I never do this. I never post about my family, unless it’s in some self deprecating, ‘my wife thinks I’m ridiculous because’ kind of way. But today is Mothers Day and it’s my blog. So for once, I’m chucking routine, branding and all the other bollocks in the fuckit bucket and moving on.
I have a terror tot…I mean two year old.
And I thought it would be a good idea to indulge his my inherited sweet tooth by conducting some well time child labour mother-son bonding in the kitchen.
Now, I’m not an experienced mother, however, I do have two years under my belt so it wasn’t like I’d been smoking crack, I knew this would result in…. disaster, chaos, utter destruction of the kitchen.
But I sucked it up, took a deep breath and chained myself to the oven so the terror tot could let the terror tot open the dusty baking cupboard.
Well…. you can see what happened in the photo.
Now there are lots of ‘lessons’ I could share here, but all of them would be a load of shite because we all know kids are the spawn of satan unpredictable.
Here are baby black’s top cupcake tips: (tips may or may not be from experience)
- Instead of putting the flour in the bowl (which is incorrect), the best way to make cakes is to cover the cupcake mould in flour.
- Then rub said flour over ones face, it’s an excellent wrinkle reducer and also helps with fishing bogies out ones nose.
- ALWAYS eat raw egg whilst mummies not looking. The rawer the better, including the shell – crispy, but tasty.
- Hands must go in the sugar jar, and then throw it everywhere (that’s important) it’s like a glittery sugar shower the kitchen
- Ensure you put all cutlery on the floor and then double dip in bowls
- Stand on the butter spoon with socks still on (socks on is essential)
- Rub egg on mummies chin especially if your mum hates egg
Mix used cupcake moulds with clean ones so mummy doesn’t know which is which and has to wash all of them- steal the vanilla essence and pour half a bottle into the cake mixture
- steal ‘just removed from the oven’ cupcake and run away. Fast.
- Smother extreme stain inducing icing dye over clothes, face, hands, and body. N.B this is especially good after a bath.
- Whine until mummy gives you a half finished (i.e. no icing on it) cake, and then cry because it doesn’t have icing on it.
- Smother cake EVERYWHERE. Including crevasses, cracks, rub deep into sofa, mash and sprinkle on carpets
- Stow random bits of cake for later consumption, top places include: cupboards, clothes drawers and toy boxes… oh, and mummies shoes, especially the expensive ones with weird spikes at the back.
- When mummy asks what colour cakes you want, say monster, and pick out blue and green like Sully and Mike from Monsters Inc
- Finally, when eating cake, use expressions such as “mmmmm mum mum makes good cake”
- Watch as all is forgiven
what a wonderful post x
Haha thanks Sarah, had to be done! ?? ?
Ha ha! So true… For mother’s day, I made bacon sandwiches while the 6 year old made (delicious) fruit kebabs, to serve up to mummy in bed… We didn’t wake the 3 year old till the last minute, to avoid his “help”!
omg I am crying and laughing at the same time well done Sacha a perfect mother
Haha thanks mum, sure you Had the same!
Ok I think it’s time you gave him a blog of his own. I predict he will be even more popular than yours in half the time. I dont care what you say, he’s a little Angel! Happy Mommy’s Day! Xxx
Loooool I wish I could. If I had time I would! ? although I fear it may be full of: jabs bagelahvesdsa iehebrxyakalebry jehsvahakl
Happy Mother’s Day to you too ??
You mean you don’t understand that? And you call yourself a writer…
Well I mean I do, but it’s going to make for some long old nights translating ??
Looking forward to reading them lol! ???
I agree with Ali. The big man needs an outlet. How to empty the bath, 10 uses of pyjama tops, 16 unexpected foot prints in food sort of thing. Lovely memories mind
What about the occasional guest post here? If I start a new blog I’ll never finish a novel! ??
Yes that would work. Son on Sunday or something. Like Sue Vincent’s dog does with hers.
Yes, from memory, that’s exactly right. Your Not-a-terror-tot-at-all got it spot on.
Haha thanks Mick, we might….just might have to disagree on the terror tot though! :p :p <3
Happy Mother’s Day Sacha, and those cakes turned out beautifully! I roared my head off reading about all the ‘help’ you had from your lovely little assistant. 🙂
Hehe, Happy Mothers day to you too Judy, and thank you 😛 they tasted yummy too! Glad I gave you a giggle, think I went grey during the process though!
You were a brave woman indeed, but it paid off! 🙂
This is too cute! I hope you got some of it on video. I’m sure it’d be funny to watch again in a few years.
And Happy Mother’s Day! 🙂
Hehe, thanks Rachel, I didn’t, mostly just photos. But there’s plenty more opportunity to get one! and thank you! 🙂
Great post, Sacha. Brought back memories.
Hehe, thanks Mary <3
Such easy to follow tips. Thank goodness most two year olds aren’t readers or parents everywhere would be in a world of trouble. Speaking of, I just realized my four year-old is in the other room by himself with markers. Running away now
Lol, I figured other kids would like them! Right from his heart these tips! LOL.
OMG, markers?! the boy has a habit of drawing on the walls. Thanks to some foresight for once, all the pens are out of sight and ‘wipe’ off pencils are the only things he has access to!
Disaster averted!
Fabulous! Nothing better than making cakes with a toddler……
hehe thanks Georgie 😀 <3
Love the “glittery sugar shower the kitchen”. Awesome. And nice job on the cupcakes. (You got some great photos from this one!) You’re right. Kids drive you bonkers then, just like that, all is forgiven. It’s a thing. ??? Happy Mother’s Day.
Aww shucks, thanks Sarah. I know right, from chaos comes love! lol. I bet you have a million memories like this 😀 <3
“They grow up so fast!” “Don’t blink, they’ll be leaving for college!” ?
It’s so good to have days like these often. You’ll never get another chance. Well…you’ll get different bonding moments when he’s older. ?
Beautiful post <3
Aww thank you Heena <3
Lovely post Sacha… Happy Mother’s day. 🙂
Thanks Marje ?
Happy Mothering Day to the Black household! Have a sweeping good time! 😀
How cute! And the cakes looked yummy! 🙂
hehe thank you <3
Well, those cupcakes turned out Okay, didn’t they? I hope you had time to put your feet up while Atlas did the washing up and cleaned up your mess from the kitchen?
Hope you two had a lovely Mother’s Day. ?
Hahahaha, oh yeah, I get to put my feet up loads! All the time in fact, I think I need a holiday from all the feet putting up :p lolllll
Just like when I used to come back from holiday and need a holiday to recover from the holiday.
Omg this was hilarious and precious. You really do have your hands full, and you were sure adventurous to allow young Black the freedom to experiment ALL over, lol.
Happy Mum’s Day! 🙂 <3
lol, I may have embellished on one or two points, but it was mostly true! :p But hey, we can’t smother our kids forever! Have to let them learn and make mess and play! 🙂 even if it turns mummy grey!
Well, I’d say you extend yourself much more freely than I could handle. I give you much kudos in the ‘mummy’ department! xoxo
Enjoyed reading this, Sacha. I see you had a wonderful time baking cupcakes. It’s called bonding in the kitchen, and creating memorable moments. Oh my gosh, your little guy is at the absolute best age! Enjoy every moment. Hugs, my dear friend.
Hehe thanks Michelle, I did actually, despite the chaos, I loved every minute! :p
Sounds like a perfectly wonderful event. Very child appropriate ( and so much exploring going on) Good Mom. Good Mom.
Aww thank you ??
I know I’m a bit late but hope you had a lovely Mother’s Day despite all the cake-y mess! Hilarious post 🙂
hehe, thanks Helen, I did, was your mothers day good too? p.s. glad you liked it – bet you can remember the craziness like yesterday :p
It was, thanks, Sacha – we went to my mum’s and had a combo birthday/mother’s day lunch there, so it was lovely. And yes, I remember the gorgeous craziness of having a small person in the house – I know at the time it can seem a bit much but I look back at those days with fondness, especially as madam is close to 10 now and growing fast!
Aww sounds like a lovely day to me. Haha I am trying to enjoy the crazy. It’s fine 95% of the time! ??
It is, isn’t it? And it will pass soon enough to the next gorgeous stage 🙂