Category Archives: Weddings

Writespiration #36

#36

Write a story, a few words, a sentence, a poem, anything you like, post below and I will post it with next weeks Writespiration.

Here’s mine: Continue reading

Some People are Gay, Get OVER It.

A friend was telling me about their theory, there wont be equality for everyone fitting into a protected characteristic (like LGBT, mental health etc etc) until there is equality for women. Interesting. I have to say I kind of agree.

I mean the Church of England won’t even allowed women bishops for goodness sake, why are LGBT people expecting gay marriage to be allowed in churches? Of course I think they should be allowed, but I am just saying we don’t stand a hope in hell, when the CofE can’t even sort out a simple vote to have women bishops.

 

The UK government recently held a consultation on whether or not they should allowed gay marriages, and with a staggering 228,000 responses, it seems likely that the government is going to legalise gay marriage, at least civil marriage anyway.

The BBC’s report is here. I blogged a few times about the CofE’s ridiculous response to the consultation too: here, here, here and here.

What gets me now, and I am going to try HARD not to rant about this:

1. Apparently I can’t divorce my wife for cheating on me unless she cheats with a man. The rage I feel brewing about this, is ridiculous, I am once again turning green with a Hulk like rage. It annoys me that I even have to justify this. OF COURSE it’s cheating if she slept with another women. HOW DARE the government try and tell me it isn’t cheating. I tell you what cameron, how about I give ol’ Sammy Cameron a good poking, and then you see how you feel about it, and when she’s had the best night of her life, then come and tell me you don’t feel cheated on. Prick.

2. They are going to make it opt in for churches? I mean reaaally? This is not going to help religious LGBT people get the weddings they want. Personally I couldn’t give two shits if the churches don’t want us marrying in their ‘sacred’ grounds, I am not religious in the slightest. But I am not naive enough to think that there are no religious LGBT people. Therefore, being the egalitarian that I am I think that churches should be made (eventually) to conduct religious same-sex marriages.

Churches spout the reason that same sex marriages should not be allowed is because marriage is to enable children. WELL I got news for you god botherers, science has enabled something called sperm donation,  IVF, and surrogacy, so single women, gay and lesbian couples, and even single men can still have children. You might wana read the news sometimes. Oh and if you try and tell me that lesbians can’t parent or whatever, then how about bring some hard facts to back up your argument, otherwise, keep your bigoted opinions to yourself. I got more news for you, studies such as this one (and there are several others saying the same thing) state that not only do lesbian families rock, they smash straight families… BOOM. How do you like them apples ‘father.’

Also, whilst I am ranting, what REALLY pisses me off, is when Christians, pick and choose what aspects of the bible they want to follow:

your not supposed to wear mixed clothes

or eat shellfish

If your husband dies you marry his brother

If your wife isn’t a virgin when you marry her she gets killed.

 

Or do you not fancy following those rules? Just the ones that make you homophobic bigots?

 

3. THE EQUALITIES minister, has made 4 loop holes to prevent people going to the court of human rights, the worst of which is that they will make it legally binding that:

It is NOT discrimination to refuse to marry a same sex couple.

Words fail me at this point. I have nothing polite or clean to say about this. Seriously Maria Miller have you been puffing on the crack pipe again?

#idiot.

Friday Fails…

Everything anyone has ever said about weddings is true. Especially the come down.

I genuinely had the worst case of man flu that has ever existed….True story!!

I felt particularly sorry for myself, but I have now sucked it up, manned up,  and I am well on the road to recovery.

That is, except for the extreme exhaustion I am still feeling. This is a whole other level of exhaustion, it’s some kind of nasty life sucking, energy draining beast.

I can’t even think clearly, I am desperate to blog properly again, but I can barely drag… and I do mean drag myself out of bed, let alone blog. Whatismore, for medical reasons I am having to withdraw from caffeine…

This has led me to do a really good impression of death warmed up right now, I am also throwing in a pinch of the lights are on but no ones home just for good measure. I am not functioning. I don’t understand sentences, I cant text and this blog will ruin me for at least a few days!! 😛

Basically I am so tired I am totally incapable of doing anything… Apparently I am not young enough to do a typical Sacha and burn the candle at both ends and in the middle, and get away with it. I am paying a steep price… I look like the kid in the picture!!

 

Today was an epic failure, but Friday was so so much worst.

Friday…

Actually Thursday night…. We went for dinner with some friends and the usual Gran Canaria pride chat  came up again. After much discussion it was decided that like this year we would all go.

This year was epic, there was a group of about 10-15 of us that went, and it was genuinely one of the best weeks of my life. Anyway. I go to book the hotel, pay for it, and then realise I have booked the wrong dates. Fuck.

I ring the hotel in Gran Canaria, try to have a Spanglish type conversation and establish that its too early and I need to ring the travel company and sort it with them. Which I do and just about get it sorted after some serious fannying about on their behalf.

So I search for flights but can only find flights for the furthest airport away from us. ugh. But decide that I would rather book early than wait for the price to go up just so I can get a closer airport.

I book the flights, and go to bed happy.

Friday morning…

I wake up seriously bleary eyed and had to forcibly rip myself from my cosy warm bed and into the shower. Whilst I am showering I realise that I feel like something is wrong with the booking.

I pick up my mac and open the receipt page for the booking, everything looks fine. I open up the web page to manage my booking and to my horror, they have messed up my surname… (we have double barrelled btw). So I am particularly irritated at this point already seeing as I fucked up booking the hotel. I ring the stupidly expensive phone line and get half way through sorting the problem and the phone gets cut off.

RAGE.

It is at this point that I look back at the web page and utter horror washes over me, as I look at the dates.

I booked the wrong fucking dates.

How did I do that?

HOW CAN I DO THAT????…. twice?? for gods sake.

I go back to the search page just to make sure I am not going insane and I did actually search for the right dates its just the piece of shit web companies mistake for showing the wrong flights… and possibly mine for not double checking. *cough*

At this point, I am having to really suppress Hulk back down. I am also  late for work, have no caffeine, no breakfast and I need to ring the company to sort this out.

I get on the phone to one of them and they tell me to ring the airline direct.

More rage.

The airline tells me thats no problem they will change the dates and my name and wipe the admin fee… but the flights are more expensive. like £90 more expensive.

Not happy.

It is at this point I am now REALLY late for work, and I go to gather up my bag and stuff for work. I get flustered because I have had no breakfast and now cant find my wallet.

The wife rings… “Babe I just found your wallet in my car… do you need it?”

RAGE.

Of course I need it. So instead of going to work, I have to drive to her work to pick up my wallet first.

I check my diary to make sure I am not going to be late for a meeting and just my luck I have a 9:30am meeting booked in. Luckily its with someone who is ALWAYS late, or just doesnt turn up. Plus they didnt accept the meeting request, so I am pretty sure that they wont be coming.

I run into work throw my laptop on the desk and ring the guy I am meant to be meeting, who of course, today….is waiting for me in the canteen. Fuck.

So I have to run to the canteen, I get three quarters of the way there and realise I left the single most important piece of paperwork I needed in the office. At this point I am sweating and flustered. So I have to bolt back to the office rifle through a mountain of papers just to find one thing!!

When I get there. He has the smelliest, most tasty looking coffee, and I am beyond envious. withdrawal is not fun.

The last fail I managed to rack up on Friday was epic on a huge proportion.

I like to think of myself as technologically ‘with it’ I know how to use most technology without being told how, I like techy things, and generally I am very careful about which profile I use to say what.

Apparently, not when I am tired.

I managed to tweet my boss from my Sacha_black profile without realising, and inadvertently gave him access to my blog, my twitter, my rants… everything. #fml.

I just need to sleep. But my cats like to see to it that they get fed at ridiculous o clock in the morning, or let out, or in, whenever they see fit even if its at 2,3,4 or 5 am.

Even my work mate turned round to me today and said…

“mate… dont take this the wrong way… but you look like shit!!”

Great.

Sacha has a wife!!

After a short break from blogging due to the wedding of the year… cough cough, yes I do mean mine! I am finally back! Although somewhat exhausted and dishevelled.

I am now a wife, and I have a wife!! Where do I even start…

So its the morning before the wedding, I am beyond rushed off my feet and I have gotten up extra early in order to pick my dad up from the airport, after having not gone to bed until ridiculous o clock making the wedding cakes. I wake up groggy and exhausted throw clothes on in the dark, and just as I am looking for my glasses and keys my dad rings telling me he has missed his flight.

RAGE

You can imagine my frustration at this news. I had zero time that day as I had back to back jobs, appointments and errands to do. He said he was going to try and get on to another flight, but I still wouldn’t of been able to go and get him from the airport as he missed his time slot in my minute by minute schedule!!!  So I had to ring around my friends and bridesmaids and try and harass one of them into doing it! which luckily I managed to do.

The night before the wedding I went out for a meal with some of my friends and with my dad. It was nice, although its a total blur now as it much of the day itself. I woke up at  4:45am the morning of the wedding in a massive panic about table names, and then couldn’t fall back to sleep, as I started stressing about all sorts of things.

When I got to the venue at 8:30am coffee in hand feeling somewhat bleary eyed, I went to get my cakes out to set them up to realise part of the front had fallen off. I managed to persuade the venue to let me use their pastry kitchen. So at 8:30am morning of the wedding I was in the kitchen throwing icing all over the place and trying to fix my cakes. It ended up EVERYWHERE!!! all over me, all over my joggers in my rollers, literally everywhere!! Suffice to say after dragging in my bridesmaids to hold this and cover that we managed to fix them and it was all good.

(did I mention that I made these…!!! So proud of myself!!! lol)

On a serious note, if you ever get married, pay someone to do the lot!! It’s not worth the stress of doing it yourself!

Now I didnt have much money left so I wanted to do something for my future wife and give her some small present that was a romantic gesture. Not being the most romantic person in the world that was particularly hard! However, I found in a little shop a black and red zebra print heart, so I decided to buy it, wrap it and send it down with a bridesmaid (because we didnt see each other the morning of or night before the wedding) with a card that said:

Today I am giving you my heart forever, please keep it safe

Well anyway I thought it was sufficiently soppy, and I was sufficiently pleased with myself.

She wrote me the most romantic letter I have ever received it was beautiful, touching and completely unexpected, she has dyslexia and therefore avoids writing most of the time as it frustrates her. However, she spent hours pouring over this letter and it was just beautiful and brought tears to my eyes.

With the cakes and sweet table complete:

My jobs for the morning were done and I could go and get ready. Which I did, and got slightly typsy as well, the wife (love saying that now!) sent up a glass of rose, and my mum had brought some seriously expensive champaign and strawberries.

In true british style it then went from glorious sun shine to pouring down with rain and so I got seriously upset. Control freak that I am everything was going swimingly, apart from the blasted rain. Which apparently as much as I will I still cant control. So we ended up getting married inside, which  I was disappointed about, but it made the wedding much much more intimate, so it turned out fine anyway.

Much to my surprise, because I am basically emotionless and my partner cries much much more often than me, she stayed perfectly tearless and I let out a few tears during the ceremony. I am still gobsmacked. More to the point I think I opened a flood gate, because I proceeded to cry for the following three days, my best friend emigrated to Oz so cried then, and for various other bits and bobs too!!

The ceremony was beautiful. Everything was perfect. The meal and reception were perfect.

We had so many compliments it was delightful.

 

I have now been married 10 days 🙂 and I am extremely happy, and relaxed, if not exhausted because we got married on the wednesday and went back to work on the Monday, honeymoon is later in the year. So this weekend I am trying to stay as restful as possible!!!

You know… I thought I would feel the same. In our relationship. But I dont. Somethings different, better, more secure, teamy, solid, I cant put my finger on it just yet, but I will keep trying….

 

An unusual proposal

 

I used to be the president of my Students’ Union. Definitely the best job in the world! Anyway this isn’t the point.

I had to get elected into the position, so there were 2 weeks of long elections, where you are beyond exhausted because you campaign, campaign, campaign. I think I must of only slept about 4 hours a night.

I was voted in by a huge majority, and had one of the best most productive years in a long time. So I have been told I left a bit of a legacy, that’s not for me to determine, but it was nice to hear it all the same. I was just passionate. I lived to work. Obviously this wasn’t great for the gf. She had to put up with me working all manor of ridiculous hours, put up with constant ranting; and emotional swings, where something had either gone my way, or gone seriously wrong.

We also had a few housing issues whilst we were together and I was in the Union. We lived in one room, sharing a house, so there was little privacy, a lot of arguments, fallings out, my cat being abused, we ended up moving out two months early and paying rent on two properties just to protect ourselves and the cats. Suffice to say it had been a fairly stressful year. The University, Union and town we lived in had been a bit of a legacy for us too.

So I was coming to the end of my term as president, and I couldn’t re run, so instead I decided to get involved in announcing the results of the next president and other elected officers. We were in the Students’ union pub. It was noisy and rammed full of friends, family and other students, all hoping their candidate was going to win. The atmosphere was electric, all my friends were there to support me leaving, but I had gotten all emotional trying to announce the results.

I dont do emotion, and I definitely don’t like other people seeing me emotional on the rare occasions that it does happen.

All day the gf had been saying weird things to me, and I (wrapped up in the elections) just ignored it, and brushed them off.

She was saying things like:

“Oh sweetie, I know this is hard for you, it’s the end of an era.”

“Sach, we can move on, start a fresh.”

“Babe, this is the start of a whole new part of our lives.”

etc etc. If I hadn’t been so wrapped up in the union, and admittedly my own ‘end of an era’ I might have thought something was up. But as it was, I didn’t, I just thought she was trying to be supportive , if a little odd!!

Anyway, I was all flustered and upset once the results were announced and I hung around for a little while to say congratulations to the successful candidates. Particularly because one of them (the one who won president, was the mutual friend of ours that had dragged me out the night I me the gf).

Anyway I started to get upset again. So I said to the gf I was going to go home, but she should stay because of our mutual friend. When I said I was going home. I was only going to get changed and have a word with myself so that I calmed down and sorted myself out. I had intended to come back out. All and I do mean ALL, my friends and the gf’s friends were trying to persuade me to stay out, and some a little too forcefully, which I also thought was odd. Apparently I am stubborn!! and so I was like “thanks guys, but no, I am going home”

I asked one of my friends to walk me to my car, they gave me a hug because I had tears flooding down my face. I couldn’t really see, for all the tears had clouded my eye sight. But I had a funny sensation that someone was following me.

We reached the car park, and my friend suddenly disappeared like a shot as I was fumbling for my keys. I turned round to look for where they had gone and the gf was bent down on one knee holding a ring out. I saw a flash of colour in the corner of the car park, but my eyes were still too foggy to see clearly, especially as I didn’t have my glasses on.

“It wasn’t meant to be like this…. but baby will you marry me?”

Well obviously I just cried harder at this point!!

“Y, y, y, yes” I stuttered out, half crying, half giggling. As a huge crowd cheered and 40 people ran out from the corner of the car park. All our friends had been hiding watching her propose to me. (Which I later find out, was meant to be in the middle of the Students’ Union pub!)

I wore a ring on that finger anyway a ‘commitment ring’ which we both had. The gf  pointed out, that in order to get the engagement ring on, I needed to remove the other one. This just made me giggle more. I took it off and pushed on the engagement ring, and bent down to get her up off the floor and give her a massive kiss. Everyone just cheered louder at this point.

I guess now I see why she kept dropping comments in about it being the start of a new phase, the end of an era.

Although I joke, about how ridiculous it was to be proposed to in a car park, the sentiment was there, and I think it’s kind of romantic really. Especially when so much of our life had revolved around the union.

This was a year and a half ago, and now we are just over a month away to the big day… eek.

My lesbian love story…

With a little over 5 weeks until the big day, (wedding day) I thought you might like to hear how I met my future wife

In true Sacha style, not only was my proposal unique (that’s a story for another day), so was the way I met my beautiful partner.

As if fate had always intended, not only did I live on the same street as my future girlfriend, we had mutual friends, and I worked in the pub she drank in.

I must have served her a million times before we met, and for some reason we had never noticed each other.

That’s a good thing because we were both in relationships.

About three and a half years ago on exactly the same day, fate struck again. We both became single, under different circumstances but it happened on exactly the same day. Both having been in substantial relationships neither of us were particularly fussed about meeting someone.

Exactly six days later….

I was at work, had been in the kitchen of my student bar so stank of chip fat and grease, but a mutual friend of ours persuaded me to grab my spare t shirt and head to the club. So off I went with my stinky work combat pants and spare t shirt, no make up and no hair done, generally looking a state, and slide up to the bar to cue for a pint. At this point my future girlfriend apparently spotted me with our mutual friend at the bar (I was oblivious at this point) so she decided to grab my attention.

She trotted up to the bar and barged passed me shunting me to the side as she whispered in our mutual friends ear. Furious I turned round ready to scruff this random rude girl up. I looked at her, and melted instantly. She was genuinely the most beautiful women I had ever seen. I felt sick with butterflies.

She went back to wherever she came from and I grabbed our mutual friend gasping “who’s your friend? Tell me she’s gay and tell me she’s single??”

The mutual friend groaned and said she is, but only recently I wouldn’t go there if I were you.

Too late.

I was hook line and sinker for this gorgeous women.

I made our mutual friend introduce me, and we stood chatting, I was barely able to make conversation I was so hideously full of butterflies and adrenaline.

There was at this point another girl, who was obsessively chasing me and I had absolutely no interest in her. I told the future girlfriend this and she said, bold as brass in front of me “well why don’t you let me kiss you in front of her, and she might go away…?” she said grinning at me with her cute white teeth and mesmerising smile.

I about threw up there and then, and felt my legs want to give way. I giggled completely unable to utter a response, and wished beyond anything that she would just kiss me, and ravish me right there in the club. I wanted her. BAD.

We spent the rest of the night chatting and talking, she had me wrapped around her little finger instantly, and I was captivated by every syllable she said. Four of us went back to my house for a while and then we walked everyone back down our road a few houses and into her house. We chatted until the early hours of the morning. It must have been about 4 or 5am and I started to shiver  her house was not the warmest, so she went to get me a duvet. The four of us carried on chatting and I sat on the sofa next to her as she laid the duvet over us. Our mutual friend sat on the other side.

Whilst we carried on chatting she put her hands under the duvet, and edged it closer to mine. I could feel the warmth from her hand getting closer to mine and it made my stomach churn.

Our little fingers connected, and I could feel the electricity between us. We held hands under the duvet till the light came up. I said good night we her number in my phone, and walked home with a grin I couldn’t remove.

We spoke all week and met up a few days later. A week after we met, on my birthday, all our friend were out, it was a london underground party and I was dressed as ‘Angel’ a slower song was being played by the Dj and we sidled up to each other dancing slowly arms locked around her neck. She looked into my eyes and her soft lips touched mine. It was the most delicious kiss I have ever had, and all our friends cheered whilst they danced around us!

That was three and a half years ago. Now, in 5 weeks time, she will be my wife.

I will tell you how she proposed next time!

 

NOTE: This is not actually us!!

THIS IS NOT US!!!!!

Sacha's Delirium

 

Exhaustion, and Deliria are finally setting in.

I have 4 to do lists going, Home, Work, Wedding and Urgent! Alongside my 11 wedding spreadsheets… Is that overkill??

Probably, me thinks!

Anyway,

Long gone are the times when I could finish things in advanced, turn up to meetings or events early, remember conversations…

In fact remember anything.

I was at work today in some kind of half delirious barely conscious state and I could see people talking at me, I was staring, watching their mouths move up and down, gesturing wildly at me, and I had absolutely no idea what they were saying, its like i’d pressed mute on the TV, or temporarily gone deaf.

My mother rang me to ask me something about the wedding, and she swears she was asking me something simple, and I thought she was genuinely speaking swahili. She had to explain it 6 times to me!!

My brain is so full there is LITERALLY no room for any more information. You try and add something in, something else falls out my ear, or nose to make room.

My dear friend is helping me with all the girlie stuff for the wedding as I am not very girlie, and todays topic of choice was nails.

Well I about nearly had a coronary right there.

She bombarded me with more choices than I’ve had hot meals in the last month. Seriously, HOW are there that many options for having your nails done? She sat there after having given me a list as long as my arm, I felt like I was being beaten up with girliness!! The words were wafting through the air and buzzing around my already mush filled useless brain. There were so many options, I had to stop her in her tracks and tell her to make an executive decision on my behalf, I can’t cope!!

As if I don’t have enough to contend with, I realised today that my current assignment is due in in a little over two weeks, what is more, my dissertation proposal is due in 4 days after the wedding. It was right around this point, driving home from a not particularly nice, very hot and stuffy, long day at work, that I lost it.

I broke down into a fit of hysterical laughter, on my own in the car, I laughed so hard I cried, and ended up in a weird sobbing state of laughter, I couldn’t control it. I don’t really know if I was laughing for crying, I think probably both simultaneously. It lasted most of the way home.

I feel better now!

*cackle*

I think I am losing it!

 

Finally a Priest on our side

Just to point out, not all vicars are as bigoted as the Church of England is claiming.

Loving the following article which can be found here:

http://menmedia.co.uk/glossopadvertiser/news/s/1581312_vicar-starts-petition-over-outrageous-claims-by-church-of-england

In which a vicar has lashed out at his own Church for its comments and response to the consultation. The vicar said that the Churches comments incited a “breeding ground for homophobia

The vicar has even gone as far as to start a petition in protest of the Church of England’s comments.

Last church vs homosexuality post I promise… well at least till the consultation results are out anyway!