In any new relationship there is a vast array of people that you need to meet. You would think that after nearly 3 and a half years of being together that we would have met most of them. You would be wrong.
My family live across the world. The gf’s all live in the UK, but for various political reasons she hadn’t seen some of them for several years give or take a decade!
In amongst the piles of work I have to do, she announces that we are going to meet her aunt, who I have barely heard of because they were estranged for so long. Obviously this comes at a perfect point in time, the weekend before an assignment is due in, an assignment that I have obviously not been conscientious with and therefore a week before the deadline have managed to write a title and sourced a couple of journal articles. Which currently lay unread under a pile of to do lists somewhere in the house!
Anyway, after a miserable failed attempt at getting some of my assignment done and being distracted with the bookshelf that clearly needed tidying that instant; I found myself dragging my heels but being the good wife and bundling myself into the car to meet yet more in laws!
Obviously they had to live miles away just to exhaust me some more, we eventually found them after a small unplanned detour… *cough…got lost…cough* In fairness they do live in the back end of no where surrounded by trees and fields, it all looked the same to me!
We arrived… eventually, and I have to say, I am not the best with new people. I can’t stand small talk, I think I missed that life lesson completely!
Then there is the actual introduction, and it’s always painfully awkward.
Firstly, you never really know the etiquette for each house, do you take off your shoes to be polite and not drag mud through their house, or do you keep them on to save looking like you have rocked up and made yourself at home instantly?
I took them off because they were boots.
Then you have to actually say hello.
This is difficult, you weigh up the situation strategically in the brief seconds you have before they move in to say hi. Do you go in for a hug and a kiss with total strangers or do you do the British hand shake.
Not being particularly tactile, and because it’s the first time I met them I went for the handshake.
They went for the hug.
So I effectively jabbed the gf’s aunt in the stomach before I had even got through the door.
Now they are pretty wealthy, and the house was
pristine clinically clean. I do like a clean house, (I am house proud) but this was ridiculous. I was terrified of breathing to saving a hair or dust particle falling off my clothes and onto their carpets. Which might I add were so white I was blinded on first glance.
I am possibly the clumsiest person I know, so white carpets and me are a massive no no.
Then they brought out the orderves. Which obviously I felt obliged to eat.
I was just hoping and praying that there was a vegetarian option, because if they had been all meat, the carpet wouldn’t have stay white for long!
There was, there was hummus! *phew*
Petrified of spilling something, I inhaled my orderve slightly too fast, and turned a nice shade of purple trying not to choke or have a coughing fit.
To be fair to the day it went fairly smoothly. Surprisingly I only made one fuck up!
At dinner, which I was trying ever so hard to eat politely and carefully, I managed to gesture far too elaborately and knock a chunk of food on their white carpet. I mean seriously who has white carpet in the dinning room? You are asking for trouble!
It was about this point that I was secretly wishing they had a dog or something to come and hoover it up before anyone noticed. But obviously they didn’t, the house was far too clean for such a beast!