with a soapbox….????

Where has dark and twisty Sacha gone?

hehehe

 

clearly….

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The last thing I will update you on I received a letter today. From the consultant, who is treating me on the NHS. I tell you what if I wasn’t pregnant it would have sent me spiralling into a really bad low. It was SO negative.

In fact, so negative it made me laugh.

I quote:

It would seem that we cannot entirely write off this lady’s chance of conception.

NOT ENTIRELY? that made me chuckle. ‘ye of little faith’ apparently my ovaries ROCK!!

The consultant finished off by saying:

The ultimate test of what the significance of these results will be is how she responds when stimulated but as my best guess is that she will be able to get a reasonable number of eggs.”

Reasonable? no need to be so pessimistic, Mr. consultant, my ovaries have done the job for you! Much to everyones surprise!!

I am not sure the sentence is grammatically correct…!!

Anyway.

Happy Days.

 

 

It's Definitely a BFP! :)

Ok, as if I haven’t peed on enough sticks I decided to do three tests this morning just to make sure… They were all positive!! Here’s the clear blue and first response… Both positive. I wonder when I’ll be able to stop testing!! I am in disbelief

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OMG… I think I am Pregnant….!!!

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Ok so on the left is this mornings test… on the right the one I just took, and bloody timed, so I wouldnt have any worries about it being incorrect….

One line might be faint…..

BUT…. it’s not just me is it…??

Thats two pink lines….

OMG…. am I actually pregnant? I think I’m in shock!

Evaporation Line vs. Positive Pregnancy Test

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11DPO….

If women who are trying to get pregnant aren’t tortured enough, there is something so heinous, so vile, that I wouldn’t wish it upon my enemy…

Evaporation lines.

Basterds.

They are these little second lines that appear after you have taken the test. Except they aren’t bright pink.

If your anything like me, you pee on a stick, don’t get an instant result and throw it away after less than a minute skulking back to bed. Then when you wake up 40 minutes later you rush back downstairs, take out the discarded pregnancy test, and have another look… just to see… even though you know your not supposed to look after 10 minutes.

Evaporation lines, give you hope. They play with your mind and make you think theres a shred of hope. Evaporation lines are grey and not pink. And are just left over from the test, it doesn’t mean your pregnant.

F*** you google. Ruined my day. I hate you. I want to cry but I don’t… so I won’t. On the inside, I am crushed. GUTTED, broken.

I’ve attached my evaporation lines… taken from three different angles!!

I think its grey. My wife thinks it’s pink.

Because I am that crazy, I took two normal photos, and then decided to take a macro shot… a shot like a microscope… you get WAY close to it… When you do that the line looks grey… no baby…

You decide…

Edited 23rd Nov 2015 – I decided to come back and edit this post because it still gets a lot of hits. For any woman coming to read this post now, I want to you know there is hope… That evaporation line turned out to be pink and the earliest positive pregnancy test possible! I was pregnant, I carried to term, and now I have a beautiful boy. Keep going. You will fall pregnant. <3

The Insanity of W.A.I.T.I.N.G

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So I am an idiot,

I took a test yesterday (9 days post ovulation) thats far too early right? well, I took it and it was negative 🙁

I am now 10 days post ovulation, and I am going to try and wait until the day AF is due. She’s due Saturday. It’s only Wednesday…. I am guessing I shouldn’t test until at least Friday? maybe Saturday morning.

I am just disappointed. I thought because I only have 13 days between my ovulating and coming on that I would implant quicker and therefore show up as pregnant quicker. I guess thats not the case.

well, fuck science. I am going silently mad here.

If it does come out negative… what do I do?? keep trying?

ugh. I am going to be so disappointed.

I am trying to stay positive. But being positive means symptom spotting, and then me turning myself inside out mentally, and then feeling negative. This is a ridiculous insane vicious circle. I JUST WANT TO KNOW if it worked and if im pregnant 🙁

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH.

Psycho Sach

1960, Psycho

 

Don’t feel like talking much, I am trying really hard to stay positive. I feel like a psycho. Up one minute down the next. Same shit as last time, think I am pregnant one minute, convinced I’m not the next.

Much less stressful this time, because pretending your positive eventually makes you feel temporarily positive. But the two weeks is taking an achingly long time to go.

In the morning I will be 4 Days post IUI, and 8 days till I am due on…

This time feels longer than the last.

I hate waiting.

Not only am I waiting to test, but I am also waiting for an appointment with the NHS again. It’s beyond frustrating, I am on a waiting list, for an appointment, just for a fucking appointment. During this appointment, I will just be referred to an IVF clinic. Which means I will go on another waiting list.

I wont get an appointment for the referral appointment until the end of April. Which means I wont go on a IVF waiting list till May at the earliest.

 

HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE WAITING

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Why can’t I just be pregnant already?

I want to cry.

The Great Dane and Sacha's Flower!

Well that’s it! I have been inseminated!…. AGAIN. Roll on the tortuous two week wait!!

This is a photo of the waiting room

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I called the post the Great Dane because every time we get inseminated the sperm seems to come from someone enormous!! First time they were 6″4 this time 6″2. Am I just destined to have a HUGE baby?!

The midwife said it was a perfect insemination! Whatever that means. But this cycle I decided to put the neurotic obsessive Sacha to bed and just chill out. If it works it works if it doesn’t ill try again. I think knowing IVF is only a few months away helps. But either way I have been sociable and also started rock climbing in the past couple of weeks. I just decided that I had to stop letting it take over my entire life. I was starting to get really unhealthy about the whole situation and it wasn’t good for my mental state. Anyway as a result I feel way more positive about this insemination. All we have done is laugh and joke today and we are both a lot more hopeful that it might (big might) work. Anyway suffice to say this isn’t going to consume me… Well at least not today anyway!!

The midwife was hilarious she decided to have a full blown conversation with the wife through my legs whilst I was just hanging out there!! FooFoo on full display… Needless to say I felt pretty awkward. More so though when she then wiped away excess lubricant from my nether regions!! I mean I know they are being nice and doing their job but… I can wipe my own whatsit!!

Even though ive had my noonoo out a million times since January this was all a bit much for me!! Maybe I’m just too British, these European countries seem so much more liberal about nudity and such like!!

Anyway after it was all done she just sat there talking through my legs… I was like umm should I move?! She was like that’s up to you!! Haha. I guess my bits are just like all the other bits she sees day in and day out! Guess it was just me feeling awkward then!

Anyway… Here’s to 14 days of torture!! ;p

Sacha's Birthday Insemination!

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So it’s my birthday tomorrow (the 10th) and as irony would have it, it’s also Mother’s Day!

And my birthday present would be….

An insemination! Yes if valentines wasn’t ironic enough now were going for Mother’s Day and my birthday!!

Lets hope this ones a good omen.

I would like to thank everyone for all the advice on my choices choices post. It was greatly appreciated and as you can see I went with your advice and will be hopping on a plane at silly o’clock tomorrow morning!

Lets hope IUI #2 goes a bit better than the first!!

I seem a lot more relaxed this time, in fact almost laissez faire about the whole thing, I even forgot to do an ovulation test one night!

I’ve gone from one neurotic extreme to a horizontal other!!

The two week wait already feels like a bitch!!