Do you like vampires and spice? This book is for you.

There’s so much delicious spice in this book as well as:⁠

• Sprinkling of Enemies to Lovers and Second Chance romance
• Multiple POV
• Then and now (dual timeline and interwoven stories)
• Age gap romance (side characters)
• Sweet and spicy
• Forced proximity
• Fuck you, I’ll never be on your team
• We might have to work together, but I still hate you
• Who did this to you?
• I will slaughter anyone that hurts you and drop them at your feet
• You have to drink my blood or you’ll die
• My six foot vampire girlfriend (my five foot hunter girlfriend)
• I’ll be your villain if you learn to love again
• Magic mansions
• Grumpy Gargoyles
• Trials and competitions
• Blood addiction
• Lies, betrayal and oh shit, I really fucked up.
• Compulsion
• There’s a traitor in our midst but no one knows who it is

Book Blurb:

GET IT NOW on all your favorite retailers or order direct from me at rubyroe.co.uk.

The post House of Crimson Hearts is Out Now appeared first on Sacha Black.

I really did have to rack my brain to find something useful to say because there isn’t much. We are human just like the rest of the world. For those looking for tips on writing gay male characters, I’m not going to be helpful in this post. I’ve stuck to what I know…lesbians. 

Before I start, I wanted to make a couple of points reflecting on the discussion the last post had. Firstly, it’s not just LGBT people who have a distinct lack of a market in the literary world, there are a multitude of minority groups that need adequate representation and don’t. It sucks for all of us, not just LGBT people. Secondly, a lot of people speculated whether it was publishers blocking the publication of LGBT character driven novels. I don’t have the answer to that, but I thought it was an interesting point. Last, I still remain surprised that TV is now at the forefront of progression instead of books – wasn’t there a time when books paved the way for new thought in society? i’m not sure how comfortable I am with TV doing it for us.

1. Language 

There’s this whole language thing to describe yourself – or not describe yourself as the case may be. Some LGBT (and minority) people hate ticking boxes, so they make a point of not identifying, that’s fine. For those that identify as well as saying ‘I’m a lesbian or bisexual’ there’s this entire spectrum of slang words to describe yourself. Take this with the pinch of salt, I don’t want to offend anyone, but this is the way a lot of people I know explain it:

A point to note here is: this is a generational thing as much as it is personal preference. I have some friends in their 50’s and 60’s who are feminine but would still view themselves as a dyke – it’s just a word that was used frequently in previous years. That being said, I don’t know many people my age that would refer to themselves as a dyke. It seems to have taken a much more derogatory meaning in current trends. Also, and I hate this, but this scale is a little stereotypical, but I guess stereotypes come from somewhere.

A lipstick lesbian is barely discernible from a straight girly girl – dresses, make up, heels. We’ve all been there and got in trouble for trying to chat up a straight girl thinking they were a lipstick lesbian!… Or is that just me?!

Femmes, are one step down, make up – maybe heels, probably very few or no dresses. Still interested in girly things.

Boi’s are the androgynous bunch. Mixed bag of clothing, little if any make up and a mix of boys and girls clothes, usually sporty.

Butches tend to wear boys clothes, behave a little more masculine and definitely don’t do makeup.

Dykes think stereotype: shave heads, flannel shirts, very masculine – unless they are older lesbians in which case it’s just a word much as I would use lesbian.

Another point to note is about the dating of language in a novel. If you are looking for current lingo for your story this is it. But be warned just like ‘dyke’ has gone in, out and back into fashion again I am sure the other words will too. Lesbian is probably the safest word to stick too.

2. Clothes 

In pretty woman Vivian wakes up all glam and slings Edward’s shirt on. Great, but as a lesbian, if you’re not too different size wise, you can actually steal all of each other’s clothes. This is a ‘thing’ some lesbians love it (see merging below) others hate it (me and the wife do NOT share clothes!)

3. Merging

Merging starts with the clothes, slowly but surely you end up dressing the same, matching jumpers, or converse, then all of a sudden you have the same haircut, and before you know it, you look, sound and think the same. All a bit dangerous as most couples end up imploding on each other in a messy break up like no other you have seen.

4. and 5. U-Hauling, Lesbian Bed Death and Gold Stars

U-hauling – when you start dating and then shortly after the first sleep over, your new partner basically never leaves. You move from being fuck buddies to living together with 3 cats in as many weeks. It happens a lot. It’s linked to merging, and always leads to lesbian bed death.

Which literally does what it says on the tin. You become so wrapped up in your comfortable ‘relationship spread’ you stop being sexual beings and ultimately stop schtupping each other.

A gold star is a woman who has only ever slept with other women, and a term used quite a lot in general conversation.

6. Be ‘in the know’ about Media

I just moaned about books, but I could moan even louder about films and TV. Although, there is an emergence of odd characters here and there in soap etc, there isn’t really an entire genre out there to keep you going much longer than a few days.

That being said, Netflix goes above and beyond to pull a rather healthy sized portion of LGBT films. But anyone whose anyone knows there are only a handful of lesbian tv series to talk about, and trust me, they do get talked about: L-Word is the most famous, a 5 season saga following a group of lesbians in LA if you are a lesbian and haven’t watched it… tut, shame on you. I don’t think I know a single one who hasn’t seen it!

Lip Service – the English, or should I say Scottish version of the same kind of thing that only had 2 seasons. And the three recent prison series – Bad Girls, Wentworth, and Orange is The New Black.

By way of magazines I am sure there are more, but the two lesbian ones that spring to mind in the UK are Diva, and G3. GT for the boys.

7. Pride

We are special. We get a whole festival dedicated to celebrating girl on girl action, or boy on boy or…and so on.

If you’re young, then pride is non negotiable, it’s a full-blown meat fest of shenanigans and willing victims all vying for their next shag. Of course, what I meant to say was, it’s a well established tradition to celebrate the political battles so many had when fighting for our rights… It is, obviously, but if you’re young… Erm. Yeah. Moving on.

There are even week-long pride events in places like Gran Canaria… definitely been there twice! didn’t sleep a wink for 7 days!

8. Babies

As far as I am aware, science hasn’t yet, been able to make a baby with just sperm, or just an egg. Although I have been hearing about this successes with three parent babies, for those who have mitochondrial diseases. But for LGBT people this is the major area you come a cropper.

8.a. Fertility treatment if you go through a clinic is MEGA bucks. Like THOUSANDS. I hear the average couple spends 25K on getting pregnant…

8.b. If you’re a lesbian its a shit load easier to get pregnant than if you’re a gay guy. Girls have an oven handy, all they need is the *ahem* *shudders*. That is one heck of a shopping trip – and yes, it is just like a catalogue!

8.c. Access to fertility treatment (in the UK) is unfortunately postcode lottery. It’s unfair, unjust and quite frankly disgusting. God forbid you’re a lesbian with actual fertility problems. No support, no support groups, no professional unless in a fertility clinic can answer your questions. Leading to frantic googling which often results in discovering you have toenail warts or something else equally ridiculous.

8.d. Your not always welcome in mummy groups either (I got ousted out of two). Don’t get me wrong, I am sure some are fine. But not always. It’s lonely being a mum on maternity leave. But it’s even lonelier as a lesbian mum.

9. The Questions 

For some reason, people think because my spouse has a vagina instead of a penis, that they can just ask whatever they like. Let me give you a list of questions I have been asked recently:

“How did you… you know… choose?”  Choose what? dinner? who was putting the washing on? OHH you mean who was going to get pregnant. Each to their own. The answers different for every couple, but 9 times out of 10 its bloody obvious to us, it’s just not obvious to you!

“So who’s the dad?” I try very VERY hard not to whip out my angry lesbian and smash whoever said it over the head. Instead, I smile sweetly and correct their grotesque language “actually he doesn’t have a dad, he has a donor.”

“Oh, so do you know the da…donor then?” Not that it’s any of your business but no, we don’t. We have a file of information, and before you ask, (which they always do) no he can’t contact him when he’s  18, that’s UK donors only. It’s a difficult personal decision, and believe you me, there are as many ways of getting pregnant in a lesbian relationship as there are hot meals in a year, and each one is a personal choice to that couple and results in a different type of relationship with the: donor, donor daddy, daddy, co-parent.

“Sooooooo….What does he call you?” UGH. You know, children actually have a habit of making their own choices. Most lesbians I know get called mummy and mama, but our boy decided to call me a variety of things from mum-mum, mum and mummy but the wife is most definitely mama. *shrugs* – kids.

“So how did you get pregnant?” I’m sorry, I don’t recall asking you what position you bonked your wife in the night you got her up the duff… what was it? Cow girl? doggie? or just plain old vanilla missionary? How the chuff do you think I got pregnant? I used some sperm, and no. It wasn’t with a turkey baster before you ask!

“So how do you have sex?” Omg. really? Stop doing that scissor motion with your fingers. STOP IT. It’s cringe worthy. You know, you could use your imagination! If you can’t then don’t ask me unless you’re researching it for a book (I’ll help then), otherwise I want to know the intricate details of your sex life.

10. One of You Game

There’s this game, a lot of lesbians plays it, although it comes under many a different name. But, essentially, you lesbian spot – it happened in a lift the other day. The wife and I absent-mindedly entered a lift behind another couple with a pram. It wasn’t till I looked up, noticed the hair, general stature, and distinctly butch physique of one of the couple that I realised – they were one of us. My eyes shot to the wife to see if she’d noticed. The piercing glare she fired back told me she had. It was now a race. A battle to see who would break first. Who would be first to nudge the other in a child like way and whisper without getting caught ‘that’s one of you’.

10. The Serious Side

It’s a sad fact that there is still some inherent inequality in the UK. Although the government has made progress and passed a same-sex marriage bill, if you think it’s provided equality, you are sadly mistaken. Did you know, I can’t divorce my wife on the grounds of adultery? Yeah, outrageous isn’t it?

But it’s not just the government. People still shout at you in the streets – some kid did it in my town over the summer, “err that’s a lesbian,” he bellowed as I raised an eyebrow and ushered my son away from the ignoramus. My wife had a knife held to her throat when she was at uni. Bigotry and homophobia is still rife, and the thing is, if your normal, then you’re unlikely to see it. To feel the constant pressure from being different, from having to decide whether you can be open or whether you need to hide yourself from the next colleague you’re being introduced to. I’m not saying if you write an LGBT character you need to go all feminist bra burning political. I’m just saying that actually, your characters facing the odd snipe, or dirty look, sadly, is realistic.

The darker side to this, is the wealth of statistics and information about mental illness, drugs and ill health. I’ve rambled for long enough, so I don’t need to add them all in here, besides, book research is healthy. But I know for a fact that suicide and depression is rife amongst LGBT people. Some statistics suggest drugs and smoking is too, especially with younger LGBT people and equally poorer health outcomes too.

Stonewall has a great starter for ten in these three booklets, being gay in Britain, being gay in school, and LGBT families.

***

Have you ever written about an LGBT character? Would you? If not why not? If you’re a lesbian what did I miss? What great little details could a writer add to their stories to give them depth?

The post Warning: These 10 Top Tips Will Help You Write Seriously Authentic Lesbian Characters appeared first on Sacha Black.

Can anyone tell me a blockbuster famous novel they have read with a main character that was either gay or lesbian? Don’t worry, I’ll wait whilst you scratch your head to think… still haven’t thought of one? No. Me neither. Anyone else got an issue with that? Because I really do.

Statistics vary, but it is said that the LGBT population is anywhere from 6-10% of the population. So why, doesn’t LGBT fiction make up 6-10% of mainstream fiction or even 6-10% of mainstream characters? Just where are all the LGBT characters in mainstream books?

The first time I read about a gay character was in Bookends, by Jane Green. She’s a fantastic chick flick writer, but the character was a minor character (a gay male) and cliched, in a bad way. He had HIV. Ugh. Really? Come on, aren’t we over that stereotype by now?

Don’t get me wrong, there are some extraordinarily talented writers that are writing about LGBT characters, I have featured a couple on here: James Howell, and I wrote about that book, over on Ula’s blog the other day. There’s also the critically acclaimed V.G Lee, Michael Harwood, and recently featured Anne Goodwin, then there’s also Kiki Archer, who is obscenely funny (I’ve seen her read an excerpt from her book Too Late… I Love You) and Paul Burston who wrote The Gay Divorcee and also happens to run an amazing Polari literary group in London for LGBT authors.  All these authors are successful in my eyes with bags of talent and genuinely brilliant novels and more importantly make money from their books.

Maybe I am being a little facetious. I did just give you an awesome list of books, and the quantity of LGBT books being published is beginning to grow exponentially.

There is a rather exciting bookshop in Kings Cross, called Gays the Word. If you’re ever in Kings Cross with a few minutes to spare, check it out, and feast your eyes upon an entire bookshop FULL of LGBT fiction. It ONLY sells LGBT fiction. My jaw about hit the floor when I discovered it. If you haven’t read an LGBT book before then it’s a must do pit stop. But really, must all the LGBT books in the world be huddled in one book shop? I struggle to find anything other than tipping the velvet in a waterstones or WHsmiths.

Despite all the books I just listed. LGBT fiction is not mainstream, ok maybe Sarah Waters’ Tipping The Velvet is. But one book does not make an entire genre mainstream.

More to the point, most of what you can find without searching hard, is erotica. *foreheadslap* I mean, really? No one actually scissors people, and honestly, some of us actually like reading ‘STORIES’ you know the ones with conflict, plot twists and a little character depth that’s more involved than whose lips are whose and I don’t mean the ones on your face! *sigh* I’m ranting, I know.

But the reason I am talking about this is because I want to write a middle-ish grade LGBT novel. Think Jacqueline Wilson Girls In Love – that kind of age group, but with all LGBT characters. It got me thinking about how little blockbuster famous LGBT fiction there is out there, and even less for younger teens. I know of a handful, most notably I read Ash and Huntress by Malinda Lo, both of which, actually, were fantasy, another surprise because it’s nigh on impossible to find any LGBT fantasy, and definitely no LGBT YA fantasy.

If you’re about to say, well you’re a lesbian, you write the YA fantasy LGBT stuff. I know. I could. I’d love to in fact. Except that…I can’t… You know how stories and characters ‘come to you’ in moments of inspiration? Well apparently my muse does not wear a rainbow tutu. That or, she is preoccupied being a Diva.

So what is it that stops LGBT fiction becoming blockbuster hits like the Hunger games? Is there something stopping writers crafting gay characters? Fear? the unknown? terminology? and if writers are writing LGBT fiction, then what’s stopping it from becoming mainstream?

Believe me, life isn’t that different. Someone still has to do the washing up, someone still gets up in the middle of the night when the baby wakes up, trash still gets taken out, clothes get washed, food shops get done. I mean, to be honest, other than the distinct lack of a male appendage I don’t see much difference in this relationship than any of my previous ones. So seriously, TELL ME? Why? What am I missing? 

This is part 1 of a two part post. Next week, I give you my list of  The Top Ten Things You Need To Know When Crafting A Lesbian Character.

The post Where Are All The LGBT Characters? appeared first on Sacha Black.

I have tried on a number of occasions to set lots of objectives for the new year, and generally speaking failed, or taken two years to complete them!

However, I am going to set some resolutions anyway.

1. Read a book a month (trying to read more non-fiction)

2. Give £5 to charity every month. I actually started this in November, donating to Movember, and then to NaNoWriMo in December.

3. Finish a first draft of my novel

4. Spend more quality time with the wife and kid.

5. Get to my goal size… (this is the hardest, chocolate addiction is a hard one to break)

What are your New Years resolutions?

The post New Years Resolutions appeared first on Sacha Black.

This is quite possibly the most exciting personal post I have written in a while. The posts about my life and memoirs seem to be getting rarer, but this blog was created originally as a memoir, so I refuse to let go of that side completely, no matter how much it’s evolved, so sorry to all the folk out there who signed up to read all about writing, this ones a memoir.

A long time ago, I was told I probably wouldn’t be able to have children. It’s a long story, but it ended up in me falling pregnant rather quickly and a hasty retreat by the fertility clinic.

Thankfully we managed to get pregnant, and nine extremely long months later, and 3.5 days of excruciating labour, baby Black was born. The best year of my life followed, and a difficult decision about sperm.

The wife and I thus far haven’t really wanted another child. Not for any other reason than, we need to pay off the cost of the first baby, and buy a house to make sure we can provide for him first before having another one.

We have spent a long time discussing whether having another one would suit us, and our family. We bickered a lot to start with, but I guess that’s normal for most couples. As time has gone on we have continued to learn lots of parenting lessons and are continually growing together on our journey.

Deciding whether to save sperm for another child has been a topic of much contention. It’s difficult trying to predict what we might or might not want to do in a few years time.

Of course, even if we didn’t save sperm we could have another child using another donor, but if the option is there to use the same donor, we are both in agreement that we would prefer to use them.

So we came to a cross road… To save or not to save? It’s an extremely costly affair saving sperm. To save enough for three attempts it’s a whopping £1000 for three years, and another £300 every three years to continue to have it stored.

BUT, we decided to save some, just in case. I am not saying we will have any more kids, as at the minute neither of us can see it happening, however, we are trying to protect our options, ensure that we aren’t taking our choices away and making a decision about how we will feel in 5 or 6 years time.

So there we have it… Very exciting news, the Black’s have a bank… a bank of sperm! (can’t help but giggle like a child about this!) But SHHHHH! It’s a secret!

The post Spermy, Spermy, Sperms! appeared first on Sacha Black.

WORST WEEK OF MY LIFE PEOPLE!!!

Babies apparently don’t appreciate this annual gift we are given of extra sleep, in fact, not only do they reject the gift, they completely ignore it, choosing instead to get up at the usual time (now an hour early) the joyous hour of 5am. Fuck the worm, I have never been a morning person. I choose to be a late bird, why oh why did my son not inherit this precious piece of me?!

This was genuinely me trying to get out of bed at 5am to get the boy this morning.

The thing is, he is doesn’t just affect the morning its also affecting the evening. Instead of going to be at 7, like normal we get to half past 6, and he goes all

Its horrendous. We have tried everything from distraction, to TV, to extra milk, and out and out bribery! nothing is working. So tomorrow we have asked friends to come round to try and distract him between half six and 7, in the vague hope ‘new faces’ might be exciting! sigh. My caffeine intake this week is actually offensive!

Anyone else suffering with Daylight Savings Time?

The post Daylight Savings Time + Toddlers appeared first on Sacha Black.

So, this is a motherhood post.

Everybody knows about the terrible twos, how truly awful they are with screaming tantrums and public paddies.

Hideously embarrassing and the phase I suspect most parents dread in young children. BUT SERIOUSLY…. why did no one tell me about the horrific change that happens at ten months? My son is now ten and a half approaching eleven months, and it was like an alien literally took over his body and possessed his previously calm temperament.

Nappy changing is simply an impossibility without an army of spare hands, arms and legs to pin your gremlin of a child in place while you change them. Ok, so distraction occasionally works too, but not as well as it used to! He now likes to pitch an absolute bitch of a screaming fit, when I get him dressed, try and do his teeth, or anything that even remotely changes his current situation.

In spite of the fact I’ve read a million mum blogs, help sites read books and compared notes with a hundred friends, it kind of doesn’t matter what they say or suggest because baby black, is just going to make life difficult his own way! When I find a solution I’ll report back!

The post Forget terrible twos, why didn't anyone tell me about the terrible ten months? appeared first on Sacha Black.

I am attempting to take more time for me now that I am beginning to get some semblance of routine back into my life. With work just round the corner an the end of my maternity approaching, I am trying to think more about myself and where I want to go. I don’t want baby black to grow up with a miserable mother – just because I carried on doing a ‘job’ that pays the bills. I want to be a role model for him, to show him if you want something bad enough you can do it, you just have to work hard. So, now I have a fixed laptop, it is time to crack on with my writing course. Incase anyone else fancies themselves a writing course you can find it here.

So my first assignment, and piece of writing I had to do was a piece of descriptive writing. I thought I would share it with you. It was an observational piece, and we had to choose somewhere of interest and describe it. Feel free to comment if you like:

In the distance an aeroplane rumbled, and I strained to find the contrail jutting out of its rear. Unable to see it, I meandered down the twisted wisteria walkway instead. This was the aisle I was meant to walk down on my wedding day. Sighing, I stroked one of the baby branches arching over the walkway and was surprised to find it furry and covered in moss; my fingers tingled at its touch. Its elder looked down watching it grow, bark as wrinkly as a grandmothers.

The gravel crunched under my feet, as I continued down the path. I halted as I glimpsed a hint of the pillar-box red oriental bridge in the distance. Veering off the walkway I headed towards the bridge to stand at the edge of the lake, I heard the quacking of a pair of ducks paddling in the pond, and the roar of a waterfall pounded the jagged rocks surrounding it. Staring at the pool beneath the waterfall, I wondered whether mermaids lived in the murky midnight blue depths.

I stepped around the end of the walkway into a huge open space covered in a blanket of green grass. It felt like I was entering a magical world. A towering pagoda stood peacefully amongst the trees and boulders around it. If you listened hard enough you could almost hear the clip clop of geisha shoes, and the flapping of kimono fabric in the wind. Poised at my feet, stood a single flower flecked with pink ready to battle the first frosts of spring like a samurai preparing for war. 

I inhaled deeply, and the sharp air cut my throat as it whipped my fringe into my glasses. I pulled my jacket tighter to protect myself from the chilly air and walked through the dewy grass towards the aged mansion at the top of the gardens. I placed my hands on the filigree garden gate, and shivered as the icy metal bit my fingers. A delicate spiders web quivered in the breeze lonely without its eight-legged owner. The stately gardens behind the gate were pruned to perfection, with chess shaped bushes and neat lines surrounding the majestic fountain centerpiece.  

Springs first sunshine kissed the mansions sandy colored bricks. Terracotta turrets bulged out of the roof, and evergreen coloured ivy crept boldly up the walls.  I walked away imagining wartime evacuees waving behind the mansions enormous square windows and running through the great rooms inside.

The post Writing appeared first on Sacha Black.

Like the TV advert, the wife and I decided to set up an email account for our newborn  son to open on his 18th birthday. We will spend the next 18 years sending letters, photos and videos to him in secret, so that his life with us is chronicled. I thought you may like to read my first entry.

My Dearest A,

You are currently my little sleeping beauty upstairs in your crib. I am hoping you are reading this on or around your 18th birthday, as we have now given you the password and account details for this account.

I want you to know, wherever you are, wherever we are, I am immensely proud of whoever you have become. I love you with all my heart, you are my world.

‘The Very first moment I beheld him, my heart was irrevocably gone.’ Jane Austen.

 

You’re 11 and a half weeks old, just shy of 3 months old. I look at you now and wonder how you came to be. It feels like you have been here my entire life, and yet, for just a moment, and already I love you with such immensity that it takes over my entire being.

I am still at home on maternity leave with you at the moment and will be for a few more weeks. I savour every moment of time I spend with you, because I will be at work soon and then every moment I spend away from you will be a moment wasted.

The best parts of my day are when you smile at me, or when I get to watch you learn something new. Your making lots of noises these days, and beginning to form a real laugh, and I can’t help but giggle every time you do; your learning to sit – although you scream in protest every time we practice, you much prefer standing up. You love your door bouncer and finally your starting to learn to roll over.

I am talking to my 18 year old son… I will be 44 by the time your 18. Oh my god, that seems like a life time away, I can’t imagine what I will be like at 44, or who I will be, let alone who you will be.

What do I hope for you? Firstly and most importantly I hope you are happy. I hope you have had a wealth of experiences, good, bad, naughty and ugly! I hope you are safe and well. I hope you have studied hard, and played harder, I hope you have loved and lost and loved again and I hope you have travelled.

Every parent wants their child to be a doctor, lawyer, pilot or some other well paid career. But I just hope that you have found something that will make you happy for the duration of your career, I don’t care if your a ballerina, a seamstress, a chef or a boxer. As long as you work hard you will be the best you can be, but enjoy whatever you choose to do in life, because life is too short to be unhappy…. but secretly I do hope you have chosen to go to university! I met your mumma at university and I am sure I speak for her too when I tell you how much fun we had at university, even during the all nighters trying to finish assignments.

I hope you enjoy the next 18 years of emails! It might take a day or two to get through!

Happy Birthday baby boy, I love you always and forever, mummy. xxx

The post A Letter To My 18 Year Old Son appeared first on Sacha Black.

The wife has always had a penchant for Disney. I on the other hand barely watched them as a child, preferring to have my head stuck firmly in the pages of dusty old books. Disney came up in conversation again recently – having pushed a small human out – and the fact she wanted to have a large collection of disney films ready for the boy to watch. Sky had a few on demand over Christmas, so we sat down and stuck The Little Mermaid (TLM) on.

I sat, aghast for the entire film. How has disney been able to produce films that are quite simply an abomination. People – and by people I refer to the murky world of ‘parents’ – seem to rave about disney and how good their films are…. Good?

Good – sure, if you count a hideously antifeminist, despicably amoral story that has nothing even remotely like the ethics or values I want my son to grow up with.

I hate to be a mermaid basher so I will start with a positive. Race equality – TLM is a great story about how love is equal across any race, Mermaid loves a human, different races, love conquers all blah, blah, blah, Great – this is a moral I can not only live with, but as a lesbian, actively promote and encourage. I want my child to know they can love whoever they want, no matter their race, creed, gender or otherwise.

The Film:

Issue 1: Ariel falls in love with the prince. – So wrong. She spontaneously falls in love with someone she has never spoken to and mostly just perved on, in a fairly stalkerish way from afar.

Would you encourage your kid to do this? I doubt it. I can already see the injunctions and restraining orders being slapped all over him, because a stupid film told him real love happens by stalking someone for two days. Ok, I am being facetious but you see my point. I would also like to point out I am not suggesting that I don’t believe in love at first sight. More that you need to have a reality check in real life, even if you do fall for someone instantly.
Issue 2: Ariel wants to change herself to be with him.

I hate to go all feminist ranty on you. Actually, I don’t hate it, I love a good feminist rant. In fact, any sort of rant. I digress – BUT don’t we have enough antifeminist-bullshit pressure to conform to the ultra skinny, rib protruding, size of a seven year old, bulimic-anorexic, vomit inducing ‘celebrity look’ society the media loves, without having it force-fed subconsciously to our infants. UGH. No woman…. Actually no man either, should ever have to change themselves to be with someone. Is it just me? Or do we spend hours of our lives giving advice to our perpetually confused friends on their relationships, and why it’s not ok for them to allow their partner to nag them into suppression?

Issue 3: The prince starts to fall for Ariel but then deserts her instantly for a disguised Ursula over something so shallow as her voice! He decides to marry Ursula immediately having spent all of no time getting to know her…

Where do I even start with this. It is not ok to teach my child that they can desert a woman (or man) based solely on a characteristic. Thats akin to suggesting it’s ok to leave their partner if they get fat, or a scar, or a disability. I mean SERIOUSLY. And then to marry the other woman because of that same characteristic, after what 2.5 milliseconds of time spent with said woman… sure thats an outstanding idea. I am positive all parents would approve of their kids doing this.

Issue 4: Instead of Ariel taking her pride and moving on she pandas to the prince and chases after him. 

This makes me want to claw my face off in frustration and resort to excessive amounts of alcohol. How low must her self confidence be to chase after a guy who only likes her because of her voice and will desert her as quickly as he met her for another woman simply because she lost that characteristic.

Issue 5: After all that the prince goes back to Ariel dumping Ursula and THEN kills Ursula just for good measure.

Now I just feel awkward. No one wants to date a psychopath, and lets be honest, the prince is looking more and more like a psychopath; with emotions unnecessarily fickle, and an assumption that it’s ok to off your ex…

Despite the fact I am resolute in knowing TLM is morally wrong, it’s not like theres anything better on the market. I think I may have to go investigate the other films!

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