Can anyone tell me a blockbuster famous novel they have read with a main character that was either gay or lesbian? Don’t worry, I’ll wait whilst you scratch your head to think… still haven’t thought of one? No. Me neither. Anyone else got an issue with that? Because I really do.

Statistics vary, but it is said that the LGBT population is anywhere from 6-10% of the population. So why, doesn’t LGBT fiction make up 6-10% of mainstream fiction or even 6-10% of mainstream characters? Just where are all the LGBT characters in mainstream books?

The first time I read about a gay character was in Bookends, by Jane Green. She’s a fantastic chick flick writer, but the character was a minor character (a gay male) and cliched, in a bad way. He had HIV. Ugh. Really? Come on, aren’t we over that stereotype by now?

Don’t get me wrong, there are some extraordinarily talented writers that are writing about LGBT characters, I have featured a couple on here: James Howell, and I wrote about that book, over on Ula’s blog the other day. There’s also the critically acclaimed V.G Lee, Michael Harwood, and recently featured Anne Goodwin, then there’s also Kiki Archer, who is obscenely funny (I’ve seen her read an excerpt from her book Too Late… I Love You) and Paul Burston who wrote The Gay Divorcee and also happens to run an amazing Polari literary group in London for LGBT authors.  All these authors are successful in my eyes with bags of talent and genuinely brilliant novels and more importantly make money from their books.

Maybe I am being a little facetious. I did just give you an awesome list of books, and the quantity of LGBT books being published is beginning to grow exponentially.

There is a rather exciting bookshop in Kings Cross, called Gays the Word. If you’re ever in Kings Cross with a few minutes to spare, check it out, and feast your eyes upon an entire bookshop FULL of LGBT fiction. It ONLY sells LGBT fiction. My jaw about hit the floor when I discovered it. If you haven’t read an LGBT book before then it’s a must do pit stop. But really, must all the LGBT books in the world be huddled in one book shop? I struggle to find anything other than tipping the velvet in a waterstones or WHsmiths.

Despite all the books I just listed. LGBT fiction is not mainstream, ok maybe Sarah Waters’ Tipping The Velvet is. But one book does not make an entire genre mainstream.

More to the point, most of what you can find without searching hard, is erotica. *foreheadslap* I mean, really? No one actually scissors people, and honestly, some of us actually like reading ‘STORIES’ you know the ones with conflict, plot twists and a little character depth that’s more involved than whose lips are whose and I don’t mean the ones on your face! *sigh* I’m ranting, I know.

But the reason I am talking about this is because I want to write a middle-ish grade LGBT novel. Think Jacqueline Wilson Girls In Love – that kind of age group, but with all LGBT characters. It got me thinking about how little blockbuster famous LGBT fiction there is out there, and even less for younger teens. I know of a handful, most notably I read Ash and Huntress by Malinda Lo, both of which, actually, were fantasy, another surprise because it’s nigh on impossible to find any LGBT fantasy, and definitely no LGBT YA fantasy.

If you’re about to say, well you’re a lesbian, you write the YA fantasy LGBT stuff. I know. I could. I’d love to in fact. Except that…I can’t… You know how stories and characters ‘come to you’ in moments of inspiration? Well apparently my muse does not wear a rainbow tutu. That or, she is preoccupied being a Diva.

So what is it that stops LGBT fiction becoming blockbuster hits like the Hunger games? Is there something stopping writers crafting gay characters? Fear? the unknown? terminology? and if writers are writing LGBT fiction, then what’s stopping it from becoming mainstream?

Believe me, life isn’t that different. Someone still has to do the washing up, someone still gets up in the middle of the night when the baby wakes up, trash still gets taken out, clothes get washed, food shops get done. I mean, to be honest, other than the distinct lack of a male appendage I don’t see much difference in this relationship than any of my previous ones. So seriously, TELL ME? Why? What am I missing? 

This is part 1 of a two part post. Next week, I give you my list of  The Top Ten Things You Need To Know When Crafting A Lesbian Character.

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Don’t judge me…I’m about to admit a really dirty secret… I’ve never read a classic.

There, I said it. I’m not proud of it, but it’s the truth. I know it’s awful, believe me. But I did say no judging. It frustrates me that I’ve never read a classic, but I just can’t. Oh, I’ve tried, more times than I can count. I have picked up Pride and Prejudice about 16 times! The last time, I even got a third of the way through. In fact, I have tried to read dozens. I mean damn, reading a classic is practically on my bucket list I am so determined to finish one.

But I just can’t keep them up. I dislike everything about them. I am not a fan of historical fiction, so that doesn’t help that they are all set in the past, but I also struggle with the language. I know lots of people say the language is beautiful, captivating even, but I just find it annoying. I am cringing at myself writing that, because I know what I am supposed to think and feel about classics. I am not trying to undermine classics with this post. Far from it. I just felt the need to rant, and hopefully incite some discussion… (please do contribute). I would like to point out, I have read a lot of classic plays and shakespeare, so I’m not a total heathen!

What annoys me most about classics is this air of pretentious superiority that comes with having actually read them. If you haven’t read them, well then… you are clearly, just not educated. That’s how society makes me feel for having not read the classics. I have a First Class degree and not one but two Masters degrees… so ‘clearly’ I am educated. So why is there such angst over whether or not you have read a classic?? It’s worse for writers too. I mean god forbid a writer who is trying to create a novel that could become a classic hasn’t read an actual classic, I mean they have no hope, right? RIGHT? Because only those who read classics are clever, and worthy of the title writer… *eyebrow raise*

Don’t get me wrong, I have read ‘some’ *waggles fingers* modern classics, one of my favourites, my favourite modern classic author is Albert Camus, an absurdist. I have read most of his stuff, my particular favourite is ‘La Peste’ or The Plague. The blurb reads:

The Plague is Albert Camus’s world-renowned fable of fear and courage The townspeople of Oran are in the grip of a deadly plague, which condemns its victims to a swift and horrifying death. Fear, isolation and claustrophobia follow as they are forced into quarantine. Each person responds in their own way to the lethal disease: some resign themselves to fate, some seek blame, and a few, like Dr Rieux, resist the terror. An immediate triumph when it was published in 1947, The Plague is in part an allegory of France’s suffering under the Nazi occupation, and a story of bravery and determination against the precariousness of human existence. 

I read it at school in protest of having to read a ‘classic,’ classic. We were given the opportunity to choose our final book for study, the teacher gave us a list of classics and most of the kids in the class chose typical novels. I chose The Plague because it was the weirdest darkest story on the list. *Yes, I was an angsty teen!* But I loved it, despite it being set in the past and despite it being a classic. It was an unusual classic, unique and translatable. Which led me to read all his other work.

But here’s the thing. It is pretty much the only type of classic I have ever been able to see through to the end. I have a shelf *literally full* of classics I have always wanted to read, and can’t…

So I want to challenge the classics, to provoke some discussion…Italo Calvino gives 14 reasons you should read classics, and Jamie Leigh gives another 10 reasons you should be reading the classics, including:

“You’ll increase your vocabulary,  Improve your social skills, You’ll be reading something of value, Literary references won’t go straight over your head, You can “reward” yourself with the film version when you’re finished reading, The classics provide an opportunity to understand, They will enrich you in ways you didn’t expect, The classics challenge the brain… in a good way, Knowledge is power, Literature, along with (arguably) all forms of art, is a distinctly human legacy.

On the surface they seem like convincing arguments. But I’m still not convinced.

Here’s the thing. Classics profess to make you more intelligent, ‘make you think’, provoke you etc etc blah blah blah. But don’t other books do that too? Read a philosophical novel, it does the same thing – Paulo Coehlo The Alchemist is the perfect example of how a modern story can affect you in exactly the same way as a classic. The blurb says:

‘Paulo Coelho’s masterpiece tells the magical story of Santiago, an Andalusian shepherd boy who yearns to travel in search of a worldly treasure as extravagant as any ever found.

The story of the treasures Santiago finds along the way teaches us, as only a few stories can, about the essential wisdom of listening to our hearts, learning to read the omens strewn along life’s path, and, above all, following our dreams.’

The irony is, it is now being called a modern classic – fine, whatever. My point remains. It’s recent, and importantly told in modern language.  I think has all the trappings and effects of a traditional classic, but as a modern story. Take non-fiction, I wrote about the importance of reading Non-fiction as a writer in a previous post, now I would argue that non-fiction does most of the points above: it increases your vocab, intelligence and challenges your brain, you learn new shit, and general knowledge references don’t go over your head. Ok you can’t watch the film, but can you see my point?

What about the characters? Are they still relatable, relevant, appealing? Maybe I can’t comment because I haven’t got far enough through any one of them. But for me the flowery overly posh language prevents me from really getting under the skin of any of their characters. *more cringing, I feel like this makes me sound uneducated* But it’s true, I can’t relate to their characters, I don’t feel anything for them except annoyance. And don’t get me started on the plot lines are sluggish at best and positively snaillike at worse. I am asleep before the third chapter begins, and in a coma by the fifth.

What I am not trying to do, is suggest the classics are not worthy of their status. I do get it. They were and still are literary masterpieces, art work even. But my question is can you get away with not reading them? Can you still be a good writer, author, reader, person, without having them in your life? I think yes. I think you can learn just as much from modern literature, after all we are writing for a modern audience.

What I want to know is what is it I am missing? Tell me… because I can’t see the benefit of torturing myself to read them.

So I am going to put it out there and tentatively ask the question… Do we really need the classics any more?

The post The Reading Like a Writer Series #4 Do You Really Need the Classics? appeared first on Sacha Black.

Sacha hates the third person. And she sits tapping at keys on the keyboard all she can think about are the times she has talked aloud or talked about herself in the third person.

“Everyone says you’re mad if you talk about yourself in the third person,” she exclaimed aloud.

Annoyed Sacha waved her hands angrily in the air. Irritation brewing at the thought of how long (weeks) she has tried to write this post. Her aim, was to write the whole thing in the third person, but as she jabs the keys and her blood slowly begins froths and bubble in frustration, doubt settles in… Sacha isn’t sure she can even write consistently in the third person.

Sacha wonders why some people like writing in the third person. She knows that like everything there are fashions in writing. There has been a fashion for writing in the third person for some time, but the last five years has seen a dramatic turn around with the like of young adult fantasy and dystopian trilogies taking centre stage in the popularity stakes.

And amen to that, Sacha thought.

What provoked Sacha to write this post, was her attempt at reading ‘Uglies’ by Scott Westerfield, a book that has been on her ‘to read’ pile for some time. A book that to all intents and purposes should be right up her alley. But as she read it, she became more and more frustrated at the style of writing. It was, of course, written in the third person.

Of course Sacha isn’t trying to be biased, some of her favourite books are written in the third person. However, this particular book pushed her buttons. So much so, she genuinely screen shot particular passages and had to angrily text them to a friend who had read the book.

“But this just sounds ridiculous,” she whined, “don’t you find the repetition of the name ‘Tally’ annoying and disingenuous?”

The phrases that made her send these messages were something like this:

‘Tally found herself wincing’

‘Tally found she hadn’t forgotten to bring the plate’

Sacha doesn’t want to be mistaken, she actually likes the concept in the book, and is going to attempt to finish it… at some point. But ‘Tally found she hadn’t forgotten to bring the plate’,

“REALLY??” Sacha shouted cringing.

This is the perfect example of why Sacha hates the third person. First of all, why didn’t an editor pick this up? Sacha thought indignantly. Particularly because she has her doubts about whether it’s grammatically correct. It doesn’t exactly flow, Sacha would hope that authors at least attempt to set an example for how young adults should write English.

Enough, Sacha thought, before she ran out of steam writing in the third person. Using someones name seems disingenuous, it’s impersonal. Sacha likes nothing better than feeling like she is in the head of a character. Like she becomes the character. Sacha doesn’t think you can get that as well in the third person. Playing God, and writing like your God, if you write in the third person, is just a bit arrogant if you ask Sacha. Ok, perhaps she’s exaggerating a bit, but you can see her point… just read her overly annoying, written in the third person post!

The post Writing Tips #12 Sacha Rants About the Third Person POV appeared first on Sacha Black.

WORST WEEK OF MY LIFE PEOPLE!!!

Babies apparently don’t appreciate this annual gift we are given of extra sleep, in fact, not only do they reject the gift, they completely ignore it, choosing instead to get up at the usual time (now an hour early) the joyous hour of 5am. Fuck the worm, I have never been a morning person. I choose to be a late bird, why oh why did my son not inherit this precious piece of me?!

This was genuinely me trying to get out of bed at 5am to get the boy this morning.

The thing is, he is doesn’t just affect the morning its also affecting the evening. Instead of going to be at 7, like normal we get to half past 6, and he goes all

Its horrendous. We have tried everything from distraction, to TV, to extra milk, and out and out bribery! nothing is working. So tomorrow we have asked friends to come round to try and distract him between half six and 7, in the vague hope ‘new faces’ might be exciting! sigh. My caffeine intake this week is actually offensive!

Anyone else suffering with Daylight Savings Time?

The post Daylight Savings Time + Toddlers appeared first on Sacha Black.

The wife has always had a penchant for Disney. I on the other hand barely watched them as a child, preferring to have my head stuck firmly in the pages of dusty old books. Disney came up in conversation again recently – having pushed a small human out – and the fact she wanted to have a large collection of disney films ready for the boy to watch. Sky had a few on demand over Christmas, so we sat down and stuck The Little Mermaid (TLM) on.

I sat, aghast for the entire film. How has disney been able to produce films that are quite simply an abomination. People – and by people I refer to the murky world of ‘parents’ – seem to rave about disney and how good their films are…. Good?

Good – sure, if you count a hideously antifeminist, despicably amoral story that has nothing even remotely like the ethics or values I want my son to grow up with.

I hate to be a mermaid basher so I will start with a positive. Race equality – TLM is a great story about how love is equal across any race, Mermaid loves a human, different races, love conquers all blah, blah, blah, Great – this is a moral I can not only live with, but as a lesbian, actively promote and encourage. I want my child to know they can love whoever they want, no matter their race, creed, gender or otherwise.

The Film:

Issue 1: Ariel falls in love with the prince. – So wrong. She spontaneously falls in love with someone she has never spoken to and mostly just perved on, in a fairly stalkerish way from afar.

Would you encourage your kid to do this? I doubt it. I can already see the injunctions and restraining orders being slapped all over him, because a stupid film told him real love happens by stalking someone for two days. Ok, I am being facetious but you see my point. I would also like to point out I am not suggesting that I don’t believe in love at first sight. More that you need to have a reality check in real life, even if you do fall for someone instantly.
Issue 2: Ariel wants to change herself to be with him.

I hate to go all feminist ranty on you. Actually, I don’t hate it, I love a good feminist rant. In fact, any sort of rant. I digress – BUT don’t we have enough antifeminist-bullshit pressure to conform to the ultra skinny, rib protruding, size of a seven year old, bulimic-anorexic, vomit inducing ‘celebrity look’ society the media loves, without having it force-fed subconsciously to our infants. UGH. No woman…. Actually no man either, should ever have to change themselves to be with someone. Is it just me? Or do we spend hours of our lives giving advice to our perpetually confused friends on their relationships, and why it’s not ok for them to allow their partner to nag them into suppression?

Issue 3: The prince starts to fall for Ariel but then deserts her instantly for a disguised Ursula over something so shallow as her voice! He decides to marry Ursula immediately having spent all of no time getting to know her…

Where do I even start with this. It is not ok to teach my child that they can desert a woman (or man) based solely on a characteristic. Thats akin to suggesting it’s ok to leave their partner if they get fat, or a scar, or a disability. I mean SERIOUSLY. And then to marry the other woman because of that same characteristic, after what 2.5 milliseconds of time spent with said woman… sure thats an outstanding idea. I am positive all parents would approve of their kids doing this.

Issue 4: Instead of Ariel taking her pride and moving on she pandas to the prince and chases after him. 

This makes me want to claw my face off in frustration and resort to excessive amounts of alcohol. How low must her self confidence be to chase after a guy who only likes her because of her voice and will desert her as quickly as he met her for another woman simply because she lost that characteristic.

Issue 5: After all that the prince goes back to Ariel dumping Ursula and THEN kills Ursula just for good measure.

Now I just feel awkward. No one wants to date a psychopath, and lets be honest, the prince is looking more and more like a psychopath; with emotions unnecessarily fickle, and an assumption that it’s ok to off your ex…

Despite the fact I am resolute in knowing TLM is morally wrong, it’s not like theres anything better on the market. I think I may have to go investigate the other films!

The post The Abomination That is Disney! appeared first on Sacha Black.

You can beat me,

You can push me down,

But I will get up,

I will try again,

And I won’t give up,

One day when your tired,

When your broken,

And when you quit

I will triumph, I will stand proud, and I will win.

Sacha Black

****

What a ridiculous week.

I have never met a bunch of more miserable, bubble bursting, negative  people in my life. I know were in a recession but seriously, theres no need to make me miserable just because you are!

I met a senior manager recently who told me that I wouldn’t have a job in a few years time, that there wouldn’t be any money for managers or project managers like me. That we were facing hard times and more cuts were coming, they continued…

“realistically I ought to find a ‘proper profession'”

Thing is it was meant to be a motivating statement because they were trying to poach me into their department. Probably is, once I heard that they thought I wouldn’t have a career etc etc I kinda switched off.

Then a few days later I met my new mentor.

WELL.

They asked me what my biggest challenges were at the moment. I said that in my previous job I was really passionate and enjoyed living to work. Whilst I understood that there was a balance to be had and that it wouldn’t always be like that, I wanted to still be passionate about what I was doing, and that I was struggling to find a niche in the job I am doing at the moment to be passionate about.

My mentor kindly told me that I needed a reality check because most people work to live and that I should probably get used to it.

I was utterly shocked that for someone who is supposed to mentor, coach and motivate someone that they could be so negative and pessimistic. I am not naive I know most people work to live, but for goodness sake you don’t have too.

Only you have control over your life and the direction you choose to take. People choose to stay in jobs they hate for a variety of reasons, but I am sorry that’s your choice. If you were really miserable then only you can make the change you need too, to do what makes you happy. I think it’s utter bollocks that I should expect to not be passionate about my job and expect to work to live. Bollocks.

The post Lesson 101 in how to demotivate someone appeared first on Sacha Black.

We have established that I hate vague rambling discussions and or instructions, and these nearly made it onto my list of pet hates.

However, I still only have three official pet hates, (official because I have an endless ever growing list of things that annoy me, but three that will instantly piss me off)

I hate being patronized. It makes me arrogant and angry and ultimately turns me into the antichrist!

Don’t patronize me because

a) I am probably more intelligence than you

and

b) I can definitely do whatever it is that were doing better than you

So this new person has taken over the HR for the scheme that I am on. Supposedly they are “babysitting” it. Sorry the last time I checked I didn’t actually wear diapers anymore.

Anyway.

A little while ago we were asked to organise an event. Asked for ideas and then the reins were past over to us to get on with the event.

New girl starts, a little over a week after we were told to get on with it.

Newbie sends some really patronizing email giving us an arbitrary deadline for the next working day to ‘submit’ our presentations to her to ‘review’ them.

#rage instantly.

Firstly we were never given a deadline in the first place, secondly dont ask for something the next working day when its already the afternoon and I am rammed up to my eyeballs in work; and thirdly, the event was still a WHOLE month away. Your not in the private sector now love. Welcome to the public sector!

I responded with a polite email back suggesting that the deadline be pushed forward because the event was a long way away and that the deadline was a little close.

This earnt the newbie the nick name “Demon Emailer”

The ridiculous email continues

“I am sure that you all have been formulating your ideas for what you are going to talk about since the time you volunteered to do these sessions. ”

The response I SHOULD have sent:

No you patronizing bitch, I have not been formulating ideas, I offered to do this a week ago. I have been up to my eyeballs in real work besides I am conducting a 15 minute ice breaker I do not need to spend hours doing it, now fuck off and chill out.

I didn’t. I was polite.

Demon Emailer continues:

If your workload is such that you don’t think those timelines are workable, we have another couple of graduates who are interested in helping out

At this point I genuinely turned purple in the face at the audacity of the demon emailer. How dare you suggest that I am incapable of delivering a 15 minute session in a months time. No I do not need help, its FIFTEEN MINUTES of material. I could piss longer than that, this is not hard.

Anyway, after my hulk climbed back inside, and my face returned to its olivey colour, I decided to march up to the demon emailers office and ‘ave a word’

Demon emailer can’t be thinking they can get away with this for the rest of their time here!

Polite conversation was had. Through gritted teeth I hasen to add.

Its at this point that I am convinced I am working with a full on robot. I have never seen anyone fidget less in my life. The wind could have picked up and their hair wouldn’t have even budged plus their posture was waaay too straight to be normal.

We move on a couple of weeks.

Demon emailer decided that they wanted a rehersal of the event.

Much to irritation. Again, this is 15 minutes. Not hard.

Reluctantly I drag myself to this meeting.

Demon Emailer then says:

“Now then Sacha, let’s role play your piece shall we, lets practice all together (insert painfully perky smile) and then we can all make sure we are perfect. I have trained people across the world  and  run events for small groups to huge conferences, and I know that to look natural and unpracticed you need to practice practice practice”

#RAGE

Firstly, no I will not role play my section, I am not four, and we are not in drama class now love.

Secondly, your telling me your life story like I give a fuck.

Thirdly, you sat perfectly still for so long theres a fly nesting in your perfect hair (ok not true, but I wish it had been)

Fourthly, wipe that perky smile off your face before I do

Evidently I didn’t actually say any of these things, but I really wanted to.

*sigh*

I did refuse to participate though. I mean really, role playing my 15minute section. Delusional.

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