Tag Archives: labour

The Mother of all Statuses

Admittedly I dropped off the face of the planet, but in my defence I did push a rather large baby out my whatsit  9 weeks ago!

I met a mummy friend today, and she told me she was starting a blog, so I figured I had no excuse as a veteran blogger! So I am officially jumping back on the wagon. It was a fight to dream land with baby black but now he’s down here I am catching up!

I figure the quickest way to update you on the last 9 weeks is through short sharp Facebook statuses – Here is my last 9 weeks in brief:

 

4/2/14 Had the boy weighed today… 14lb… He’s a stone… A STONE!! Wtf!!

I just want to state for the record 5am is NOT play time 

1/2/14 And that is why I deserve a pair of Louboutins!…. And the fact I pushed a baby out my…!

cinder

 

30/1/14 Someone seriously needs to invent breast pads that actually work  this is not a good look

leaky

29/1/14 8 hours later, several nappies, play gym, bumbo, vibrating rocking chair, several feeds, me covered head to foot in leaked milk, sticky arms, no bath, no pee, inhaled food, practiced sitting, standing and grabbing and finally I managed to tire him out enough for one…. Just one nap…. I am shattered, PLEASE for the love of my sanity stay asleep.

And he’s awake again. Some one actually shoot me.

28/1/14   8 week health check and vaccines… FML

25/1/14  Dear pampers/huggies can you please invent a dry baby wipe that still cleans but isnt cold and wet like the normal wipes, because they ALWAYS wake the baby up in the middle of the night when u need to change them. Thanks

23/1/14  Won’t nap during the day when u want them too… But by god will they fall into an unwakeable coma the minute u want them to be awake!… In other news I’m pretty sure there’s sick on me somewhere the smell of stale cheese is following me and I can’t find where it is!! #fml

21/1/14  So tired today 🙁

20/1/14  5000 changes later a gallon of poo, dozens of nappies, half a roll of kitchen towel, several litres of sick, a rather large bogey, two giant pee pees, half a pack of baby wipes, and finally a bath, Atlas is clean, dressed, fed and passing out –

I on the other hand am rather sweaty, covered in several layers of poo, sick and wee, my child’s bogey and oddly macaroni cheese! When is my wife coming home…. — feeling fresh

16/1/14  Apparently these are the same age – UGH no wonder I can’t find anything to fit him 🙁

baby grow

 

15/1/14  Looking fabulous covered in projectile vomit as I walk into tescos…. Note to self – keep a change of clothes for mummy not just baby in the car!

9/1/14 Hate to have a bitch and moan but how in the hell is this model representative of post birth women? – amazon are idiots

skinny bitch

 

“severe” tummy muscle separation and an average healing time of 5-6months – which means no proper exercise for 5/6months – definitely shedding a tear today — feeling gutted.

Ok that would be the 4th change of clothes… #sigh

Definitely initiated into parenthood this morning – pee and sick on the bed followed by projectile sick on to the floor and three changes of clothes all before I’m dresses and out of my room BUT it’s all ok… You know why…. We have laughter as well as smiles this morning – and that made it all ok again!!

8/1/14 And we have a smiling baby black and it’s not just wind!!

28/12/13 Where has 4 weeks gone? Can’t believe we have been parents for 4 whole weeks already!

25/1/13 CHRISTMAS DAY

Thank you everyone for the love and messages  I just got home safe and sound but under strict rest orders and have some heavy duty antibiotics but on the mend 

Would really like to go home now — feeling sad.

So for Christmas Santa bought me a stay in hospital, IV antibiotics and some serious abdomen pain  merry fudging Christmas everyone! — feelingill.

23/12/13 Officially running on empty — feeling drained.

22/12/13 I now have full appreciation for the need for ‘family cars’ trying to breast feed and nappy change in my car is a full blown FML situation!!

…That priceless moment when ur little bub holds on during a cuddle and u just know u were born to be a mummy/mama/daddy or dada…. 

21/12/13 Best day ever when u can put pre pregnancy trousers on and they aren’t uncomfortable…!  still a long way to go though!!

20/12/13 Find “milk drunk” babies hilarious

15/12/13 Calling all breastfeeding mothers – upon leaving the house post feed – make sure your top is pulled up and ur bra covered particularly when entering supermarkets!

12/12/13 Forget being ambidextrous…. Having babies give you toe and feet dexterity!! I’ll be painting the Mona Lisa with my left toes in no time!!

10/12/13 Advent calendars…. The reason why mummies with Christmas babies know the date!!

8/12/13 you know your wife has OCD when she has to go out to matalan to buy cream mittens because you have put white on next to a cream baby gro!!! — feeling amused

6/12/13 Day 1 at home 9:15am everyone’s bathed and dressed and he’s been fed…. Hmm I’m thinking this is the calm before the storm!! :s