Tag Archives: In vitro fertilisation

Psycho Sach

1960, Psycho

 

Don’t feel like talking much, I am trying really hard to stay positive. I feel like a psycho. Up one minute down the next. Same shit as last time, think I am pregnant one minute, convinced I’m not the next.

Much less stressful this time, because pretending your positive eventually makes you feel temporarily positive. But the two weeks is taking an achingly long time to go.

In the morning I will be 4 Days post IUI, and 8 days till I am due on…

This time feels longer than the last.

I hate waiting.

Not only am I waiting to test, but I am also waiting for an appointment with the NHS again. It’s beyond frustrating, I am on a waiting list, for an appointment, just for a fucking appointment. During this appointment, I will just be referred to an IVF clinic. Which means I will go on another waiting list.

I wont get an appointment for the referral appointment until the end of April. Which means I wont go on a IVF waiting list till May at the earliest.

 

HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE WAITING

silently_waiting-t2

 

Why can’t I just be pregnant already?

I want to cry.

The Road to IVF

fertility

Where do I start…

I am due on tomorrow. I had a BFN this morning, and yesterday morning, and the day before and the one before that… *cough* yes, I am clearly nuts. Lesson learnt, don’t do early tests!

I have to say that I was ok, I mean I was disappointed, but I was ok, I think if it got to the 3/4th time, and I was still getting BFNs then I would start to freak out.

This morning, we had our consultation with the consultant and I have to say to my utter shock and dismay, we have been accepted for IVF. I mean I really did not expect that. I thought that we would have a huge fight on our hands, have to battle to get IVF from the NHS, I thought they would say no. But they didn’t.

They said YES… YES YES YES

poster-hell-yes-800

 

We went into the appointment and they talked us through the risks and chance of success. Which they put at around 40% (but I figure I am young… so it may be higher??)

Then he just said, so how do you want to proceed, and I was like…

“er… pardon?”

he said “well, are you happy to proceed with IVF?” As if it was our choice?

I was like “ER YEAH!!”

So I have to have my tubes checked, and go back in two months, with the scan, and then they will refer us to any clinic we want, I was like the one with the shortest waiting times please.

and that was that!

We are in the system and on the way to IVF… I can’t believe it.

I am going to ride this IVF high for a little while, until I realise how many drugs and hormones I am going to have to take!!

HAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

 

Grief vs. Hope – A Sacha of two halves.

Tears

I am trying, beyond trying to stay hopeful and positive. All the  books, journals, and articles, say that you need to stay positive. That in order to keep your body positive, and all the hormones in balance, you need to stay positive and hopeful and think of the good outcomes etc etc.

This is easier said than done, everyone suggests to do this, but never really explains how you turn off your incessant, ‘desperately seeking a solution’ brain. I am begging for some ideas, I understand that I need to do its, the logic makes sense, but I just can’t turn my brain off.

There are 7 stages of grief

1. Shock and Denial

2. Pain and Guilt

3. Anger and Bargaining

4.Depression, rejection, loneliness

5. The upward turn

6. Reconstruction and working through

7. Acceptance + Hope

Are grief and hope just two ends of a continuum? Two sides of the same coin?

Currently if I’m not feeling one I am feeling the other.

One minute, I am desperate with grief, sheer panic, an agony so deep inside I don’t know how I am going to pick myself up and dress myself let alone get to work.

The next minute I bounding around full of hope and promise. Certain I will fall pregnant on the first try.

It is exhausting.

Is it possible to feel all stages of grief at the same time? Or do we have to progress down through the seven stages?

I am definitely still in shock, I am struggling to accept that I don’t have many eggs, but more to the point that I will go through the menopause early.

I get slightly excited at the prospect of having a baby, I am still adjusting to the timescale, but I always wanted a family so I am trying to think of the positives and the fact that I am going to get what I want, even if a little early. But then my brain races off and tries to think about all the things I would need to buy and all the planning and moving house, and then I get real and think about how far off that is, the pain and treatments I will have to go through in order to get there, and then….

most horrible of all, the fact it might not even happen.

And thus I fall back into grief all over again.

I am convinced grief and hope are one and the same, part of each other.

I need to understand how to get rid of the grief and stick with the hope.

Today, after all the reading and learning about fertility, it was a little paragraph on wikipedia that made my day:

A 2008 study concluded that diminished reserve did not affect the quality of oocytes and any reduction in quality in diminished reserve women was age related.[6]One expert concluded: in young women with poor reserve when eggs are obtained they have near normal rates of implantation and pregnancy rates, but they are at high risk for IVF cancellation; if eggs are obtained, pregnancy rates are typically better than in older woman with normal reserve.

I guess I just have to take each day as it comes, and try to find a little hope in whatever I can.

Three parent families… Genetically

I wrote this post on QueerLandia yesterday hoping that it would generate some discussion, but it hasn’t so I thought I would blog it here, and add some more too it as well, in the hope it generates more discussion.

I saw this in the news a couple of weeks ago, and have been meaning to blog about it for a little while. I am hoping it generates a discussion….

The news reported that some scientific trials to make three parent embryos have taken place, and the UK has now launched a consultation on the matter.

The trials have been coined ‘three-parent in vitro fertilisation’ (IVF) because the offspring would have genes from a mother, a father and from a female donor, who donates some of her DNA.

The original purpose is to prevent some genetic diseases from being passed on. In particular mitochondrial diseases that are passed on genetically through the maternal line and are incurable. So they take out the culprit DNA and replace it with the female donors DNA.

One reporter poses the following questions about this:

how is a child born from this sort of technique might feel?; whether the child should be told?; whether their sense of identity might be affected?; what the rights of the female donor might be?; whether the donation of mitochondrial DNA should be viewed as similar to egg or sperm donation, or more like blood or tissue donation?; and who should decide who can access the treatments?

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/health-and-fitness/three-parent-embryos-unnerve-ethicists/article4553114/ 

They claim it raises ethical issues because it is the first step to creating designer babies. I am not sure how I feel about that.

Having recently got married, babies are  definitely on my radar, I have been to a fertility show recently and the options are vast.  We both went in thinking we wanted to do it a certain way, and came out totally confused and completely unsure of how we wanted to conceive. Like did you know that a heterosexual couple only has a 10-14% of getting pregnant at any one time. Therefore the same chances can be applied to IUI (intrauterine insemination) if you do it without drugs that is. With the aid of drugs some clinics claim their chances of getting you pregnant are as high as 40%. I have to say I left feeling pretty pessimistic and naive about the whole affair. I had gone thinking it wouldn’t be a walk in the park, and would cost a lot but I certainly didn’t have any concept of how slim the chances are in relation to how much it would cost. Because its either low chances of fertility or you need to remortgage your house in order to afford it.

ANYWAY

I will be the carrier, my wife has no interest in carrying, BUT, I am desperate to have a child that is genetically both of ours. At the moment that cannot happen, or so I thought. This is why when I saw this article and heard it on the news, my ears immediately pricked up. For me the question isn’t so much about designer babies, but about the opportunities this brings to homosexual people. Does this mean that my wife and I could both parent a child??

Could two men both genetically parent a child??

Is that right? Is it ethical? Is it moral?

I want the answer to be yes, but maybe I am being selfish and only thinking about how desperate I am to carry both mine and my wifes genetic child. Is that right, should I be thinking that way? To me, it doesn’t seem like an ethical problem but a gift, and a miracle.

I would be very interested in what everyone else thought……???????