Some of you will know that a few weeks ago, I had surgery.
I haven’t had surgery before and I don’t mind admitting, I’m a control freak.
So the prospect of having my life literally suspended with no awareness of what the shit was happening to me for two whole hours, was not something I relished.
In fact, I spent at least three weeks prior to surgery loading my pants with a massive terrified brick. I mean, I was going to die wasn’t I?! Seriously. I thought that. I was convinced I’d never see my son grow up or hold my wife again because they were going to euthanise me with a general anaesthetic.
It’s safe to say I had more than one or two issues voluntarily submitting myself to the two hours of tortuous drill to the face American Psycho surgery.
The last thing I recall is seeing the anaesthetist pumping half a dozen vials of clear liquid into my hand. I asked what they were, and he smiled sweetly, with only a hint of a glint in his eye “a cocktail of drugs, enjoy.” I raised an eyebrow and asked the giant nurse on my other side which one would make me go to sleep.
I mean, they make you count down in the movies, right? I expected a countdown. I pay taxes for a god damn count down. If nothing else to pacify my inner control freak. I wanted to know my last moments before being euthanised. The tall nurse said, “this one…” I managed a pathetic “oh” and promptly said goodnight.
I was robbed. No count down. Nothing. If I hadn’t been off my face on morphine I’d have made them do it again just so I got the countdown.
Have you ever seen Me Myself and Irene? Watch this 22 second clip:
When I came to the first thing I said was: “I’m Jim Carey.” I mean, I was off my face on morphine, but having had a tube stuck down my throat and a Molotov of cotton mouth inducing drugs poured into my body, I was a little parched. They refused my water request until they had me back in the room.
At which point they put a BP arm band round my arm and as it filled with air and crackled I claimed to be the Hulk. Umm… It seemed logical at the time.
I think it’s safe to say I’m not really cool with black outs. But they do make for humorous party stories.
To the challenge (next week another game, promise!):
Black outs can be anything, from the lights being snuffed out in war time, to a quick nod off during surgery. Write about a black out in less than 200 words.
Esther up first, (who has an awesome flash fiction writing competition (with prizes) out now, check it out here.
The beginning:
Princess Fluffy Wuffy Woos gazed adoringly into Prince Hunky Dunky Doos’ eyes and felt herself drowning, dripping deeper down into his soft, shiny, whiny, choccy, woccy eyes: it was love at first sight.
The ending:
Princess Fluffy Wuffy Woos gazed adoringly into Prince Hunky Dunky Doos’ eyes and felt herself drowning, dripping deeper down into his soft, shiny, whiny, choccy, woccy eyes – again.
Al went classic with this start an end…
“I woke with a start…
It was all a dream”
Rosie broke SO many rules with this one and made me laugh out loud at the end!
Opening line…Ann sighed, she looked out of the window at the dreary, damp wet clouds, they were heavy with fat droplets of rain, she stopped listening to the teacher who was droning on about someone famous in another lifetime, and somehow let her mind drift to last year when her life changed forever.
Closing line…the thing was gaining on them, they ran faster, jumping over dropped branches, Ann looked back to see how close it was, she glanced at Paul and caught her breath as he began to glow, she smiled, could they really make it in time? ….continued in book 2
Jane came up with two crackers
In the beginning, the earth was void and without form, darkness was on the face of the deep, but after twenty-four hours somebody got the lights working.
“I think that bloody darkness is coming b—”
***
King Tron settled his crown straight, frowning at the ladder in his tights and sent his squire for a bottle of nail varnish.
The battle was won, but King Tron frowned at the menacing darkness that still hung on the horizon, and the ladder that had started up the other leg of his tights.
Allie in next with a horror (in my humble opinion) story
The day started out exactly as the day had before and the day before that. Nancy sighed as she looked out her bedroom window. The story of her life lacked a hook.
“Good morning Nancy,” her mother called from the hall. “It’s another perfect day in paradise!”
Oh yes, perfect, Nancy thought with a snort. If by perfect, you meant nothing ever happened and everyone was content.
“You are going to sleep the day away,” Nancy heard her mom shout as Nancy pulled the covers back over her head.
The day ended exactly as the day had before and the day before that.
Lori in next with this foxy number
A dark, stormy day proceeding the hunt, wagging tails, beating hooves thundering the ground, the readying of guns.
who outfoxed who?
Anne up next with her first entry to writespiration, and what an entry!
Little Mrs Grandison, who was always known as such to distinguish her from big Mrs Grandison who wasn’t really that big, but always wore her hair in a beehive which was a very popular style then, crossed the Church behind a huge bouquet that dropped petals, leaves and water over her feet.
Little Mrs Grandison tucked the secateurs into the font where, what with dropping numbers and so few baptisms no one would find them for an eon or two, and crossed herself before the altar in a defiant gesture that spoke more of ticking all the boxes than of religious observance before she left by the side entrance as it was furthest from that gruesome sight under its old-fashioned beehive.
Mike M in next another newbie to writespiration with this…. umm…. random assortment of lines! Also Mike went to town on his blog with these, some are genius, check them out here.
My mind raced like a speeding NASCAR driver rocketing down the road turning unsuspecting animals into gooey road pizza.
And as I wrote “c=sin1” on question 50 of the exam, I looked back and felt supremely confident that the only question I answered on the test was correct. Maybe.
Charli in next with this hilarious entry
Once upon a time I wished upon an alien star to give my blogger bestie beastly inspirations, you know, like reptilian googly-eyed characters or maybe hot-mama androgynous Viking Argonauts to the cosmos, but I never dreamed in a million years it would bring me dark and stormy nights.
Now I’m terrified to go to church or trust the government because aliens are real and aliens live in Idaho and screw it all, I thought I only had to worry about grizzlies.
Next, Sarah, with a disgustingly positive entry!
First Line:
The waiting room smelled like cheap air freshener, fake rose and sickly sweet vanilla, mixed with the lingering scent of hopelessness as Tiffany and Pierce sat separated by loathing and distrust on a blue, faded couch.
Last Line:
And, as they walked home, holding hands, they knew they would be one of the lucky couples people envy as they gaze at each other over their half-full glasses of white zinfandel.
Helen’s made me laugh out loud…
It was a dark and stormy knight who rode in on a white horse to delicately scoop her up like ice cream onto a cone, skirts a fluttering as they rode into the sunrise.
‘I never liked ice cream anyway,’ he said, closing his visor with a snap as he rode stormily into the sunset, skirts still fluttering, leaving her there alone, or should I say, a cone.
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L.o.L!!!! Great imaginations and some cracking entries there. I think I might be able to dredge something up for this one… havent partaken for a while.
I know right! Some of them made me laugh out loud! Ooh, an honour Madame Isaac an honour!
Haha! Well I will try. I read it and immediately got a vision of a moon stifled by dark clouds… worth investigating!
Oooooh. Now that is interesting…… What an image so moody ?
If Ali writes something for you I shall be soooo jealous! Some very funny (awful) lines among that lot. If only there were prizes for bad books, we would probably win them all.
Hahaha prizes for bad books. You should copyright that!
Jealous? Has she not been poeming? To be fair, I think I’ve got away with it but I’ve been cheating and not participating in my own challenges for a few weeks. I need to change that before I get caught!
I wasn’t going to mention it, but I almost left a comment last time that your post seemed to end before you actually got round to adding your story.
I know I know. It’s because I’ve been editing. I can’t seem to keep up with editing the novels if I do 3 full posts a week but I’m loathe to drop to 2. I’ll join in next week for sure.
We’ll be keeping an eye on you…
*gulp* do I get a little more rope if I tell you I am going to submit my first query soon?
No. Writing is good practice, even for writing query letters which I do not envy you one bit.
Oh. Damn! Ok. More writing then! ?
I still owe you an extension on the drowning story. Ergh.
Yeah, I know, I figure my house needs new wall paper so might as well start doing it letter by letter!
That’s the great thing about e-queries—you can put them in a tiny file that you don’t ever have to open again.
That’s true! Didn’t think of it like that. ?
Brilliant as usual…nothing’s broke, so doesn’t need fixing…seriously.
Aww shucks, thank you <3
Reblogged this on Anita Dawes & Jaye Marie.
thank you for sharing, as always it is hugely appreciated
seriously, brilliant as usual. Nothing’s broke, so don’t go fixing anything…
hope you doing okay now Sacha. I hated surgery too, the putting me out thing, apparently I asked what my Mam, deceased for some time, was doing going into the cleaners cupboard.
wow, that is a bizarre thing to ask, but hey, we do do crazy things on those drugs! took me like 3 days to come back round properly!
Ha ha, enjoyed these – such fun 🙂
And I’m with you on the surgery thing – it’s the worst part, those last few seconds before they send you under. It’s such a leap of faith. I had big surgery last year and I remember waking up and being in terrible pain, but at the same time huge relief that I had made it through to the other side.
Blackouts – hmmm. Now I’m thinking…
isn’t it just? Ugh, I was so freaking anxious. I still hate the thought of being put under. I hope that is the last time it ever happens. I remember you mentioning you had surgery. Hope you are all fighting fit now?
black outs….. surely you can squeeze a little silver and black?!
I am fighting fit now, except for this bloody flu 🙂 I hope you’re fully recovered as well. I can never understand people who have surgery voluntarily (ie plastic) – it’s such a full-on thing to do to yourself. I’m hoping I’m done with surgery now.
And yes, I was thinking of a bit of Silver and Black for the blackout bit, but I need to write it so I don’t give too much away – will see what I can do 😉
Ah man, there is seriously SO much flu about at the minute. Half my works been taken out!
Haha I know, although there’s a fair bit of surgery I’d have in principle u could just never get me through the anaesthetic! Ooh squeal yaaaay to black and silver
Plus it’s quite traumatic to the body, more than perhaps we think because our medical care is so good. But yes, it’s that step into the dark that is the most confronting!
Sorry silver and black!
It’s there – did it come through okay?
Think so, but the comments have dropped out my phone feed so will check my comp later ????
Comments are all over the place recently! I kept losing segments of them last week.
Okay, a snippet of Silver and Black, just for your Blackout challenge 🙂
Fear. It thrums through me, cold as Kyle’s kisses, hot as his touch. I can’t see a thing, but I can hear everything. No matter how I curl myself into a ball, hair hanging forward over my ears, it can’t block out the sounds.
I don’t need super hearing to know what they are doing. I can hear Jessie’s moans becoming more rhythmic, rustles and creaking from the bed. I squeeze my eyes shut, hot tears under my scrunched eyelids.
Asshole. Assholes.
Then I hear a sort of snapping sound, and Jessie gasps, high pitched. Is he…? Would he actually dare, while I’m right f*cking here? The pain in me twists and I gasp too, as though the breath has been punched from me.
He is turning her.
I can hear lapping noises, her moans muffled as she sucks from him, the choked groans he makes. I start to cry, then. Remembering.
This betrayal feels the worst of all. I cry for my mother, that I’ll never see her again. For my father, even his distant love. For the disappointment that I am, weak, easily led, endangering them all. For the fact that I’m going to die here, alone.
WHAT????????? WHAT?????????? Are you joking me?????? You’re ending it there? I hate you. No. I love you, because I love this story. BUT SERIOUSLY………… SO UNFAIR *sobs* PLEASE hurry and write this.
Oh I love that you love it 🙂 and I couldn’t write any more because you said 200 words, plus I don’t want to give away any spoilers. But rest assured, it’s my Nano novel for next minth
It bloody wants to be! I don’t know how many more teasers I can bear!! I don’t just love the story. I adore it. I cannnnnnnot wait to have it in full. Haha, 200 words….. when have I ever followed my own rules! :p
😀 I know, but I couldn’t give any more away, really I couldn’t. No more teasers, I won’t torture you any more. Plus I’m still working out some of the plot too…
lol, ok ok. But… *whimpers* :p
I promise you can have it as soon as it’s written 🙂
YAY 😀 <3
*month. Hopefully I’ll have a good chunk done to share with you by months end 🙂
These were hilarious!
I had an op about ten years or so back, and the first thing I said about the general anaesthetic when I came to was “where was the countdown?”… I felt so cheated! I need another op on Friday, under GA. Maybe I’ll force the issue, and just count down relentlessly whenever they’re fiddling around. That counts, right?
Hahaha Erm, sure I mean yeah that counts! Good luck with the op hope it’s nothing serious
Thanks… Hopefully not 🙂
Wishing you a speedy recovery
Thanks Sacha… if anything, it will probably mean I spend even MORE time online. Just plug me into the matrix already!
Haha! Like me when I was off!
🙂
I wasn’t expecting a countdown. They gave me some drug to put me to sleep before I was given the anesthetic, didn’t understand the logic, but never mind. Just be thankful that anesthetic exists!
Here’s my black out story.
https://janedougherty.wordpress.com/2016/03/16/microfiction-behemoth-ii/
Ha! i know right, don’t think I’d have been too impressed watching them take a drill to my face to be fair!
Errrrkkk!!! What were you having done? I never imagine people’s faces being operated on.
Bone removed from inside my nose and my sinuses drilled in order to open them – basically had chronic sinusitis because my nose wouldn’t drain properly. Wasn’t fun!
I’m glad I had breakfast a while ago… Poor you. Hope you can breath properly now.
Lol, yeah sorry about that! ?? but I can at last, breathe! Got a proper head rush the first time my nose cleared!
Time to go to the seaside and get those tubes properly cleared out 🙂
I had a surgery last year too and it was the same. I watched them waddling and around me, putting that needle in and the stuff already started flowing. The doctor said it might be a little cold. I waited for the countdown too but when I woke up I realized … there was none… lol!
HA!! so the countdown must be a mythical creature from movies!!
I think so… lol!!!
Nope, the count down is not a myth. The first surgery, there was a count down. The second surgery, no count down. Both I refused the oxygen masks, so they had to put them on after I passed out. I don’t like the waking up feeling. I felt so woozy and the dry mouth is not a nice feeling either. They gave me graham crackers. Graham CRACKERS! I didn’t have saliva, how am I going to get those crackers down my throat? SMH. Happy you doing better, and back to blogging.
Ah HA!!!!! someone who has had the count down! oMG Crackers???? seriously?! How on Earth did they expect you to eat those? I drank 2 litres in the hospital just in the afternoon my mouth was THAT persistently dry!
They gave me some hot black tea to wash down the crackers, but I felt nauseous, so I just drank the tea. My first attempt to hold my cup was disastrous… lol. I spilled my tea in the bed tray. It seemed to happen in slow motion. Either that or my hand was moving at warped speed when my fingers tried to grasp the handle. My feeble voice whispered, “I spilled my tea.” My heavy head lulled on my spaghetti neck like a drunk duck. Not a nice feeling at all. Smh. 🙂
Ah ok, glad they weren’t expecting you to just crunch down dry crackers with a dry mouth! Glad you are all better now anyway.
Bert Hammond knew his job important. Without him Jerry would bring a fiery hell on his corner of East London. Everyone else thought Bert a pain and regretted leaving him to obtain the job as air raid warning. The nicest that was said about Bert was that he was officious. Bert was mostly oblivious to these mutterings. To anyone who asked he pointed to the regulations. Blackouts had to be rigorously enforced.
However a section of the community refused to comply with his encouragement to seal their curtains. Nightly Bert had to identify these egregious non compliances and then report them to the constabulary. The self same local constabulary felt about Bert what most citizens felt about tax collectors – necessary evils. Reluctantly they waited on Bert’s inevitable nightly calls and each time dispatched a Constable.
The citizens complained. A spate of burglaries irritated them more that the slight risk that a sliver of light might attract the Luftwaffe. But Bert occupied the moral high ground and every time someone complained about the lack of police support Bert cited the war effort.
People accepted they couldn’t win. Unlike Bert whose family burglary business was morally darker than even the thickest curtain.
hahaha Geoff. OMG. The ending!!!!! Fucking brilliant! This one is genius. Did not see that twist coming.
ta – bit silly really; I’ve been watching too much Dad’s Army.
I did wonder if anyone would go down the war route.
Takes an old fogey…
Hysterical entries, Sacha. Loved them all. Ha ha
hehe glad you liked them 😀 I had a giggle too!
Thanks for mentioning the comp 🙂 Loved all the beginnings and endings…well, that’s not strictly true as they were so awful 😉
No probs 🙂 happy to help promo however I can 😀
It’s greatly appreciated 🙂
“No count down. Nothing. If I hadn’t been off my face on morphine I’d have made them do it again just so I got the countdown.” hahahahahaha, I can totally relate. I had my wisdom teeth taken out years ago, and just the same, I was out before I knew what was going on. Totally expected the counting back from 10…but nope. It was a total bummer. Waking up saying “I’m Jim Carey.” is freaking hilarious. Glad all went well.
hehe, glad I made you laugh! If you can’t take the mick out yourself theres no hope! It made me laugh too when my partner informed me of the ridiculousness I had spewed out! Glad I’m not the only one to be pissed about the distinct LACK of countdown.
Sacha, I do not like anesthesia. I have had more surgeries without being put to sleep than I have slept through. Although during surgery, I usually talk to whoever is closest to me until my doc says to knock it off.
You have had surgeries AWAKE????????????? How is that possible? I thought you HAD to be asleep?
They can give you a local or an epidural depending on the type of surgery you are having. Sometimes you have no choice though and they have to put you asleep.
Ah ok like when you have a c section I guess
Exactly.
I think you’re so brave not sure I could handle being awake :s
It’s not for everyone. You have to do whatever you are most comfortable with.
Glad you’re back to the old Sach we all know and love. I could tell you stories to make your hair curl (if it’s not already). Suffice it to say, when I had open heart surgery for a tumor on my heart 8 years ago, they wheeled me in DRUG FREE. I got to see way too much ie: instruments, heart lung machine, and saw. I begged to put me out before I died of a heart attack. All I remembered was count backwards from 10. I said 9 and that was it. I was grateful for that tender mercy. 🙂 xo
Haha actually my hair is well curly ? but I’d take a few more for the sake of the stories ?. I walked into my operating room too! But mine looked nothing more than a consulting room! I was a bit like – is this it?!
Gosh can’t believe you had surgery on your heart. You’re so brave. Thank god you’re ok now. I don’t think I’d have appreciated seeing instruments either. Like the drill they took to my face!
What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. If I were any stronger, I’d be lifting a house, LOL. xo
Haha!
The countdown is real. I had to count down when my wisdom teeth were removed and at some point the numbers in my head turned to colors.
Storytime
The zip line stretched out across the field. The kids from down the street watched from the safety of the earth as I grasped the handle in my sweaty palms. No turning back now, I told myself. I had been just a little kid when I volunteered to take a turn. Climbing back down would be admitting the truth in the names they’d called me when they thought I couldn’t hear. I bit my lip as I jumped from the platform.
The rollers on the line whirled as trees on the other side of the field rapidly filled my vision. Then my hand slipped from the grip and I was falling. The ground met my back first, slapping the air out of my body as my vision went black. When the light returned the faces of the other kids surrounded me. One of the eldest extended her hand. “I can’t believe you did that. I chickened out three times before you guys got here. Are you okay?”
I took a deep breath enjoying the sensation of my lungs returning to normal function. “That was awesome! Again!”
This time instead of falling, I flew, and while I might still be the little kid from down the street, I knew those other names would never again catch me.
Ahhhhh Allie, I love a feel good story, even if he had to half kill himself to get his happy ending. This one made me smile 😀 <3
After the last couple horrors I thought it was due
Well I LOVED it. Hows that marathon going? still diverted?
Had a major breakthrough, thank goodness. I decided that I was tired of all my characters talking and if they weren’t going to go out to battle my baddy, well then my baddy will come to them. Outline be damned
oooooh. I love it when that happens. Bravo. Glad its working out 😀 <3
I agree with you about anesthetics and surgery. I’ve had a few goes myself in the last year or two. It is quite a worry. Who knows? You could wake up dead, and I’m not convinced that would be fun. Not yet, anyway. The stories in response to your inspiration are hilarious! Well done for drawing them out.
Thanks Norah? didn’t know you had had surgery hope you’re fighting fit now. Glad you enjoyed the stories ?
Thanks Sacha. All good. Keep the stories coming! 🙂
I enjoyed reading some of those entries this week Sacha, so funny! I do hope you are recovering well from your surgery. Looking forward to having a go at this week’s challenge 🙂
I’m all back to normal just a bit snowed under. Hope the book launch is going well ?
Glad you are ok now. Yes, it is going so well. I have been very lucky with having had so much support 🙂
These. Are. Awesome. I mean, you have to give props to the awfulness of these lines! Nice! I love writing badly for writing exercise.
Anyhoo…
Yes, I laughed at you. No, I don’t feel badly about it. Yes, I know EXACTLY how you felt so I should feel badly. *goes back to beginning of this weird cyclic comment*
I hate, hate, hate going under for surgery. I am beyond terrified and just KNOW I’m not going to wake up. It’s quite ridiculous but I can’t help it. So happy you’re alive. 😀 (No, really, I’m glad you’re doing well.) <3
lol, it was so much fun reading them! you’re on fire Brentyn, you’re hilarious. But thank you. Glad we’re both alive, plus Spring. Yay.
Thanks for the inspiration. ? Happy spring!
Glad you’re recovering well from your surgery Sacha!
The entries were brilliant!
I had a go at your prompt this week too!
https://butismileanyway.wordpress.com/2016/03/19/writespiration-83-blackout/
Here you go. Based on a true story that Ali is dying to hear about.
http://hughsviewsandnews.com/2016/03/20/blackout/
Hope you’re feeling a lot better now.
ooh, squeal, thanks Hugh. Will read this tomorrow night when I schedule up weds challenge. Having some formatting issues tonight with tomorrow’s post. Sigh.
Oh dear. Good luck with it. I hope you get to bed by 3am. ?
JUST managed to fix it. god only knows what was wrong. I nearly chucked my laptop across the room though it got me that cross!
Before I went under I has a lovely kiss from hubby. When I woke up I didn’t cause no trouble but the guy in the bed next to me was very aggressive. Funny how it has differing effects from person to person.
It really is. Atlas was busy charming everyone when he woke up after having teeth out!!