Understandably I have been a bit slack at blogging because…. Baby Black was born on 30th November 2013.

My labour… WHAT can I say….It was pretty traumatic due to the length of the labour but in the end everything was fine.

I laboured from Thursday morning 28th (my due date!!) right through to Saturday night when he was born so a very long time!!

So, I started some sporadic contractions on the 27th, but officially starting continuous contractions in the early hours of the morning on the 28th. I went to hospital at midnight on the 29th (night of the 28th but morning of the 29th), and despite having what the midwife said were strong contractions 2minutes apart I was actually only  1cm dilated. Considering I had been contracting ALL fricking day I was devastated!

So I was sent home with paracetamol and codeine. I continued to contract through the night every 4 minutes, by 3:30pm on the 29th I was so exhausted and in so much pain that I couldn’t take it any more, so we went back to hospital despite the contractions only being 7-8 minutes apart.  When I got to hospital I was STILL only 2 cm dilated, so they gave me a sweep and suggested that I should have a single shot of morphine so that I could at least sleep through for a few hours. So I took it as I had been awake for 36 hours and had had contractions the previous night (27th) so had barely slept that night either. I sort of slept – if you count waking up every 4 minutes to record a contraction!!

At some point in the middle of the night on the 29th (morning of the 30th) they discovered I was 4cm dilated and officially in active labour, however I was in a LOT of pain, which is when they discovered that he was back to back…. explaining why it was taking so long for me to dilate as at this point id been contracting for two straight days with just that shot of morphine and some paracetamol!! (the other reason the labour took so long is that he was really big – but i will explain that later)

My waters broke at some point between 2 and 4am on the morning of the 30th I forget when exactly, but that is when the real pain began it was excruciating I mean really like nothing I’d ever felt. I threw up a full litre of liquid I was in so much pain, so I was given gas an air (a hilarious couple of hours that my wife can regale humorous stories about me demanding to buy the gas and air and waving the tube around and shaking my bump!) I managed to get in the pool (where I wanted my birth) for all of about 10 minutes.

They discovered my cervix was swollen and I had halted dilation at 4cm and wasn’t getting any further. I then asked for an epidural because after 48 hours and then being told he was back to back and not dilating any more I gave up (sad to say) but I literally didn’t have anything left and I was in agony. As it happened they would of given me one anyway because as soon as they put it in they also hooked me up to a  syntocinon drip because my waters had broken they couldn’t allow my dilation to stop. Due to the exhaustion however all my veins collapsed in my hands and they had to get an anaesthetist to canula me… think i ended up with 5 failed canulars in total!

My active labour stage was 20 hours…. so I continued to contract from when the epi was put in at 6 or 7am until 9pm that night when he was born. But I was a bit rubbish at pressing the epidural button so I still had a lot of movement in my legs, and knew when I was contracting.

Unfortunately at this point I began to spike a fever due to some unknown infection or other, so they started IV antibiotics but not in time for them all to get through to the baby, so we ended up having to stay in hospital for a week. Baby A also then got jaundice so was under a lamp for the best part of a day.

So the actual birth… I had stopped pressing the epidural button about an hour before I started to push because I wanted to still at least feel part of the need to push. Which I am happy to say I could – I was telling the midwife when I felt like I wanted to push and I was always right –

It took 55 minutes of pushing and thankfully despite a ridiculously long labour I did it, by myself, no assistance needed (except an epidural!) which I am sad that I had to use, but it was necessary anyway in the end.

The midwife said she was very impressed and couldn’t believe I was hiding such a whopper of a baby in there!!

He was born at 20:49 on the 30th November weighing 9lb1oz

My body is totally massacred though, I have some muscle separation but considering his size its not really a surprise!! So I have been referred to a physio in Jan, amazingly because I didn’t panic the Midwife was able to control my delivery and I only had a minor tear 4 stitches – 2 inside 2 out. But I had several grazes and part of my labia ripped/tore off and it wasn’t spotted until I examined myself several days later so it had healed unfortunately – so I feel a bit wounded over that. I am layered in stretch mark scars too. But the worst body torture which could of ended up with me in hospital was a retained placenta. I kept telling the midwives that something was wrong down below, and I was examined twice, but they couldn’t see anything wrong. Well a few days later I started to develop what can only be described as a tongue dangling out of my vagina – I was incredibly concerned that they had failed to stitch a piece of vaginal wall back in or something. The day after leaving hospital a midwife is meant to visit you  – It got to 4pm and I started to think that no one was coming, so I phoned the hospital and doctors surgery and they sent the on call midwife…

Now this was actually my community midwife much to my horror – She is incredibly attractive, and I remember saying to the wife how mortified I would be if she ever had to examine me!

Well anyway after a hilarious few minutes trying to find said tongue – which had disappeared she grabbed the end and asked me to cough and much to my horror I felt a long warm sensation – I thought I had urinated on her! – I hadn’t!! She pulled out half of baby A’s membrane one of the largest pieces she has seen- she told me that if I hadn’t been on antibiotics it would have rotted – and she’s not sure why it didn’t rot anyway as it was a week post birth, not only that she’s not sure why I didn’t haemorrhage or get septicaemia (something my aunt got when she had a retained placenta). Anyway – she got it out and I wasn’t infected thank god. But I am so glad I stuck to my guns and kept asking people to examine me.

Baby A has taken to breast feeding like a dream we are both smitten and he’s perfect – but then we would be biased!!

Theres a lot more I can update from our week in hospital and the first three weeks of his life but enough for now

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But for now bump photo….

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I have had a kind of extreme exhaustion that has caused all manner of changes! My usual organised self would have by now completely packed her hospital bag, would have sorted the babies room and done all other manner of things, but I have been so extremely exhausted that I could barely function let alone do anything after work. In fact most days I would want to cry on the walk home, some days I couldn’t even get through the day I had to go for a nap.

Well suffice to say that my iron count had dropped and that was why I was so tired.

Anyway, today is my first official day of leave. So I will be updating more regularly!

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Had the usual 60 seconds to write something:

He knew i’d caught him.

I could see the fear washing over his eyes. Redemption was mine and I was going to make him pay for everything he had done to my family. As I cornered him, and roped his hands behind his back he began to shake with fear, but I ignore him and dragged him towards the exit.

Think the exhaustion is catching up on me… I have had to take Friday and Monday off work so I am looking forward to the end of the week! Hopefully I will be able to update you all properly.

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But first a quick update –

I’m now at 27… and something weeks…. how did that happen!? I think that puts me firmly in the third trimester?

I have no idea what has happened in all the blogs I read, so forgive me I will spend the next week catching up on everyones.

BUT I have finished my dissertation! YAY. I still can’t quite get my head around the freedom yet! I still feel like I am meant to be doing something and I am still clock watching like I am under pressure! Except I’m not!!

We had a car accident a couple of weeks ago, were all fine, there were a few hospital trips, the teeniest of ruptures which meant blood passed between me and the baby but it was soooo small no one was worried.

So, now I just waddle more than I was waddling because of the SPD!!

So I am free now, to do whatever I want… So I have created a pile of books to read the height of me! and I have got my novel back out finally after what feels like a life time… and all things creative… I have been making wallets – duct tape wallets – pics below.

and now my problem…

The Creative / Artistic Problem… HELP…

I have been collecting images and such like on Pinterest and google as inspiration for different aspects of my novel. I want to do mood/picture/inspiration boards of some variety… I feel like I need to write notes in/around them, but the other part of me thinks I should have notes and images separately… I cant really decide how to do it or what they should look like… I have 670 images that need cutting out in preparation for this, and they will make several different boards, but I would love some suggestions as to how I should do it…

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These shots were taken first thing this morning so actually bang on date this time!!! haha.

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The Photos are a few days late in fairness, 23 + 3… but at least I took them this week! The double photo, has a comparison – week 22 vs. today 23+3.

I have to say I am gobsmacked at the difference. A lot of people have been saying that the didn’t think I had grown, and I was pretty sure I wasn’t growing all that much either. BUT apparently that isn’t the case! I am STILL growing!! and fast too! when I look in the mirror though I don’t seem to be any bigger and no one else thinks I am either – in fact the wife thought I had lost weight over the last week!!

Might be because I have been eating and craving fruit like its going out of fashion – I am glad because I would rather crave fruit than chocolate – although that said I did eat a box of chocolates over the last couple of days – ooops!!

So – this week…. It’s official… theres a weird alien inside me…. and you can feel it from the outside!! The sensations changed again when he moves, and it always takes me a couple days to realise that it’s him kicking and thats what the sensation is! So anyways I decided to shove the wife’s hand on my belly, as she has been getting upset she couldn’t feel anything as I have been feeling him move for weeks, well anyways – these kicks were very different and it was bizarre to be able to feel it on the inside and outside simultaneously. It was like some kind of… well I don’t even know how to explain it – a bit like a heart beat, or something huge literally knee-ing our hands!! and to me now, it feels like someone is having a proper rummage around my insides!

The other update – ‘Nesting’ ohh boy – I seem to have these ridiculous urges to clear out X or Y, and sort out Z. So much so, I forced my wife to help me finish unpacking the ENTIRE house!! box after box after box!! Clean down the furniture in the babies room, and unfortunately help me vacate my studio. I had to take the decision to get rid of it, because my wages will be cut so significantly that I wont be able to afford to keep it whilst I am on Maternity Leave… but thats another story I will tell you about another day.

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This is my 22 week shot – few days late – but the photo was taken at the right time.

This week has spelt the first onslaught of stretch marks. I want to cry. I have been feverishly rubbing Bio Oil into my skin a minimum of once a day and most of the time twice a day when I remember. I have tried to stay hydrated and done all the things i can. But I have two dots appearing on one hip one on the other, and the start of a very faint stretchmark in the middle of my stomach. I am so upset.

I am not massively vane or anything but I do try to take care of myself, and I like to look and feel good, and this was the one thing I was terrified about. I know theres nothing I can do but I was so desperate for this not to happen, that now having this many start appearing im not only horrified, but can feel myself getting really upset and down about it. I dont want to feel unattractive, and no matter how many of those face book posts showing a heavily scarred bellys and beautiful poems or statements about love and babies – it doesn’t help. I feel ugly and unattractive, and then guilty because I should be grateful I even got pregnant.

:*(

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