Monthly Archives: May 2013

Happy Birthday Sacha Black…

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Ok so it’s not like it’s my actual birthday, that came and went in March. But WordPress just told me it’s my blogging anniversary….

What a lovely surprise, and oh how long ago a year feels, I wasn’t even married then! I will write a semi reflective post in light of this year anniversary. But for now, I am moving house – tomorrow, starting a new job on Monday, and all whilst being pregnant. I don’t have time to pee, let alone write a meaningful blog.

Just one thing i do want to say though. Obviously blogging must mean a lot to me, because I wasnt sure, if when I started it was something I would carry on… I think I have surprised myself that I have stuck with it for a whole year. I am sufficiently impressed with myself!!

Happy Birthday Sacha Black. 😀

Coming out the Pregnancy Closet

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So, last week, we got the all clear, I have to apologise for not writing for over a week, but this week has been ridiculous.

We are moving a week today, so we have been packing up the house, I had an interview this week… which I am delighted to say I got the job!! so will be graduating off the training scheme shortly – plus I get another pay rise! #win The job is also located where I will be moving too so I can walk to work!

This week, I also had to deliver a board report, and a presentation – this is besides all the packing and prep for job interviews and also an assignment which I haven’t done and had to ask for an extension #fail.

Alas, I now have a chest infection – not great when your 13 weeks pregnant. Not only a chest infection but swollen glands, a throat like cut glass, and a soaring temperature. SO the doc has had to put me on antibiotics, and I am laid up in bed feeling spectacularly sorry for myself.

We spent the weekend telling everyone – mostly shouting the baby news from the roof tops. It was great, so nice to get some positivity and a chance to be excited about the baby.

However, what did annoy me was the repetitive stream of questions about the donor. Now don’t get me wrong, I am very very grateful to the donor, for donating his sperm. I truly am, there isn’t enough thank you’s in the world for him. BUT that is it.

It is our baby, our family, our unit.

The first question out of everyones mouth was “Oh, congrats, so how did you do it”

or

“Oh congrats, so who’s the donor”

How about fuck off. DO you ask a straight couple how they got pregnant ? No you don’t, because its rude. I know that not everyone knows how you get pregnant as a lesbian, but surely it doesnt take a fucking genius to work it out. Somewhere down the line sperm has to be involved. I am a married lesbian, so its not like I’m going to go fuck a guy IS IT? So how the fuck do you think I got pregnant.

Ok, I will stop ranting and swearing now! – Sorry, but it really got my goat this weekend.

I dont understand why people can’t be just the slightest bit considerate.

They could say “Oh wow, congrats thats amazing, I hope you don’t mind me asking, as I have never experienced lesbian friends having children, do you mind telling me about the process?”

Do you know what I mean? Thats much less rude, and inconsiderate. I know people are going to be curious as its not a common occurrence, but does it really have to be the first thing out their mouths? cant they ask how the wife’s feeling or if we have any names??

I duno, I just felt aggrieved by the whole thing because EVERYONE asked. Family, friends, the lot. It sort of rained on our parade a bit. So now I have a bee in my bonnet and the next person to ask is going to get a mouthful of shitty answers and snot thrown back at them!!

Right, I am off to fall into a deep sleep coma!!

Got the all clear :)

So yesterday we have our 12 week scan which put me a little further ahead than we thought- 12 weeks and a day rather than the 11 + 6 we thought I was. Anyway suffice to say the scan was all clear and that put us in the clear which means we are officially pregnant and I can officially tell people 🙂 so what did I do go straight out after work and buy our first little outfit!!

The relief is ridiculous!

Will post more later

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Pregnancy Fear

Fear.

Something all pregnant women experience. Whether about ‘being a mum’ or being ready or having the right things and breast feeding. We all worry and are fearful about something.

But, and I hope that my infertility friends out there agree. There is something about us women with issues that changes this fear.

It becomes an all consuming, infestation of fear. It eats away at our positivity, our happiness and leaves us with a putrid rotting mess of fear and worries.

Even when we do get that BFP, we panic until we have seen a scan, with two weeks till your next scan you ride a wave of joy for a week until the fear virus erodes away at your excitement until your a quivering nervous wreck again at your next scan convinced something bad has happened and your babies been taken away.

I have the virus. I have the fear. My 12 week scan is on Friday, 5 days away, and I am terrified to look at the screen terrified something will have happened.

I have fleeting panics about ‘silent’ miscarriages because my sister in law had one. Moments of mental anxiety so severe I swear my heart will start will bleed with fear.

With every disappearing symptom I convince myself its not because that’s to be expected nearing the end of the first trimester but because something bass happened.

We dislike the symptoms but they are a reassurance. A comfort knowing your bodies responding to the baby growing.

I have one small comfort, I developed a new symptom the other night, a persistent sour taste that won’t go away. It’s gross but I know it’s a good sign, so I’m clinging desperately to it hoping it will provide me some kind of antibiotic to my fear virus.

I just need Friday to come and the doctors to give me the all clear.

I have everything crossed.

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Baby Bump -10wks 3 days vs. 5week bloat!

Well, I am so glad I took a photo shortly after I found out…. I am not sure how I have rounded so quick, but seeing the two photos next to each other!! No wonder nothing fits me! This baby’s going to be a bloody whale!!!

First photo is me feeling bloated at about 5ish weeks

The second one is me in a bikini This morning at 10 weeks 3 days.

I honestly didn’t think that my body would change so quickly, I have been feeling like I was fat and must of put on weight but actually comparing the photos I see that my belly is round and not just flabby.

I feel better….

For all those commenting… Be nice I am fragile today!!

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Good Karma

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I seem to of had an exceptional run of good karma this week.

It started with P!nk last weekend, and just spilled into the whole rest of the week.

I have a dear fertility friend at work, who was also having issues conceiving. I remember having a conversation with her before I was pregnant and I said:

“wouldn’t it be funny if we both ended up pregnant at the same time…!!”

well….

This week she told me not only was she pregnant, but that she is due on the same day as me!! I kid you not!! I nearly fell over myself. How did that happen?? I mean really what are the chances!

Ok so then I went to a vending machine to grab some chocolate, popped my money in and out came my requested bar of chocolate, and I asked for my change, and the machine decided to give me over double my money back!! I love it when that happens!

Anyway, now we are pregnant, we REALLY need to move, we live in this tiny house with no walls. Everything is open plan, and theres only one bedroom. So we have been stressing out a lot, about how we would find £1500 for a deposit for a rental house. I had forgotten that when all this fertility stuff came up I signed on to a work housing scheme, where you can rent a house from them, at a slightly lower price than usual. Well the houses are so highly in demand, I basically forgot I had even applied for a house and had given up hope.

I got a phone call asking if we were still interested in a property to which I said yes absolutely. The agent said they had two flats available. We went to see them later that afternoon and he showed us round the first flat, which had nothing inside and I do mean nothing, no carpets, no white goods no curtain rails NOTHING. It didn’t feel right, and the cats couldn’t have got out of the flat easily, it was just wrong, and I was gutted.

Anyway, I asked if the next flat was upstairs, and he said oh I have a two bedroomed house next. I was like “are you joking me?!” he said no it’s right around the corner!!

WELL. It was BEAUTIFUL.

The whole house needs stripping, and painting, and decorating, but you can just tell its beautiful! Two double bedrooms, an enormous livingroom, gorgeous views, and a patio and garden! and the best bit…. it’s under £550 per month!! total bargain.

As if this wasn’t good enough for a week’s karma, I was practically head hunted. I was asked to apply for a job… that would mean a hefty pay rise, and mean that my maternity pay would be significantly higher… So I have to apply before going on holiday on Monday….

Keep your fingers crossed for me. 🙂

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Almost 10 weeks

So officially Im 9weeks and 5 days. And it’s getting progressively harder to stay quiet!!

We saw the nose, and it was wriggling around like crazy! It booted its leg out and we saw all its toes splayed. Then it wriggled its arms about and turned its back on us!!

But then… Just for a couple of seconds… We heard the heart beat!! 174 bpm amazing 🙂

It’s growing bang on size, the placentas growing and everything’s just perfect 🙂

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