I haven’t had surgery before and I don’t mind admitting, I’m a control freak.

So the prospect of having my life literally suspended with no awareness of what the shit was happening to me for two whole hours, was not something I relished.

In fact, I spent at least three weeks prior to surgery loading my pants with a massive terrified brick. I mean, I was going to die wasn’t I?! Seriously. I thought that. I was convinced I’d never see my son grow up or hold my wife again because they were going to euthanise me with a general anaesthetic.

It’s safe to say I had more than one or two issues voluntarily submitting myself to the two hours of tortuous drill to the face American Psycho surgery.

The last thing I recall is seeing the anaesthetist pumping half a dozen vials of clear liquid into my hand. I asked what they were, and he smiled sweetly, with only a hint of a glint in his eye “a cocktail of drugs, enjoy.” I raised an eyebrow and asked the giant nurse on my other side which one would make me go to sleep.

I mean, they make you count down in the movies, right? I expected a countdown. I pay taxes for a god damn count down. If nothing else to pacify my inner control freak. I wanted to know my last moments before being euthanised. The tall nurse said, “this one…” I managed a pathetic “oh” and promptly said goodnight.

I was robbed. No count down. Nothing. If I hadn’t been off my face on morphine I’d have made them do it again just so I got the countdown.

Have you ever seen Me Myself and Irene? Watch this 22 second clip:

When I came to the first thing I said was: “I’m Jim Carey.” I mean, I was off my face on morphine, but having had a tube stuck down my throat and a Molotov of cotton mouth inducing drugs poured into my body, I was a little parched. They refused my water request until they had me back in the room.

At which point they put a BP arm band round my arm and as it filled with air and crackled I claimed to be the Hulk. Umm… It seemed logical at the time.

I think it’s safe to say I’m not really cool with black outs. But they do make for humorous party stories.

To the challenge (next week another game, promise!):

Black outs can be anything, from the lights being snuffed out in war time, to a quick nod off during surgery. Write about a black out in less than 200 words.

Esther up first, (who has an awesome flash fiction writing competition (with prizes) out now, check it out here.

The beginning:

Princess Fluffy Wuffy Woos gazed adoringly into Prince Hunky Dunky Doos’ eyes and felt herself drowning, dripping deeper down into his soft, shiny, whiny, choccy, woccy eyes: it was love at first sight.

The ending:

Princess Fluffy Wuffy Woos gazed adoringly into Prince Hunky Dunky Doos’ eyes and felt herself drowning, dripping deeper down into his soft, shiny, whiny, choccy, woccy eyes – again.

Al  went classic with this start an end…

“I woke with a start…
It was all a dream”

Rosie broke SO many rules with this one and made me laugh out loud at the end!

Opening line…Ann sighed, she looked out of the window at the dreary, damp wet clouds, they were heavy with fat droplets of rain, she stopped listening to the teacher who was droning on about someone famous in another lifetime, and somehow let her mind drift to last year when her life changed forever.

Closing line…the thing was gaining on them, they ran faster, jumping over dropped branches, Ann looked back to see how close it was, she glanced at Paul and caught her breath as he began to glow, she smiled, could they really make it in time? ….continued in book 2

Jane came up with two crackers

In the beginning, the earth was void and without form, darkness was on the face of the deep, but after twenty-four hours somebody got the lights working.

“I think that bloody darkness is coming b—”

***

King Tron settled his crown straight, frowning at the ladder in his tights and sent his squire for a bottle of nail varnish.

The battle was won, but King Tron frowned at the menacing darkness that still hung on the horizon, and the ladder that had started up the other leg of his tights.

Allie in next with a horror (in my humble opinion) story

The day started out exactly as the day had before and the day before that. Nancy sighed as she looked out her bedroom window. The story of her life lacked a hook.

“Good morning Nancy,” her mother called from the hall. “It’s another perfect day in paradise!”

Oh yes, perfect, Nancy thought with a snort. If by perfect, you meant nothing ever happened and everyone was content.

“You are going to sleep the day away,” Nancy heard her mom shout as Nancy pulled the covers back over her head.

The day ended exactly as the day had before and the day before that.

Lori in next with this foxy number

A dark, stormy day proceeding the hunt, wagging tails, beating hooves thundering the ground, the readying of guns.

who outfoxed who?

Anne up next with her first  entry to writespiration, and what an entry!

Little Mrs Grandison, who was always known as such to distinguish her from big Mrs Grandison who wasn’t really that big, but always wore her hair in a beehive which was a very popular style then, crossed the Church behind a huge bouquet that dropped petals, leaves and water over her feet.

Little Mrs Grandison tucked the secateurs into the font where, what with dropping numbers and so few baptisms no one would find them for an eon or two, and crossed herself before the altar in a defiant gesture that spoke more of ticking all the boxes than of religious observance before she left by the side entrance as it was furthest from that gruesome sight under its old-fashioned beehive.

Mike M in next another newbie to writespiration with this…. umm…. random assortment of lines! Also Mike went to town on his blog with these, some are genius, check them out here.

My mind raced like a speeding NASCAR driver rocketing down the road turning unsuspecting animals into gooey road pizza.

And as I wrote “c=sin1” on question 50 of the exam, I looked back and felt supremely confident that the only question I answered on the test was correct. Maybe.

Charli in next with this hilarious entry

Once upon a time I wished upon an alien star to give my blogger bestie beastly inspirations, you know, like reptilian googly-eyed characters or maybe hot-mama androgynous Viking Argonauts to the cosmos, but I never dreamed in a million years it would bring me dark and stormy nights.

Now I’m terrified to go to church or trust the government because aliens are real and aliens live in Idaho and screw it all, I thought I only had to worry about grizzlies.

Next, Sarah, with a disgustingly positive entry!

First Line:

The waiting room smelled like cheap air freshener, fake rose and sickly sweet vanilla, mixed with the lingering scent of hopelessness as Tiffany and Pierce sat separated by loathing and distrust on a blue, faded couch.

Last Line:

And, as they walked home, holding hands, they knew they would be one of the lucky couples people envy as they gaze at each other over their half-full glasses of white zinfandel.

Helen’s made me laugh out loud…

It was a dark and stormy knight who rode in on a white horse to delicately scoop her up like ice cream onto a cone, skirts a fluttering as they rode into the sunrise.

‘I never liked ice cream anyway,’ he said, closing his visor with a snap as he rode stormily into the sunset, skirts still fluttering, leaving her there alone, or should I say, a cone.

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The post Writespiration #83 Black Out appeared first on Sacha Black.

Understandably I have been a bit slack at blogging because…. Baby Black was born on 30th November 2013.

My labour… WHAT can I say….It was pretty traumatic due to the length of the labour but in the end everything was fine.

I laboured from Thursday morning 28th (my due date!!) right through to Saturday night when he was born so a very long time!!

So, I started some sporadic contractions on the 27th, but officially starting continuous contractions in the early hours of the morning on the 28th. I went to hospital at midnight on the 29th (night of the 28th but morning of the 29th), and despite having what the midwife said were strong contractions 2minutes apart I was actually only  1cm dilated. Considering I had been contracting ALL fricking day I was devastated!

So I was sent home with paracetamol and codeine. I continued to contract through the night every 4 minutes, by 3:30pm on the 29th I was so exhausted and in so much pain that I couldn’t take it any more, so we went back to hospital despite the contractions only being 7-8 minutes apart.  When I got to hospital I was STILL only 2 cm dilated, so they gave me a sweep and suggested that I should have a single shot of morphine so that I could at least sleep through for a few hours. So I took it as I had been awake for 36 hours and had had contractions the previous night (27th) so had barely slept that night either. I sort of slept – if you count waking up every 4 minutes to record a contraction!!

At some point in the middle of the night on the 29th (morning of the 30th) they discovered I was 4cm dilated and officially in active labour, however I was in a LOT of pain, which is when they discovered that he was back to back…. explaining why it was taking so long for me to dilate as at this point id been contracting for two straight days with just that shot of morphine and some paracetamol!! (the other reason the labour took so long is that he was really big – but i will explain that later)

My waters broke at some point between 2 and 4am on the morning of the 30th I forget when exactly, but that is when the real pain began it was excruciating I mean really like nothing I’d ever felt. I threw up a full litre of liquid I was in so much pain, so I was given gas an air (a hilarious couple of hours that my wife can regale humorous stories about me demanding to buy the gas and air and waving the tube around and shaking my bump!) I managed to get in the pool (where I wanted my birth) for all of about 10 minutes.

They discovered my cervix was swollen and I had halted dilation at 4cm and wasn’t getting any further. I then asked for an epidural because after 48 hours and then being told he was back to back and not dilating any more I gave up (sad to say) but I literally didn’t have anything left and I was in agony. As it happened they would of given me one anyway because as soon as they put it in they also hooked me up to a  syntocinon drip because my waters had broken they couldn’t allow my dilation to stop. Due to the exhaustion however all my veins collapsed in my hands and they had to get an anaesthetist to canula me… think i ended up with 5 failed canulars in total!

My active labour stage was 20 hours…. so I continued to contract from when the epi was put in at 6 or 7am until 9pm that night when he was born. But I was a bit rubbish at pressing the epidural button so I still had a lot of movement in my legs, and knew when I was contracting.

Unfortunately at this point I began to spike a fever due to some unknown infection or other, so they started IV antibiotics but not in time for them all to get through to the baby, so we ended up having to stay in hospital for a week. Baby A also then got jaundice so was under a lamp for the best part of a day.

So the actual birth… I had stopped pressing the epidural button about an hour before I started to push because I wanted to still at least feel part of the need to push. Which I am happy to say I could – I was telling the midwife when I felt like I wanted to push and I was always right –

It took 55 minutes of pushing and thankfully despite a ridiculously long labour I did it, by myself, no assistance needed (except an epidural!) which I am sad that I had to use, but it was necessary anyway in the end.

The midwife said she was very impressed and couldn’t believe I was hiding such a whopper of a baby in there!!

He was born at 20:49 on the 30th November weighing 9lb1oz

My body is totally massacred though, I have some muscle separation but considering his size its not really a surprise!! So I have been referred to a physio in Jan, amazingly because I didn’t panic the Midwife was able to control my delivery and I only had a minor tear 4 stitches – 2 inside 2 out. But I had several grazes and part of my labia ripped/tore off and it wasn’t spotted until I examined myself several days later so it had healed unfortunately – so I feel a bit wounded over that. I am layered in stretch mark scars too. But the worst body torture which could of ended up with me in hospital was a retained placenta. I kept telling the midwives that something was wrong down below, and I was examined twice, but they couldn’t see anything wrong. Well a few days later I started to develop what can only be described as a tongue dangling out of my vagina – I was incredibly concerned that they had failed to stitch a piece of vaginal wall back in or something. The day after leaving hospital a midwife is meant to visit you  – It got to 4pm and I started to think that no one was coming, so I phoned the hospital and doctors surgery and they sent the on call midwife…

Now this was actually my community midwife much to my horror – She is incredibly attractive, and I remember saying to the wife how mortified I would be if she ever had to examine me!

Well anyway after a hilarious few minutes trying to find said tongue – which had disappeared she grabbed the end and asked me to cough and much to my horror I felt a long warm sensation – I thought I had urinated on her! – I hadn’t!! She pulled out half of baby A’s membrane one of the largest pieces she has seen- she told me that if I hadn’t been on antibiotics it would have rotted – and she’s not sure why it didn’t rot anyway as it was a week post birth, not only that she’s not sure why I didn’t haemorrhage or get septicaemia (something my aunt got when she had a retained placenta). Anyway – she got it out and I wasn’t infected thank god. But I am so glad I stuck to my guns and kept asking people to examine me.

Baby A has taken to breast feeding like a dream we are both smitten and he’s perfect – but then we would be biased!!

Theres a lot more I can update from our week in hospital and the first three weeks of his life but enough for now

The post Baby Black has been born! appeared first on Sacha Black.