Does anyone else struggle to celebrate success? Maybe you ran a marathon, got a new job, published your first book, or even your third? Did you celebrate? Or like me, did you brush your last achievement under the carpet? And no,  sending a text to tell a friend, sitting down to have a cupper or casually dropping into conversation you latest accomplishments does not constitute a celebration.

So why do we do it? Why are so many of us completely incapable of accepting praise, or internalising our achievements and attributing them to hard work and a bit of sweat rather than ‘luck’ or external factors?

I spoke about this a little when I finished the first draft of my first novel because for once, I was determined to celebrate and take stock… and I did… for five minutes, and then I started writing Adultland! Seriously, what the hell is wrong with me? I took almost a year to write my first novel. It was an achievement of a life time because it took me one step closer to my dream. But did I go out for dinner? Did I crack open a bottle of champers? No. I wrote a blog post instead. Sigh.

This little mindset is an actual thing. It’s called Imposter Syndrome, and quite frankly it needs banishing to room 101.

Imposter syndrome as described by wiki is:

“…a term coined in the 1970’s by psychologists and researchers to informally describe people who are unable to internalize their accomplishments. Despite external evidence of their competence, those exhibiting the syndrome remain convinced that they are frauds and do not deserve the success they have achieved. Proof of success is dismissed as luck, timing, or as a result of deceiving others into thinking they are more intelligent and competent than they believe themselves to be. Notably, impostor syndrome is particularly common among high-achieving women,^[1] although both genders are affected in equal numbers.^[2]“

It is said that 70% of people will at some point in their lives suffer with imposter syndrome.

Almost every writer I know suffers from imposter syndrome. Lots of writers I know (myself included) can’t seem to call themselves writers let alone authors. Yet, they spend all their free time writing, and most, have published books. If you have a book published then you’re a goddamn author. Arguably, if you have written a book but it is not yet published you are also an author.

Where have these self imposed, self depreciating standards come from? And why can’t we seem to acknowledge that our successes no matter how big or small come from our own sheer bloody hard work?

The thing is those with the syndrome actually self perpetuate the problem. I’m using writing as an example, but this is replicable across a multitude of situations including work.

ONE

We work harder and writer longer to avoid being discovered as an imposter, which leads to praise because practice makes perfect, and the praise leads to more imposter feelings and fear of being found out.

TWO

Sometimes we write or engage in fads – like writing about writing, or writing in a certain genre or even using hashtags because we think thats the right thing to do and what people want to see, but if thats not what your passionate about that can lead to feeling like a fake – or an imposter

THREE

We seek out others, make writerly friends and build our blogging communities, but when you get praise you end up feeling that its because you’re friends or supportive of each other rather than being based on your skills and ability as a writer.

FOUR

The last way people with imposter syndrome self perpetuate is through avoidance. Its the one I find the saddest. Writers avoid displaying any confidence in their abilities. They believe if they actually believe in their abilities they will be rejected by others. So they convince themselves they aren’t intelligent and do not deserve the success in order to avoid rejection.

***

I’m not sure I have the answer to this. What I do know is that when you are aware of something, behaviours in particular we are more able to control them. It’s like a habit, if you pick your lip, bite your nails or have a phrase you repeat and no one has ever told you about it, then the behavioural action is unconscious. When you are consciously aware of the behaviour you can modify it.

I really think it’s about time we writers, acknowledge our work as our own achievement. We need to recognise our skills but more than anything the enormous effort we go to, to produce the work we do.

I for one am going to try and celebrate the small things in life. Maybe I scheduled an entire weeks worth of posts which freed up enough time to focus on writing my novel for a week. Next time I finish a chapter I’ll slap myself on the back. Next time I submit to a comp I’ll toast to myself.

I’m going to be kind to myself, appreciate and celebrate the work I do.

I think you should too.

Let me know in the comments whether you celebrate the big and small things in life, and if you do, how?

The post Feel Like A Fraud? Give Imposter Syndrome The Middle Finger! appeared first on Sacha Black.

I had to coax myself into posting this. Not because I didn’t want to do a post for #1000Speak, but because bullying is one of those things that everyone has been affected by, and I am no exception. It’s all a little close to the bone. Bullying is one of those universal topics that touches the lives of almost everyone. But I want to focus on the positive. On why being bullied made me a better writer. Without having been bullied I wouldn’t have focused on writing in my youth, and I probably wouldn’t have realised writing was my dream. So am I compassionate with the bullies? No, probably not, I know that’s the point of 1000speak, but, I am grateful for the experience of bullying.

But first – #1000speak is a  concept whereby, writers, bloggers, people, come together on a single day to speak about compassion. February 20th 2015 saw the first event, and today March 20th is the second, and this months topic is building on bullying. So I thought what better way to talk about it, than to consider what the experience of bullying did to my writing. Oddly enough, the more I thought about it, the more I realised just how significant of an effect it actually had. I think there are 5 key reasons bullying made me a better writer:

1. Bullying made me introspective – It might sound odd, but looking in on myself wasn’t something I was that bothered about until I was bullied.

When a bully picked up on a trait, or a fault, or a mannerism that perhaps I hadn’t paid much attention to, it made me overly self aware, and analytical. But that’s a good thing, not for the damage it did to my psyche or confidence, but for the mind set it put me in. As a writer and creator of characters I need to be able to analyse, deconstruct even: behaviour, people, traits, mannerisms, everything. I need an eye for detail that is so scrupulous a microbe couldn’t walk across my nose with me scrutinizing it. It’s how we writers create and develop characters so life like, so emotional we can captivate audiences. There’s always a baddie, a villain or antagonist, and what better place to draw characteristics from than your own personal bully?!

Bullies made me introspect, made me understand my own behaviour, reactions and emotional constructs, and that…that made me a better writer, and a better crafter of characters.

2. Bullies made me write – Ok, so not the novel or short story type of writing I’m doing now, but writing nonetheless. I started writing through journaling. I have dozens of journals filled with hours and hours of hand written tales of she said this, and he did that, just littering my loft. If I hadn’t have been bullied, I would never have needed to write, I would never have found my passion, and for that, I am grateful. We all need practice, and I had hours of it, and now, I can focus for hours writing my novel, just as I did writing journals years ago.

3. Bullying made me determined – There’s nothing like being beaten down, being crushed and broken, having every ounce of your personality torn to shreds to make you want to get straight back up again. To say ‘Fuck You, you think I’m odd, well, I know I am beautiful.’ The harder the bullies would push me down, the more determined I was to rise up again and fight, even if that meant weeping into my journal in private. Bullies made me a fighter, and I am proud of it.

Now I fight to write my novel, fight distraction, procrastination and time but most of all, I fight the self-doubt. They taught me I was determined, and now I know I can do it, No… I know I will do it. I will finish my novel. If it wasn’t for the determination they showed me I had, I might have given up by now.

4. Bullying showed me how strong I was – I wasn’t just bullied once or twice, I was bullied for years, nine of them to be precise. Nine long grueling years of bully based torture. And you know what, I wouldn’t change a single day of it, because it really has made me who I am. Every time I got beaten down, I got tougher, stronger, more resilient. Each time it was harder for them to hurt me. And each time they did hurt me, and I still got back up again, I knew I was stronger than them.

Writing can be grueling, writing a novel is a marathon and that takes strength. It takes strength to submit to competitions, agents and publishers and when you get rejected time and time again, it takes strength to stand up and try again.

5. Bullying showed me I could win. Win against cowards, and malicious back stabbing Queen Bees. Bullying showed me that every time I got hurt I could get back up. It could show me that a tiny bit of rebellion, standing back up, knocks a bully off their perch. It turns that chip onto their shoulder into a fullscale amputation. Bullying made me realise that if you want something bad enough, if you are determined enough, you get knocked down enough times and stand right back up, it will happen, you can win.  I know that, the experience of being knocked down, will help me when I get the inevitable trail of rejections from agents publishers and competition submissions. But you know what? I am going to stand right back up and try again, and one day I know I will win, I will finish my novel, and I will publish it.

***

I don’t often write poetry, but, in writing this post a phrase kept repeating in my mind. A phrase of the strong. So I just let the words flow and this is what came out of it…

Rise, Stand, Fight

No matter how many times you beat me with your jagged words,

wound me with your wicked ways, or tarnish my pure heart,

I will rise, I will stand and I will fight.

You can make my skin crawl with self-loathing,

make me doubt and judge myself,

but your dirty words all covered in hate are useless against my strength,

I will rise, I will stand and I will fight.

Your beatings, torture and abuse have marked my soul with shadows,

But scars are tougher than skin,

and that makes me tougher than you.

You can push me over, knock me down and crush me with your might,

But, I will rise, I will stand and I will fight.

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