SACHA BLACK

lesbian

Sacha's Facebook Saga

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I made an executive decision to delete facebook on Tuesday.

At the time I was seriously peeved with it, but now I might be getting some slight withdrawals…!

The thing with facebook, is that technically it really is a good way to stay connected, and it really is a good way of having a back up of all your photos. However, increasingly over the last few months I have been getting irritated with it.

I am prone to ranting, and writing statuses that may or may not be fleeting, I tweet angry tweets, and write angry blogs. However, I am not reaaaallly always angry. I know that it makes me look like I am innately angry, but I just get supremely irritated by things. Once I have ranted, tweeted, status’d or blogged its out of my system and I am over it. I don’t hold grudges, my moods are only temporary and basically everyone should ignore me. Plus, I don’t really mean the things I say most of the time.

That, however, does not stop people putting their two pence in. Now don’t get me wrong I 100% appreciate that if I didn’t write statuses people wouldn’t comment on them. But that’s one of the reasons I deleted it.

I started to feel like people were unnecessarily sticking their ore in. My mother felt the need to comment on literally every single status. If I swore she would say publicly don’t swear sweetie, or Oh is that French. COME ON, I am 25, and married for god sake. I do not need to be told when I can and cannot swear on my facebook.

If I was annoyed at something, or had ranted about something, people would tell me what I should and shouldn’t do.

Now, I know that people comment on blogs, but that’s different. I am asking for comments, I want the comments, I am actively seeking out engagement, and interaction.

Facebook however, I would make some blasé comment about being angry, or raging and people would literally think that I was about to hurt someone, or myself.

When did everyone get so serious? It’s a fricking joke, an off the cuff blasé, momentary feeling for goodness sake. Just because I’m raging at 9:02 doesn’t mean I am still raging at 9:04.

What tipped me over the edge was, I wrote a status about being in the worst mood ever, and of all people to comment on my status, it was one of the last people I saw before meeting my now wife. They wrote some patronizing comment about how I needed to change my outlook on life, I am too angry, it’s not healthy. FUuuuuuuuuCK OFF.

Seriously,

a) you of all people don’t tell me what to do, I haven’t seen this person in 3 and a half years, so what do you know about my life anyway and

b) what the hell makes you think you know me well enough to tell me what to do anyway

c) It’s a fricking status. It doesn’t mean anything. CHILL OUT.

Also, facebook kills peoples sex lives. In fact technology in general kills peoples sex lives. Since when did we become a society that doesn’t communicate any more? Lesbians in general are more in danger of suffering lesbian bed death than other people anyway. So I’ll be damned if I risk it for the sake of fricking facebook.

I did a little friend survey of those in relationships and asked how many of them suffer from that awkward moment when they and their partners crawl into bed at night, and instead of having a cuddle or communicating with their lovers, they prefer to sit on their phones, on facebook or twitter or whatever, in silence. Do you know how many said they did that…..

100%.

That is ridiculous.

So I deleted facebook.

In protest.

I don’t want random school friends that I don’t care about telling me what I should and shouldn’t be doing with my life, and I certainly don’t want to go anywhere near lesbian bed death.

So I am protesting.

 

I deleted facebook on Tuesday evening.

It’s now Thursday morning, and I think, ironically, I am having withdrawals because I suffered from a horrendous realisation….. I too am nosy, and love to know what people are doing or saying. I don’t however, stick my ore in where it’s not wanted!!

*sigh*

I don’t know yet, how long this angry protest will continue for. Probably not long! But I am holding out thus far!!

Fuckin' Monday Strikes Again.

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I am a strong believer in putting good karma and energy out there. So I am considering trying to change my severe hatred of Monday and put out some Monday love.

However, today is not that day.

I REALLY fucking hate Monday, and it hates me.

Today is the first day of my new placement. I rotate ever 6 months for two years, and I am hoping that this will be my last rotation. But we shall see. Anyway. So as first days go it was relatively pain free, other than the fact I am a guinea pig for my line manager who has never line managed anyone, was possibly the most patronizing person I know and only gave me one project, which she claimed would take me 6 months, and I had to try not to laugh in her face, knowing my insatiable appetite for work, I could obliterate it in two. AND, I took that as a challenge to prove the point to her. ANYWAY.

I am hopeful that this placement will be much better, for a start the office isnt some holier than thou – took an oath of silence – type offices, people actually interacted.

Enough moaning, I am genuinely happier in this office, although this is only day 1 so… I ain’t counting any chickens just yet.

Today is the wife’s birthday.

I had this whole brilliant idea for a present and card, and had planned on doing it on Saturday because she was going out with her friends back home (home being where she grew up, as opposed to our current home)

ANYWAY, she was supposed to be going to her nans the following day, and wanted me to come with her. Her nan lives an hour further south than where she came from.

So dick head over here – me – opens my big mouth and asks her why she isn’t staying in reading for the night and driving straight on to her nans in the morning.

Well I thought I was being logical and rational. Which I was, but then I got caught up in the whole thing, and shes draggin me down to her mums because she wants me to go to her nans the following day.

So I am stuck in my mother in laws house (she wasn’t there btw) with no car, no nothing, no ability to go shopping for her. She says she doesn’t care, and would prefer me to go to her nans than get her anything, but it makes me feel like crap.

So when she wakes up this morning I have nothing to give her, squat. Not even a card, I feel like the worst wife ever.

So I leave home early to get her something before work (my first day in the new placement mind) and rush to work.

Go through the whole day no hitches, minus my minor irritations, and when do I ever get through a whole day without getting annoyed?!

Anyway, I leave early in the hope that I can get to the shops to buy a cake before she gets home…

Climb in the car, key – ignition – splutter splutter… DEATH. My car literally committed suicide on me.

Why? why is it always the day before I go to uni? I have a two and a half hour drive to uni tomorrow, and I am in real danger of not being able to get up there.

Why is it always fucking Mondays??

Three parent families… Genetically

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I wrote this post on QueerLandia yesterday hoping that it would generate some discussion, but it hasn’t so I thought I would blog it here, and add some more too it as well, in the hope it generates more discussion.

I saw this in the news a couple of weeks ago, and have been meaning to blog about it for a little while. I am hoping it generates a discussion….

The news reported that some scientific trials to make three parent embryos have taken place, and the UK has now launched a consultation on the matter.

The trials have been coined ‘three-parent in vitro fertilisation’ (IVF) because the offspring would have genes from a mother, a father and from a female donor, who donates some of her DNA.

The original purpose is to prevent some genetic diseases from being passed on. In particular mitochondrial diseases that are passed on genetically through the maternal line and are incurable. So they take out the culprit DNA and replace it with the female donors DNA.

One reporter poses the following questions about this:

how is a child born from this sort of technique might feel?; whether the child should be told?; whether their sense of identity might be affected?; what the rights of the female donor might be?; whether the donation of mitochondrial DNA should be viewed as similar to egg or sperm donation, or more like blood or tissue donation?; and who should decide who can access the treatments?

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/health-and-fitness/three-parent-embryos-unnerve-ethicists/article4553114/ 

They claim it raises ethical issues because it is the first step to creating designer babies. I am not sure how I feel about that.

Having recently got married, babies are  definitely on my radar, I have been to a fertility show recently and the options are vast.  We both went in thinking we wanted to do it a certain way, and came out totally confused and completely unsure of how we wanted to conceive. Like did you know that a heterosexual couple only has a 10-14% of getting pregnant at any one time. Therefore the same chances can be applied to IUI (intrauterine insemination) if you do it without drugs that is. With the aid of drugs some clinics claim their chances of getting you pregnant are as high as 40%. I have to say I left feeling pretty pessimistic and naive about the whole affair. I had gone thinking it wouldn’t be a walk in the park, and would cost a lot but I certainly didn’t have any concept of how slim the chances are in relation to how much it would cost. Because its either low chances of fertility or you need to remortgage your house in order to afford it.

ANYWAY

I will be the carrier, my wife has no interest in carrying, BUT, I am desperate to have a child that is genetically both of ours. At the moment that cannot happen, or so I thought. This is why when I saw this article and heard it on the news, my ears immediately pricked up. For me the question isn’t so much about designer babies, but about the opportunities this brings to homosexual people. Does this mean that my wife and I could both parent a child??

Could two men both genetically parent a child??

Is that right? Is it ethical? Is it moral?

I want the answer to be yes, but maybe I am being selfish and only thinking about how desperate I am to carry both mine and my wifes genetic child. Is that right, should I be thinking that way? To me, it doesn’t seem like an ethical problem but a gift, and a miracle.

I would be very interested in what everyone else thought……???????

Friday Fails…

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Everything anyone has ever said about weddings is true. Especially the come down.

I genuinely had the worst case of man flu that has ever existed….True story!!

I felt particularly sorry for myself, but I have now sucked it up, manned up,  and I am well on the road to recovery.

That is, except for the extreme exhaustion I am still feeling. This is a whole other level of exhaustion, it’s some kind of nasty life sucking, energy draining beast.

I can’t even think clearly, I am desperate to blog properly again, but I can barely drag… and I do mean drag myself out of bed, let alone blog. Whatismore, for medical reasons I am having to withdraw from caffeine…

This has led me to do a really good impression of death warmed up right now, I am also throwing in a pinch of the lights are on but no ones home just for good measure. I am not functioning. I don’t understand sentences, I cant text and this blog will ruin me for at least a few days!! 😛

Basically I am so tired I am totally incapable of doing anything… Apparently I am not young enough to do a typical Sacha and burn the candle at both ends and in the middle, and get away with it. I am paying a steep price… I look like the kid in the picture!!

 

Today was an epic failure, but Friday was so so much worst.

Friday…

Actually Thursday night…. We went for dinner with some friends and the usual Gran Canaria pride chat  came up again. After much discussion it was decided that like this year we would all go.

This year was epic, there was a group of about 10-15 of us that went, and it was genuinely one of the best weeks of my life. Anyway. I go to book the hotel, pay for it, and then realise I have booked the wrong dates. Fuck.

I ring the hotel in Gran Canaria, try to have a Spanglish type conversation and establish that its too early and I need to ring the travel company and sort it with them. Which I do and just about get it sorted after some serious fannying about on their behalf.

So I search for flights but can only find flights for the furthest airport away from us. ugh. But decide that I would rather book early than wait for the price to go up just so I can get a closer airport.

I book the flights, and go to bed happy.

Friday morning…

I wake up seriously bleary eyed and had to forcibly rip myself from my cosy warm bed and into the shower. Whilst I am showering I realise that I feel like something is wrong with the booking.

I pick up my mac and open the receipt page for the booking, everything looks fine. I open up the web page to manage my booking and to my horror, they have messed up my surname… (we have double barrelled btw). So I am particularly irritated at this point already seeing as I fucked up booking the hotel. I ring the stupidly expensive phone line and get half way through sorting the problem and the phone gets cut off.

RAGE.

It is at this point that I look back at the web page and utter horror washes over me, as I look at the dates.

I booked the wrong fucking dates.

How did I do that?

HOW CAN I DO THAT????…. twice?? for gods sake.

I go back to the search page just to make sure I am not going insane and I did actually search for the right dates its just the piece of shit web companies mistake for showing the wrong flights… and possibly mine for not double checking. *cough*

At this point, I am having to really suppress Hulk back down. I am also  late for work, have no caffeine, no breakfast and I need to ring the company to sort this out.

I get on the phone to one of them and they tell me to ring the airline direct.

More rage.

The airline tells me thats no problem they will change the dates and my name and wipe the admin fee… but the flights are more expensive. like £90 more expensive.

Not happy.

It is at this point I am now REALLY late for work, and I go to gather up my bag and stuff for work. I get flustered because I have had no breakfast and now cant find my wallet.

The wife rings… “Babe I just found your wallet in my car… do you need it?”

RAGE.

Of course I need it. So instead of going to work, I have to drive to her work to pick up my wallet first.

I check my diary to make sure I am not going to be late for a meeting and just my luck I have a 9:30am meeting booked in. Luckily its with someone who is ALWAYS late, or just doesnt turn up. Plus they didnt accept the meeting request, so I am pretty sure that they wont be coming.

I run into work throw my laptop on the desk and ring the guy I am meant to be meeting, who of course, today….is waiting for me in the canteen. Fuck.

So I have to run to the canteen, I get three quarters of the way there and realise I left the single most important piece of paperwork I needed in the office. At this point I am sweating and flustered. So I have to bolt back to the office rifle through a mountain of papers just to find one thing!!

When I get there. He has the smelliest, most tasty looking coffee, and I am beyond envious. withdrawal is not fun.

The last fail I managed to rack up on Friday was epic on a huge proportion.

I like to think of myself as technologically ‘with it’ I know how to use most technology without being told how, I like techy things, and generally I am very careful about which profile I use to say what.

Apparently, not when I am tired.

I managed to tweet my boss from my Sacha_black profile without realising, and inadvertently gave him access to my blog, my twitter, my rants… everything. #fml.

I just need to sleep. But my cats like to see to it that they get fed at ridiculous o clock in the morning, or let out, or in, whenever they see fit even if its at 2,3,4 or 5 am.

Even my work mate turned round to me today and said…

“mate… dont take this the wrong way… but you look like shit!!”

Great.

Sacha has a wife!!

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After a short break from blogging due to the wedding of the year… cough cough, yes I do mean mine! I am finally back! Although somewhat exhausted and dishevelled.

I am now a wife, and I have a wife!! Where do I even start…

So its the morning before the wedding, I am beyond rushed off my feet and I have gotten up extra early in order to pick my dad up from the airport, after having not gone to bed until ridiculous o clock making the wedding cakes. I wake up groggy and exhausted throw clothes on in the dark, and just as I am looking for my glasses and keys my dad rings telling me he has missed his flight.

RAGE

You can imagine my frustration at this news. I had zero time that day as I had back to back jobs, appointments and errands to do. He said he was going to try and get on to another flight, but I still wouldn’t of been able to go and get him from the airport as he missed his time slot in my minute by minute schedule!!!  So I had to ring around my friends and bridesmaids and try and harass one of them into doing it! which luckily I managed to do.

The night before the wedding I went out for a meal with some of my friends and with my dad. It was nice, although its a total blur now as it much of the day itself. I woke up at  4:45am the morning of the wedding in a massive panic about table names, and then couldn’t fall back to sleep, as I started stressing about all sorts of things.

When I got to the venue at 8:30am coffee in hand feeling somewhat bleary eyed, I went to get my cakes out to set them up to realise part of the front had fallen off. I managed to persuade the venue to let me use their pastry kitchen. So at 8:30am morning of the wedding I was in the kitchen throwing icing all over the place and trying to fix my cakes. It ended up EVERYWHERE!!! all over me, all over my joggers in my rollers, literally everywhere!! Suffice to say after dragging in my bridesmaids to hold this and cover that we managed to fix them and it was all good.

(did I mention that I made these…!!! So proud of myself!!! lol)

On a serious note, if you ever get married, pay someone to do the lot!! It’s not worth the stress of doing it yourself!

Now I didnt have much money left so I wanted to do something for my future wife and give her some small present that was a romantic gesture. Not being the most romantic person in the world that was particularly hard! However, I found in a little shop a black and red zebra print heart, so I decided to buy it, wrap it and send it down with a bridesmaid (because we didnt see each other the morning of or night before the wedding) with a card that said:

Today I am giving you my heart forever, please keep it safe

Well anyway I thought it was sufficiently soppy, and I was sufficiently pleased with myself.

She wrote me the most romantic letter I have ever received it was beautiful, touching and completely unexpected, she has dyslexia and therefore avoids writing most of the time as it frustrates her. However, she spent hours pouring over this letter and it was just beautiful and brought tears to my eyes.

With the cakes and sweet table complete:

My jobs for the morning were done and I could go and get ready. Which I did, and got slightly typsy as well, the wife (love saying that now!) sent up a glass of rose, and my mum had brought some seriously expensive champaign and strawberries.

In true british style it then went from glorious sun shine to pouring down with rain and so I got seriously upset. Control freak that I am everything was going swimingly, apart from the blasted rain. Which apparently as much as I will I still cant control. So we ended up getting married inside, which  I was disappointed about, but it made the wedding much much more intimate, so it turned out fine anyway.

Much to my surprise, because I am basically emotionless and my partner cries much much more often than me, she stayed perfectly tearless and I let out a few tears during the ceremony. I am still gobsmacked. More to the point I think I opened a flood gate, because I proceeded to cry for the following three days, my best friend emigrated to Oz so cried then, and for various other bits and bobs too!!

The ceremony was beautiful. Everything was perfect. The meal and reception were perfect.

We had so many compliments it was delightful.

 

I have now been married 10 days 🙂 and I am extremely happy, and relaxed, if not exhausted because we got married on the wednesday and went back to work on the Monday, honeymoon is later in the year. So this weekend I am trying to stay as restful as possible!!!

You know… I thought I would feel the same. In our relationship. But I dont. Somethings different, better, more secure, teamy, solid, I cant put my finger on it just yet, but I will keep trying….

 

Sacha's Emporium of Goals

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I have just about recovered from my hen do last weekend. Which was might I add, one of the best weekends I have ever had. The drunken debauchery was astounding! the quantity of alcohol drunk, vile. It was truly an epic weekend and has put me in a much better frame of mind. I can officially say that I am excited about the impending wedding which is now less than two weeks away. (Despite having several Hulk rage like moments because of work and my family)

With a kind of realisation that life’s too short, and a whole new section of my life is starting. There are a lot of things I would like to do. So like many before me, and many after, I decided to write a bucket list. Except that it isn’t a list. I don’t like lists, you can throw them away. So I decided to write a bucket full of goals, that I will pick and choose from until I complete them all, even if it takes my whole life! This is moveable feast, that will get added to and edited. Enjoy…

 

1. SIX PACK SACH

Ok, so this might be a long way off at the moment, but it’s guna happen! I just changed gyms and I am a little chunky but not obese. I have decided that due to multiple injuries from running that my body was not designed for running, but for building muscle, which I do easily. So I have booked a personal training induction, and have brought some body building books. OK I know I sound like Bridget Jones and her Man book case throwing out one lot of self help and in with another load, but seriously. I am making this my first goal, and I am giving myself a year to complete it. Believe me I am under no disillusion about how hard this is going to be I am a self confessed chocolate addict.

 

2. MASTER OF ONE

I am the original jack of all trades, I can take my hand to anything and be ok at it, sometimes even good. But never great. I am master of absolutely nothing. So I want to become really good at just one thing, I want to be exceptional at something. As yet, I dont know what that thing is, but I will work on it.

 

3. 2 BOOKS 2 YEARS

I have two books planned. Well one three quarters planned and another part planned. Two completely different genres but both need to be written. I will give myself a year to complete each one, but those years wont start until I have finished my dissertation in September 2013. Also, I want to get one of them published.

 

4. SEVEN SEVERAL WONDERS

Ok a traditional bucket list item. I not only want to see the seven wonders of the world but do several other things too. I want to spend several months travelling Asia in particular Japan and China, as I am fascinated with their culture and heritage. I have a whole plan of where I want to go in China mapped out already, and have done for about 6 years! I have already trekked up to Mt Everest Base Camp, but I would like to climb a few other mountains and possibly summit some of the more realistic ones, see the world, the northern lights, etc etc.

 

5. SAVVY SACH

ok so this one is a little shallow, but I have never felt happy with my wardrobe, and I have never had enough money to do something about it. With a fat pay rise at the end of my grad scheme on the horizon, I am going to treat myself to a ridiculously large wardrobe that will make me happy and comfortable. I think some of this is to do with the fact I am not happy with my weight. See goal 1!!

 

6. HOUSEPROUD

Buy/own a house.

 

7. GET RICH OR DIE TRYING

Refer to previous blog about becoming a millionaire!

 

8. MINI ME

Produce an off sprung….

 

9. GROW A PAIR

I have a tattoo designed, have done for a while, I need to grow a pair and go get it done already!


UGH. I have just gone back and re read this, as I had stalled momentarily, and  as I read, I was alarmed to find that they are all so boring and bog standard. I need to get a grip. I like to think of myself as a wild child. BUT In trying to write a comprehensive, fun list of things to do in my life, and I have written the most boring list ever. I need to try again.

 

I’ll be back with a much BETTER more interesting list.