Just a quick one… photo of the bump this week….
According to all the polite people out there, this bump makes me a whale and massive!!… I still think Im pretty averagely sized…
I am finally posting on time – I am half way to getting a post right – alas theres no photo this time – I will do that later in the week!
I have been meaning to write this post for a week or so but I just haven’t had the time – despite meaning to rest – every day after work and all my weekends seem to be booked – I don’t know how that happened…. and I still have lots of friends who I haven’t booked in to see before the birth. :s
I had my 31 week appointment and I don’t really know if I was surprised or not. But he is Breech – I was Breech until a couple of weeks before I was born and then I decided to casually turn my mother into a washing machine and flip head down ready and raring to go. So in some senses I kind of expected to be told that he was Breech – but I was also quite surprised because at the previous appointment – the midwife told me he was head down. I think she got it wrong because I haven’t felt him flip head up so I figure he was always head up and she was just wrong.
Now the thing that bothers me is that for me – I want as natural birth as possible – I have always said that from the start – I want a pool birth – I know ‘saying’ that is about as good as wishing upon a star once upon a time and all that bollocks – because once you go into labour anything – ANYTHING – can happen and you don’t know your own pain thresholds and stuff, but that is what I have been working towards – I took breathing classes and relaxation classes and all this kind of stuff in order to be able to work towards a natural birth… So.
31 week midwife appointment:
Midwife: “your babies Breech at the moment.”
Me: “ummm, ok – what does that mean for a natural birth?”
Midwife: “well, if he hasn’t flipped head down by your 36 week appointment, then we will send you for a scan at the hospital – that will tell us what sort of Breech he is. If his legs are down then you will have to have a C section, if his legs are up then you can attempt a natural birth but you won’t be allowed a pool birth I’m afraid. Also – when you have the scan in all likelihood – they will ask you to be admitted at some point after the scan and they will put you on a drip full of muscle relaxant and attempt to manipulate your stomach into pushing him head down.”
It was at this point I wanted to cry, I could feel my bottom lip quivering and tears burning the back of my eyes as I struggled to maintain some level of stiff British upper lip.
Me: “oh, ok, thank you.”
Midwife: “have you got any more questions?”
Me: ” no……(deep swallow) not at the minute….. well I guess do you have any positions or exercises I can do to help?”
So – after intensive research I have been spending inordinate amounts of time upside down, and dancing about on the birth ball – swimming and underwater hand stands this weekend… :s… I shit you not! – watch the you tube videos!!
I had some sad news this week – my friends first IVF cycle failed, my heart really went out to her, I am gutted for her – I could feel the familiar burning pain that engulfs your whole being when a cycle fails. She doesn’t know I blog, but I am thinking of you all the same… I hope you have the strength to do another cycle. xx
31 weeks and 4 days.
Today I nearly lost my rag. So this I fear, will be a Rant of epic proportions.
I like to think that I am a women of patience, a women who rarely explodes and maintains a calm aurar. But after 31 and a half weeks of pregnancy I about lost the plot today. Biting my tongue is an understatement.
In this society we have an obsession with weight and beauty – shop stands are littered with magazines of size zero women, women who are ‘too curvy’ ‘not curvy enough’ ‘hips too wide, not wide enough’ ‘boobs too small, too big’ blah blah and everything in between. This is the pressure society puts on women who aren’t pregnant… Comments like this push teenagers to fast, binge and become anorexic or bulimic. The marketing and imagery pushed into mainstream media causes teenagers and young adults to have seriously damaged mindsets and views of their self image and body.
But when it comes to pregnancy, there seems to be this whole other level of opinion and views that general ‘people’ in society want to give and have over you.
‘People’ seem to think that its ok to pass open judgement and comments on your figure and size whilst your pregnant.
‘Oh your massive’
‘what do you mean you STILL have 8 weeks to go? Oh my god your going to be huge’
‘oh your tiny’
‘what a neat little bump you have’
‘god your going to have an enormous baby aren’t you’
After 31 weeks of this bullshit, I am really genuinely sick and fucking tired of people making comments about my size. What the fuck makes people think they have the right to pass such openly RUDE judgement on my size and shape. Why is it ok for them to tell me I’m ‘huge’ or ‘tiny’ or anything in between JUST because I’m pregnant. You wouldn’t turn around to a young women and tell her she was massive or tiny, or anything – you don’t say it, so seriously now what is it about being pregnant that makes people think they have the right to say whatever the fuck comes into their head?
The detrimental effect it is having on my mindset is horrendous – I had a poor self image before I was pregnant and was most concerned about how I was going to look and the awful stretch marks that would appear and whether or not I would feel fat and could I get rid of the weight after and blah blah blah. But I get a daily onslaught of judgements and comments from the general public or people in lifts in corridors and it is exhausting. I am tired of having to listen to what other people think about my size and weight and shape. I am struggling to maintain my sanity and sane perspective on the fact that I AM pregnant, which means I will have a bump and a few stretch marks and it will take time to lose the weight but lots of other women do it, so I can too, but I cannot place ‘societies’ expectations on myself – I will lose the weight as and when I lose it, and its fine, its ok.
I know that every women who has ever been pregnant will have experienced this – so I am wondering what witty quips you all came up with to counter those rude and ignorant arseholes out there….??
I cannot believe I have hit 30 weeks. I really do not know where the last 30 weeks have gone… Life seems to be dissolving in front of my eyes – through a haze of winter colds needing excess sleep and having a ridiculous social life; it appears I haven’t done a pregnancy blog in three weeks – ummm…. Three weeks feels like two minutes ago!
So the big THREE ZERO….
I remember thinking when I was about 6 weeks preggo that 30 weeks would be massive- I couldn’t really imagine ever getting to 30 weeks, it was too ‘serious’ an amount of weeks pregnant for me to ever picture
– it’s like the last stretch – the no going back – the “you should really pack your hospital bag – this shits going down soon-” type serious!!
But strangely here I am…. I am honestly a bit shell shocked that it happened so quickly. I still feel far too in denial to be this pregnant!!
I half heatedly tried to pack a hospital bag and have been watching ‘midwives and one born every minute’ again to try and get realistic about how gross/painful child birth is going to be!!
I have never appreciated childbirth – I am not one of those women who watches and cries when a baby is born – I squeeze my legs shut and try not to vomit!!
I sort of ended up doing a full circle – I watched so many episode that I almost cried at one and then after a few more episodes decided it really was gross and started wondering if I would throw up at the sight of my own afterbirth. I mean really – I faint every time I give blood – not because it hurts or I’m squeamish but because the tube that collects your warm blood rests on my arm and I can feel the warm liquid ooze out…. Ugh.
Honestly why are placentas so vile??? They look horrendous and WHY are they soooo massive?? I seriously hope I don’t see mine or I’m Guna blow!!
I guess having hit 30 weeks I am trying to be a bit more realistic – I booked antenatal classes which start early oct I’ve booked a breast feeding class and as I say started to pack a bag.
The exhaustion is hitting home big time…. I seem to walk around in one state of zombie or another. I’m guessing that won’t disappear for some time either!
Anyway I’m in the dentist -toothache again!!
One word today was ‘Prisoner’
Had the usual 60 seconds to write something:
He knew i’d caught him.
I could see the fear washing over his eyes. Redemption was mine and I was going to make him pay for everything he had done to my family. As I cornered him, and roped his hands behind his back he began to shake with fear, but I ignore him and dragged him towards the exit.
Think the exhaustion is catching up on me… I have had to take Friday and Monday off work so I am looking forward to the end of the week! Hopefully I will be able to update you all properly.
I need help – creative artistic help…
But first a quick update –
I’m now at 27… and something weeks…. how did that happen!? I think that puts me firmly in the third trimester?
I have no idea what has happened in all the blogs I read, so forgive me I will spend the next week catching up on everyones.
BUT I have finished my dissertation! YAY. I still can’t quite get my head around the freedom yet! I still feel like I am meant to be doing something and I am still clock watching like I am under pressure! Except I’m not!!
We had a car accident a couple of weeks ago, were all fine, there were a few hospital trips, the teeniest of ruptures which meant blood passed between me and the baby but it was soooo small no one was worried.
So, now I just waddle more than I was waddling because of the SPD!!
So I am free now, to do whatever I want… So I have created a pile of books to read the height of me! and I have got my novel back out finally after what feels like a life time… and all things creative… I have been making wallets – duct tape wallets – pics below.
and now my problem…
The Creative / Artistic Problem… HELP…
I have been collecting images and such like on Pinterest and google as inspiration for different aspects of my novel. I want to do mood/picture/inspiration boards of some variety… I feel like I need to write notes in/around them, but the other part of me thinks I should have notes and images separately… I cant really decide how to do it or what they should look like… I have 670 images that need cutting out in preparation for this, and they will make several different boards, but I would love some suggestions as to how I should do it…