Tag Archives: NHS

Doctors, Hormones, and Crazy Pregnant Lesbians!

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Three weeks pregnant…

well thats what I thought… and so did the doctor… until I realised the EPIC fail I had made.

I am not sure whether it’s the hormones, or the ridiculous fatigue I seem to be experiencing, or a mixture of the two, but I have gone slight coo coo!!

Today I managed to leave the hand brake off my car, fail to lock my car door at another point, and then indicate to go left when I was going right. All this in amongst, putting food in the cupboards that’s meant to live in the fridge and other silly things!

But the biggest most epic fail I made was with my dates! I’m a fucking lesbian, how did I mess that one up! it’s not like I had a boat load of sperm on various days to get it wrong!

I have been using a period tracking app for years. How I have managed to read the dates wrong this week I really don’t know.

Below is the picture of my app. The tiny pink numbers tell you the day of your period. So on the 1st of March I was on day three. In my exhausted state, I saw a big fat number ONE, and decided that must mean day 1 of my period, and obviously it was the 3rd of March! What an idiot!! I mean seriously. What was I thinking. I have been puzzling over the dates, for three days! trying to work out why I wasn’t at four weeks, because your meant to be 4 weeks on the day you miss your period! What a total plonker.

photo

So in fact I am 4 weeks and 2 days pregnant!! Apparently, the below is what my baby looks like at the moment. Still mostly a mass of cells, but exciting none the less.

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The other great news is that the doctors are keeping us on the waiting list for IVF until I hit 12 weeks. This has taken so much pressure off us, and I am so so relieved. So all in all, a pretty bloody good day!

Which brings me on to my next point…

These hormones. I really thought it would take me some weeks before I felt anything.. Oh no.

My boobs have grown so much in the last week I have already had to buy a new bra. But most bizarre of all is all the happiness! I am not complaining here, it’s just taking some getting used to.

If I am honest, I was pretty terrified of being pregnant, it bothered me a lot. The thought of something growing inside me.

Today I found myself saying

I LOVE BEING PREGNANT

what?? Sacha doesn’t say shit like that! It’s like I’ve turned into this really maternal, mother person…

When did that happen?

I coo at babies, and bounce around the office corridors smiling.

What happened to the Angry Lesbian with a soapbox….????

Where has dark and twisty Sacha gone?

hehehe

 

clearly….

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The last thing I will update you on I received a letter today. From the consultant, who is treating me on the NHS. I tell you what if I wasn’t pregnant it would have sent me spiralling into a really bad low. It was SO negative.

In fact, so negative it made me laugh.

I quote:

It would seem that we cannot entirely write off this lady’s chance of conception.

NOT ENTIRELY? that made me chuckle. ‘ye of little faith’ apparently my ovaries ROCK!!

The consultant finished off by saying:

The ultimate test of what the significance of these results will be is how she responds when stimulated but as my best guess is that she will be able to get a reasonable number of eggs.”

Reasonable? no need to be so pessimistic, Mr. consultant, my ovaries have done the job for you! Much to everyones surprise!!

I am not sure the sentence is grammatically correct…!!

Anyway.

Happy Days.

 

 

The Road to IVF

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Where do I start…

I am due on tomorrow. I had a BFN this morning, and yesterday morning, and the day before and the one before that… *cough* yes, I am clearly nuts. Lesson learnt, don’t do early tests!

I have to say that I was ok, I mean I was disappointed, but I was ok, I think if it got to the 3/4th time, and I was still getting BFNs then I would start to freak out.

This morning, we had our consultation with the consultant and I have to say to my utter shock and dismay, we have been accepted for IVF. I mean I really did not expect that. I thought that we would have a huge fight on our hands, have to battle to get IVF from the NHS, I thought they would say no. But they didn’t.

They said YES… YES YES YES

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We went into the appointment and they talked us through the risks and chance of success. Which they put at around 40% (but I figure I am young… so it may be higher??)

Then he just said, so how do you want to proceed, and I was like…

“er… pardon?”

he said “well, are you happy to proceed with IVF?” As if it was our choice?

I was like “ER YEAH!!”

So I have to have my tubes checked, and go back in two months, with the scan, and then they will refer us to any clinic we want, I was like the one with the shortest waiting times please.

and that was that!

We are in the system and on the way to IVF… I can’t believe it.

I am going to ride this IVF high for a little while, until I realise how many drugs and hormones I am going to have to take!!

HAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

 

Breasts

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I have to apologise that firstly, this blog over the last few weeks seems to have become a dumping ground for the batshit crazy, irrational and overly depressed Sacha.

I don’t really have many other outlets to talk about how I feel, but more importantly whilst I love talking in general I hate talking about how I ‘feel’. I much prefer writing it down. I am a born writer, and it helps me to process my shameless, most private thoughts.

Today is bad. Really really bad. I meant to write a blog a couple of days ago about the aching silence between the first couple of days after IUI and the last couple when you can test before your period.

There was silence. It was horrendous.

My body stopped doing anything. There were no cramps, no signs, no symptoms. Silence is sometimes worst than hearing a cacophony of signs and opinions. It was just waiting. Unending, tortuous, mind numbingly slow waiting.

I am now 7dpIUI.

I am due on in 6 days.

Today was bad because I genuinely wanted to punch myself in the face. I am so fucking annoying. I (and by I, I mean my head/mind – my voice in my head which thinks and reasons) would not shut the fuck up.

I felt like I had a split personality, and all over a god damn pair of tits.

Usually by now my boobs would hurt. I thought, they hurt every month. Usually starts 8ish days before I come on and then stops a couple of days before I actually come on.

So I asked the wife this morning if she could remember if they always hurt, and she said no. Pretty bluntly too. I was like oh. Because I was so sure they hurt every month.

Anyway, point being, they don’t; I (irrespective of whether or not she can) can’t remember the last time they didn’t hurt before I came on.

Well, this sent me off on some insane thought process, some ridiculous symptom spotting madness all day. I could scream I am so pathetic.

All that happened this morning, was I woke up and my boobs DIDN’T hurt, and to be fair, I was bloated.

What kind of mad women spends an entire day twisting herself into knots over breasts that DON’T hurt for god sake?

Am I pregnant, am I not? Am I pregnant, am I not? Am I pregnant, am I not? Am I pregnant, am I not?Am I pregnant, am I not?Am I pregnant, am I not?Am I pregnant, am I not?Am I pregnant, am I not?Am I pregnant, am I not?Am I pregnant, am I not?Am I pregnant, am I not?Am I pregnant, am I not?Am I pregnant, am I not?Am I pregnant, am I not?Am I pregnant, am I not?Am I pregnant, am I not?Am I pregnant, am I not?Am I pregnant, am I not?Am I pregnant, am I not?Am I pregnant, am I not?Am I pregnant, am I not?Am I pregnant, am I not?Am I pregnant, am I not?Am I pregnant, am I not?Am I pregnant, am I not?Am I pregnant, am I not?Am I pregnant, am I not?Am I pregnant, am I not?Am I pregnant, am I not?Am I pregnant, am I not?Am I pregnant, am I not?

That is literally what my head has been doing all day. I just want it to shut the fuck up. It’s made me angry, and I was already exhausted today without my head twisting me into a mess.

I am in pieces. Exhausted, desperate, and seemingly slightly nuts.

I found the pregnancy tests that the NHS use, some really cheap pee strips. That apparently are the most sensitive pregnancy tests on the market.

Traditional tests like Clear Blue and First Response, are good, but they measure up to 50mlu. Before your pregnant you have about 5mlu in you. So 50 is about the time your period is due. These NHS ones supposedly test to a sensitivity of 10mlu… thats basically as soon as the egg implants.

The tests arrived yesterday.

I am now away on business so I can’t use them anyway. I don’t really know whether or not I should test, or just wait to see if I come on.

I partly don’t think I can wait. But at the same time I am aware that an egg can take as long as 12 days to implant. but 12 days is the day before I am due on…

How would my body know not to come on?

Look there I go again, I just need to shut up!

I am exhausted, I really am. I nearly fell asleep in the middle of the day today. It can’t be good to do this to myself!!

I just need to keep telling myself it will be ok, whether I get a BFP or BFN… it will be ok.