Does anyone else struggle to celebrate success? Maybe you ran a marathon, got a new job, published your first book, or even your third? Did you celebrate? Or like me, did you brush your last achievement under the carpet? And no, sending a text to tell a friend, sitting down to have a cupper or casually dropping into conversation you latest accomplishments does not constitute a celebration.
So why do we do it? Why are so many of us completely incapable of accepting praise, or internalising our achievements and attributing them to hard work and a bit of sweat rather than ‘luck’ or external factors?
I spoke about this a little when I finished the first draft of my first novel because for once, I was determined to celebrate and take stock… and I did… for five minutes, and then I started writing Adultland! Seriously, what the hell is wrong with me? I took almost a year to write my first novel. It was an achievement of a life time because it took me one step closer to my dream. But did I go out for dinner? Did I crack open a bottle of champers? No. I wrote a blog post instead. Sigh.
This little mindset is an actual thing. It’s called Imposter Syndrome, and quite frankly it needs banishing to room 101.
Imposter syndrome as described by wiki is:
“…a term coined in the 1970’s by psychologists and researchers to informally describe people who are unable to internalize their accomplishments. Despite external evidence of their competence, those exhibiting the syndrome remain convinced that they are frauds and do not deserve the success they have achieved. Proof of success is dismissed as luck, timing, or as a result of deceiving others into thinking they are more intelligent and competent than they believe themselves to be. Notably, impostor syndrome is particularly common among high-achieving women,[1] although both genders are affected in equal numbers.[2]“
It is said that 70% of people will at some point in their lives suffer with imposter syndrome.
Almost every writer I know suffers from imposter syndrome. Lots of writers I know (myself included) can’t seem to call themselves writers let alone authors. Yet, they spend all their free time writing, and most, have published books. If you have a book published then you’re a goddamn author. Arguably, if you have written a book but it is not yet published you are also an author.
Where have these self imposed, self depreciating standards come from? And why can’t we seem to acknowledge that our successes no matter how big or small come from our own sheer bloody hard work?
The thing is those with the syndrome actually self perpetuate the problem. I’m using writing as an example, but this is replicable across a multitude of situations including work.
We work harder and writer longer to avoid being discovered as an imposter, which leads to praise because practice makes perfect, and the praise leads to more imposter feelings and fear of being found out.
TWO
Sometimes we write or engage in fads – like writing about writing, or writing in a certain genre or even using hashtags because we think thats the right thing to do and what people want to see, but if thats not what your passionate about that can lead to feeling like a fake – or an imposter
THREE
We seek out others, make writerly friends and build our blogging communities, but when you get praise you end up feeling that its because you’re friends or supportive of each other rather than being based on your skills and ability as a writer.
FOUR
The last way people with imposter syndrome self perpetuate is through avoidance. Its the one I find the saddest. Writers avoid displaying any confidence in their abilities. They believe if they actually believe in their abilities they will be rejected by others. So they convince themselves they aren’t intelligent and do not deserve the success in order to avoid rejection.
***
I’m not sure I have the answer to this. What I do know is that when you are aware of something, behaviours in particular we are more able to control them. It’s like a habit, if you pick your lip, bite your nails or have a phrase you repeat and no one has ever told you about it, then the behavioural action is unconscious. When you are consciously aware of the behaviour you can modify it.
I really think it’s about time we writers, acknowledge our work as our own achievement. We need to recognise our skills but more than anything the enormous effort we go to, to produce the work we do.
I for one am going to try and celebrate the small things in life. Maybe I scheduled an entire weeks worth of posts which freed up enough time to focus on writing my novel for a week. Next time I finish a chapter I’ll slap myself on the back. Next time I submit to a comp I’ll toast to myself.
I’m going to be kind to myself, appreciate and celebrate the work I do.
I think you should too.
Let me know in the comments whether you celebrate the big and small things in life, and if you do, how?
Sue Vincent says
I celebrate… quietly… but that doesn’t really tackle the majority of those points.
Sacha Black says
Interesting sue. I think celebrating quietly is excellent. The question is whether it’s enough for you? See sometimes a quiet celebration is more than enough for me, but other times I want to go nuts – like when I finished my first draft – but I didn’t! I suppose imposter syndrome spreads across the work place too really so it covers more than just celebrations like you say ?
Sue Vincent says
I think it is even worse in a society where any blowing of one’s own trumpet is seen as bad form..
Sacha Black says
agreed. Except I am taking a stance, and saying blowing ones trumpet when one has actually achieved something is ok. in fact its more than ok, its an achievement in itself! I say sod everyone else, if you achieve something bloody celebrate it ! 😀
Sue Vincent says
I’m with you there, Sacha and Stu and I will be celebrating the new book out today at the weekend… A bit of a tongue in cheek departure 😉
Sacha Black says
ooh awesome – congratulations – I will pop over and do some tweeting/sharing 😀
Sue Vincent says
Cheers, Sacha.. I’d appreciate that, thank you!
Graeme Cumming says
And there was me thinking it’s just a British thing…
I hadn’t considered the lack of celebration as being part of this syndrome, though now you’ve mentioned it I realise that I can’t recall doing anything particularly celebratory when I’ve reached a certain point with a project. Which seems odd, on reflection, because I’m a big believer in celebrating. I’ll have to find a way of doing that next time I hit a milestone.
Great post, Sacha
Sacha Black says
Thanks Graeme,
haha – well I did consider it British – but actually I think its something people suffer with worldwide sadly.
Glad you’re a believer – you can be our role model 😀
speaking of hitting milestones…. how is that sequel coming?
Graeme Cumming says
It’s not a sequel! But I’m up at around 42000 words at the moment, so it’s progressing, if not as rapidly as I’d like.
As for role models… That’s something I don’t think I’ll ever aspire to – but thanks for the vote of confidence.
Ali Isaac says
I think its because most of us are Indie authors and despite the fact that we made it, we havent had that agent or editor assess us as good enough, or the big sales that come with trad pubbing to confirm it. The trad pub process is still seen as THE mark of success, whether subconsciously or not. And our Indie community has taken over something of a motherly role, perhaps, who loves us and thinks us brilliant whatever offering we churn out? Or at least thats probably how we justify the likes and tweets! Lol!
Sacha Black says
Interesting – I don’t tweet or like anything I don’t like. But I take your point. I guess I am talking about the smaller achievements though – the first draft of a novel – that to me seems like you broke the back of something and is a huge achievement. or like say you publish a new book? so many people don’t celebrate that – WHY?????? who gives a shit if it was trad pubbed or not YOU PUBLISHED A BOOK – seriously how many millions of people can’t even write one… you know?!
Ali Isaac says
I totally get your point! And I totally agree! Apparrantly starting to write a book is one of the most popular new years resolutions, but very few actually complete them.
Sacha Black says
No way?! Is that true?? Must be like going to the gym as a resolution!
Ali Isaac says
Haha! Yes, I wonder which one falls by the wayside first…
TanGental says
One of my biggest bugbears is when I’m asked what I’ve been doing, I say I’ve written a book, they say is it published, I say, yes actually and they say — *murderous look* who published it? What the fuck does it matter? Ok, if you work in publishing I’ll give you it’s relevant but if not… I painted a picture – whose paint did you use; I cooked a cake – who’s recipe. Like they know the difference between Random House and Penguin, a small or a big publisher. This is part of the reason people still struggle to acknowledge themselves as Indies. Grrrr
Ali Isaac says
I know. It’s like they don’t want you to be successful, and by being Indie pubbed they can discount it as irrelevant. Its a snooty attitude which pervades all art forms, unfortunately.
Sacha Black says
Not that I have experience of this – but I feel your pain.
eloisedesousa says
I agree with the comments above. Speaking about my books seems crass and I take on a quieter role instead of celebrating my books.
You hit the nail on the head Sacha.
Sacha Black says
Hi Eloise – stop that! You’re allowed to celebrate – you have achieved an enormous amount. Don’t celebrate quietly because of what others might think, celebrate loudly because of what YOU have achieved. Be proud – you’re a hero for finishing novels. <3
eloisedesousa says
Thanks Sacha. ?
The Story Reading Ape says
Reblogged this on Chris The Story Reading Ape's Blog.
Sacha Black says
Aren’t you the loveliest ape! 🙂 <3 thanks chris. appreciated – how was your halloween weekend?
The Story Reading Ape says
Not the last time I looked in the mirror Sacha – Every time I clean my teeth I scare myself 😀 😀 😀
Solveig says
Great post! I think too many people suffer of this syndrome. It took me days to tell my fiancé about my blog and months to let my parents know (they found out who I joined Twitter…). Most of my friends don’t know that I write because I celebrate it little.
In the past I celebrated things but then I was “taught” not to be proud of the little achievements.
Now when I get positive comments/do a guest post I let my fiancé know because I am proud of myself and need to share these things in a conversation. So in a way I am learning again to celebrate. 😉
But I do see it everyday and everywhere, I even have the feeling that here (in France) it is expected…
Sacha Black says
Thanks so much for reading it 😀 I agree – so many people do suffer with it and its such a tragedy. Gosh I can’t believe it took you that long. Its a sad thing you were taught not to be proud or celebrate. I’m glad you let your fiancé know 🙂 I think its important. 🙂
Solveig says
I celebrate all the time now.
I see it all around me, I work with a lot of kids who don’t believe in themselves because they are always told they won’t make it.
Mick Canning says
It’s primarily a lack of confidence in many people, Sacha. I find it very difficult to ever believe that I am good at anything. No matter what I achieve, I always feel that I am a bit of a fraud, that I have somehow just ‘winged it’ and will be ‘found out’ at some point. You’d need to write a long post to explore it properly, but I wonder if that is the reason many of us turn to writing; it is a solitary activity, so we are not in a particulary competetive environment and surrounded by others watching us work and potentially judging our every move and decision *phew!*.
Sacha Black says
Yes i can understand the lack of confidence, I can’t say I’m that confident in front of a computer screen either. BUT and here’s the thing, if we want other people to believe in us, and believe in our work, then we have to believe in ourselves, no matter how unconfident we feel. and thats why starting with celebrating the small achievements will hopefully give us a path that will ultimately lead to confidence 🙂
Rachel says
I don’t normally parade around with my achievements. I tell immediate family and certain friends, but that’s about it.
Sacha Black says
well that as you can see is better than most! be proud of yourself though – you work insanely hard and you deserve the credit. 🙂
Rachel says
Thank you! 🙂
Dr. R says
Win the battles and you’ll win the war, if you have people around who are willing to follow you to hell and back, they’ll see the struggles and see you’re no impostor, you’re the real deal.
Sacha Black says
Thats a great motto. very profound. Cool new profile photo by the way 😀
Dr. R says
Thanks Sacha, you should see my new logos on my blog too.
Charles Yallowitz says
I usually go out for pizza and soda to watch TV for a day. Though I always have a tiny outline or character page with me.
Ali hit one of the nails on the head as far as indie authors go. We’ve been ‘raised’ to think true success comes from that agent, trad publisher, and being on store shelves. It’s how it was back in the day, which wasn’t too long ago. The indie scene still seems fairly new, so you have many in there that are confident to a point. Trying to shrug off years of ‘this is success’ programming isn’t easy and you always have people leaping out to tell you why you haven’t ‘really’ made it.
Now a personal reason I fall into this is because most people around me simply don’t care about my writing. They’ve looked at it as a phase or hobby, which means I never have full support. I published my first book and got the verbal version of a pat on the head. I still do if the topic is brought up at all. Seriously, nobody talks to me about my books unless it’s to ask how the sales are and to find an opening for criticism. God knows I’ve had a lot of that. Might just be me, but I have a lot of people in my life that think it’s helpful to tell me why I shouldn’t be very happy about a book event. These are the same ones that complain about me being miserable too. In other words, you have to factor in for some authors that they have very little, none, or negative support, which creates and maintains impostor syndrome.
TanGental says
Woof, Charles, I get a little of this from some. Not those close to me, but a few acquaintances are keen to find the (easy to find) knocking points. Sadly said acquaintances aren’t ones I can easily give the finger to.
Charles Yallowitz says
That’s the frustrating part, especially when supporters tell you to deliver the finger with gusto. It’s one of those ‘I would, but then the holidays would be awkward’ situations.
Sacha Black says
I think that is really sad Charles, that those around you don’t care for your writing – BUT, I do think it isn’t surprising. I know lots of people who have similar experiences. My mum reads / skims most of my blogs, but I think I blog too often for her to read them all! but as for others appreciating or celebrating. People know I write because I share my blogs on facebook. But none of my friends ask about it. I’m lucky that my family are creative so there is some enthusiasm, but still I think that is partly because I talk about it non stop. I don’t give them an opportunity to not be enthusiastic because I talk about it non stop!
But I do think its a fair point – I was reading the reviews of someone’s book the other day and I was shell shocked at how rude and critical some of them were. I think as writers we are naturally open to a lot of criticism and negativity and I think its awful. What happened to the kindness in humanity?
Charles Yallowitz says
It’s frustrating, but I have to admit that I’m kind of used to it. Not sure if it’s better or worse than the verbal chestnut of ‘I don’t like fantasy, but good job’. That one always felt weird. As far as blogging goes, I’ve been aware for a while that various family members and friends of the family read my blog. I learned this when one of them took offense to something I said, which spread into a small issue. It’s why I don’t do personal stuff very often. I need more friends or to get together with current ones that enjoy me talking non-stop. Miss that because it helped me hash out ideas.
Kindness in humanity is only around outside of the Internet. At least I think it does. You can insult a stranger until you get bored and nobody will punch you in the face. Unless somebody makes an app where your computer or phone shocks you whenever you insult someone in a forum.
Alka Girdhar says
Writing a book is an achievement worth celebrating.
While one can be a great writer, a naturally talented one that is, without ever having written a book…but one cannot be a book author without being a good planner, disciplined hard-worker, organized and strategic marketer; all these other than being at least a good writer if not a great one.
Sacha Black says
agreed there are an awful lot more skills than just ‘writing’ needed to be a writer. Thanks for stopping by and reading my post 😀
Tricia Drammeh says
Great post. I definitely suffer from imposter syndrome. I’ve published eight books, but most of the time, I don’t consider myself an author. Most people I know (coworkers, neighbors, etc) don’t know I write. I dread the day someone asks about my publisher and I’ll have to admit to my dirty little secret – that I’m a self-published author. With my last release, I didn’t celebrate at all. Nothing. I didn’t post on Facebook, or call my mom, or anything at all. Writing an book is a huge accomplishment. We should be proud to to tell the world we’re authors, whether it’s indie or traditional.
Sacha Black says
Thanks so much Tricia. I hate that so many of us suffer with it, but I think its more common than we realise. That is a LOT of books to have published, and of course you are an author. I think we need to work on this stigmatism around indie publishing, published is published in my eyes. You should absolutely tell your friends/coworkers etc about your books – what if they want to read your books? I agree, however I get published, I am going to be mega pleased.
Jan Hawke says
Well – at least I have a name to hang on my guilty secret now! 🙁 I am trying though and will be celebrating my only published novel making Book of the Month status (1 of 3 with that moniker) with the Review Book Club I belong to. Nice Steak dinner and a bottle of good wine followed by a box of truffles – I so deserve it!
Thanks for this Sacha – am re-blogging ‘cos there’s lots of people who need to read this! 😀
Jan Hawke says
Reblogged this on Jan Hawke INKorporated.
Sacha Black says
Thanks so much for your support Jan.
Sounds like the perfect celebration to me, and CONGRATULATIONS what a fantastic achievement 😀
Charli Mills says
Writers need to read a post like this! I had a writing professor talk about this impostor syndrome 20 years ago, so it’s been around. I believe in celebrating. In fact, I celebrated the kick off to my revision process (which has me hyperventilating) as a way of giving my doubt the middle finger. And you know what? I broke my toe baking a celebratory cake! Now what does that mean? 🙂 Ugh…onward, ho! Limping…revising…but still celebrating, damn it…!
Sacha Black says
Aww thanks Charli, OMG.. poor you. Ive broken a couple of toes before, and I know it hurts like hell. Hope you’re feeling better. Clearly your a soldier as your fighting through NaNo 😀 😀 so glad you’re a celebrator – more of us should be
hilarycustancegreen says
I’ve known about Imposter syndrome for years. Knowing is sadly not a cure, but you are right, it encourages self-correction. With three novels published (but, you know, one by a tiny Indie and two self-published) and a non-fiction title coming out next year by a traditional publisher (but in a niche market, of course), I am slowly forcing myself to answer socially to the description ‘writer’. On forms, though, I find myself putting ‘retired’, or ‘Research Psychologist’… I am a slow learner.
Sacha Black says
Sadly that’s true. Knowing isn’t a cure. I wish it were. Even if you struggle to accept it – you were an author / writer the minute you published your first book. 🙂 I know you’re not alone though, many of us are the same. Thanks for stopping in. 🙂
esthernewton says
This is so, so true. Super post 🙂
Sacha Black says
Thanks Esther
esthernewton says
Very welcome 🙂
TanGental says
Yep, I’m with all the above who think this is one of your best, most sweet-spotted posts. I’m a mass of contradictions. I never really felt I deserved my job at Freshfields, I was a fraud who they never found out. So writing is an easy game to self knock I know its bollocks, I force myself to say I’m an author but it still sucks.
theowllady says
Reblogged this on theowlladyblog.
Sacha Black says
Thanks Viv 🙂 Really appreciate your support
Kimberley Crawford says
i can definitely relate to all of these points. I’ve been working on my first book for so long that it feels surreal for it to be finally be getting out there, and my heart always skips a little when someone likes or comments on a post I’ve made with some of my real writing on it rather than tips for other writers. I realized a long time ago, though, that I do have difficulty celebrating my accomplishments, as I tend to have so much going on, and such high expectations of myself, that I never allow myself the time to celebrate. I’ve created a full fashion line and showed in Boston Fashion Week, I’ve had my photography published, and I’ve won art contests my entire life, and I’ve never really done much celebrating because there is always something else that needs my attention. I decided that this time, I am going to make the time. I have a bottle of wine waiting patiently to be opened when my first book is published on December 9th, and I will probably be going out for dinner with friends to celebrate finally being done with the book I’ve been working on for (quite literally) half my life.
Sacha Black says
I think high expectations are a problem for a lot of people. That’s definitely my problem. Wow, you sound like you have A LOT of achievements under your belt, so many I’m shocked you haven’t celebrated before. You so deserve it and cheers – heres to your publication 🙂
Kimberley Crawford says
Haha thanks! I’m actually just off to celebrate another achievement right now, and this time I’m actually going to celebrate it! I’ve been trying to get my art out into the world for years, and I’m finally getting the chance due to being invited to show in a gallery in my hometown! 🙂
Tricia Drammeh says
Reblogged this on Tricia Drammeh and commented:
Awesome post! I suffer from Imposter Syndrome and I’m giving it the middle finger.
Mr. Militant Negro says
Reblogged this on The Militant Negro™.
Sacha Black says
Thanks so much for the reblog 🙂
dgkaye says
Amazing article!!! I’m guilty on many counts! Don’t get me started! 🙂
Sacha Black says
Thanks Debbie 🙂 and tut tut, you are an amazing writer/author/woman, so stop that nonsense <3
dgkaye says
I’m humbled my friend. <3
rosedandrea says
Reblogged this on Rose's Road and commented:
There are times I have to remind myself that I actually am the author of a book of poetry. But the next though is that it’s not that great, or even very long.
Talk about self-demoralizing. :/ Do you have Impostor Syndrome?
Sacha Black says
Thank you so much for the reblog Rose, I really appreciate it and so you should be proud. YOU ARE AN AUTHOR and it is a HUGE achievement. Congratulations.
lbeth1950 says
I am the worst at celebrating myself. I don’t even like for people to know my birthday for dreading a fuss. Maybe we need an imposter syndrome award for the most reticent. Wouldn’t that be a nightmare!
Sacha Black says
haha! now that would be an award! You definitely need a bit of fuss every now and then! its good for you 😛
lbeth1950 says
You are right!
Icy Sedgwick says
I feel like that pretty much all the time. When I had my first book published everyone was very congratulatory and I was all “Oh anyone could have done it”. I did the first couple of chapters of my PhD, and I just said “If I can do it, anyone can”. I came second in a tutor’s choice award at work, and I just said “Oh the students only like me because I do the computer stuff with them”. I’m incapable of recognising achievements as being worth celebrating because I assume if I can do something, then anyone could!
Sacha Black says
Hey Icy, thats such a shame that you feel like that. You totally have to be proud. Sounds like you have LOADS of achievements, and your not recognising them as yours, when clearly they are as a result of your hard work. oh and by the way, NOT everyone can do a PhD or write a book!! both mega hard things to do!
Icy Sedgwick says
I know, but I just assume they must be easy and everyone could do it!
Maegan Provan says
Reblogged this on Maegan Provan, Author.
Sacha Black says
Thank you so much for your kind reblog 🙂 I appreciate the support 😀
Sacha Black says
Thanks for such a lovely comment, I can’t believe you wrote a novel by hand now that is properly impressive. Congratulations on your contests too – competitions are SO hard these days the level is ridiculously high.
You hit the nail on the head though. we should all write because it makes us happy not for anyone else or any other reason.
Glad you’re at least tooting your horn, many of us don’t at all and we should!
Thanks for stopping by and reading my post, really appreciate it.
Hugh's Views and News says
No, I’ve never celebrated any of my writing. Neither have I celebrated the blogging milestones many others celebrate here on WordPress. Why? I guess it’s because many of us don’t like to admit that we enjoy praise or achievement. But you are so right, Sacha. We should celebrate it and we should never feel guilty for doing so. In fact, achievement should push us up to that next level of writing. I told myself for far too long that I could not write because I have dyslexia. Look at me now. Did I celebrate starting blog? No, but I should have done.
The C-Sweet says
I’ve definitely had bouts of imposters’ syndrome throughout my career but one of my strong desires has always been to become more self aware, actually pray for it and have for years…that’s led me to allowing myself to celebrate my achievements, so whether it’s springing for a bottle of my favorite wine or just allowing myself to feel good right down to my toes, I’ve learned to savor my milestone successes because I know that feel-good sensation spurs me on.
Sacha Black says
That is such good news because I so rarely hear from anyone that says they have managed to find a way to appreciate their achievements. I think imposter syndrome is debilitating and shatters progress too. I hope I can take a leaf out of your book <3
The C-Sweet says
Well I think you should because your blog is fab in every way and anyone can write a “go out and get’em” piece but it’s obvious, to me, that your writing comes from a deeper place and that genuineness that I strive for always comes straight through. I’m taking some leaves from your book Sacha, so you’re most welcome to use some of mine. Start today and reward yourself for getting your new year off to a great start while motivating other writers in their own efforts…honestly, you rock! I think I’ve morphed into a Sacha Black groupie. Consider yourself fortunate that across the pond and too poor at the moment to fly over and stalk you, lol.
Sacha Black says
hahahaha you are hilarious!! what a lovely (slightly scary) thing to say I am laughing my head off! I kind of think its a shame you’re across the pond! If you ever hop over let me know 🙂 😛 <3