A blog I posted on Queer Landia.
Why is it that so many sects of society are so clicky?? lesbians are literally the worst. How do we ever manage to date anyone new…. oh wait… we don’t… we end up sleeping with so many of our friends! (jokes)…. (mostly)
It annoys me that even lesbians pigeon hole each other… oh your a lipstick lez, oh your a vintage lez, oh your butch.
Don’t get me wrong, sometimes it’s comforting and nice to be pigeon holed, you can be proud of it, or meet similar friends etc etc.
I seemed to find myself in this odd situation where I am not really pigeon holed into any group.
Potentially a good thing; but in reality a massive problem.
When I go out now, people seem to give me odd looks. They just aren’t sure. They can’t put me in a box, I don’t quite fit a niche.
If I am in a straight bar, I don’t look straight, and therefore I don’t really get attention from men (thank god) but it almost makes people uncomfortable that they aren’t really sure ‘what i am’. I sort of look like a lesbian, I have a patch of shaved hair, and wear trousers…. but I still look too feminine. Not that lesbians can’t be feminine, but thats often the stereotype straight people have.
Thing is, when I go to gay bars, lesbians don’t really think I am gay either. They also aren’t really sure, so I don’t get attention from them either!
I feel like I am in some kind of void of ‘unidentifiable’. Now I don’t really mind, because I won’t be changing to fit in a box, and luckily I have a wonderful girlfriend so don’t need any attention anyway. But it is a little frustrating when I am proud to be gay, I don’t necessarily want people to automatically pigeon hole me, but at the same time it would be nice to feel like I ‘fit’, and not to have those awkward stares when people are trying to work me out!!
Is it just me? Does anyone else ever find this?
Along the theme of todays blog http://wp.me/p2tAaK-2S one lesbian against the Church, a friend of mine sent me this photo and I just had to add it….
For the bloggispheres amusement!
Today I am aghast that in 2012, there could be so many bigoted, fascists left in this world. I am not naive, in that I appreciate there are extremists and militant views left in the world. However, in a country with such a penchant for freedom and equal rights, how could there still be so many members of society left with such elitist, bigoted views.
I would like to point out that I do know there are many gay people who don’t want ‘gay marriage’ legalised, like the journalist Andrew Pierce: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-2158416/I-m-gay-man-opposes-gay-marriage-Does-make-ME-bigot–Mr-Cameron.html
and thats fine, but I do, and it’s my blog!
In the last couple of days the BBC news and many other stations have been debating whether or not it is ‘right’ to legalise gay marriage.
The Church of England has lashed out savagely at the government and homosexuals releasing a response to the home office consultation. See here: http://www.churchofengland.org/media/1475149/s-s%20marriage.pdf
The Church starts out by saying that it can’t support the gay marriage proposals. Ok fine. Everyones allowed an opinion… even if it is a bigoted one.
They continue to say: “Marriage benefits society in many ways, not only by promoting mutuality and fidelity” Sorry last time I checked the definition of fidelity was:
I find it a little (when I say a little, I mean ALOT) insulting that the church is brandishing all homosexuals incapable of fidelity. In fact I think considering 75% of marriages end in divorce, it isn’t ‘gay’ people who are incapable of fidelity.
The Church continues “material inequities between heterosexual and same-sex partnerships have now been satisfactorily addressed.”
Now I am not sure who they have consulted or who exactly it is that has judged that inequalities have been address, because it sure as hell ain’t my or millions of other homosexuals views. I won’t start spouting feminist rants now, but women are still not equal in society plus it was only 1992 that the Church of England allowed women priests, women are still not allowed to be bishops (unless your in Massachusetts) and wages are still not equal etc etc. So I am damn sure that ‘material inequalities’ have not been satisfactorily addressed.
Particularly because legally, civil partnerships DO NOT have the same legal status. I am not allowed to call my civil partnership a marriage, I am not allowed to call her my wife.
More to the point, I thought God was the only one who could ‘judge’.
They continue “We also believe that imposing for essentially ideological reasons a new meaning on a term as familiar and fundamental as marriage would be deeply unwise.” (as opposed to the ideological view of marriage with of a man and a women then?… hypocrites) how much more ideological do you want to get?
The Church says “Many, within the churches and beyond, dispute the right of any government to redefine an ages-old social institution in the way proposed.”
It continues: “The consultation paper wrongly implies that there are two categories of marriage, ―civil‖ and ―religious‖….The assertion that ―religious marriage‖ will be unaffected by the proposals is therefore untrue,”
Firstly there is a difference. Otherwise anyone who wasn’t religious couldn’t get married.
Secondly, the state has for centuries, precisely since the Marriage Act 1753 decreed that non religious people can marry… LEGALLY. CofE might not like it but its true and it’s the law. Get over it!
If you can’t then devolve the church from the state, there are plenty of countries in the EU who have. BUT stop trying to deny humans, equal rights.
The Church has also said in their consultation response: “Because we believe that the inherited understanding of marriage contributes a vast amount to the common good, our defence of that understanding is motivated by a concern for the good of all in society. “
I think you will find that I (a lesbian) am part of society thank you very much. It would do me the world of good if I could MARRY the women I love. Besides, as I have already pointed out 75% of marriages end in divorce, divorce has been scientifically proven to have a negative effect on children, so how much good can it really do?
Why would I want to get married then? You ask.
Whether or not I want it, really isn’t the point. I should be able to, this is about freedom and equality.
I have heard religious people on the news over the last couple of days say the following:
‘legalising gay marriage will make society and children suffer’
‘it will damage society’
‘But gay marriage, it says, is a step too far. Gay marriage, it says, would be “divisive” and “unwise”.’
I am beginning to use this phrase all too frequently, but serious are you on crack? Two loving parents irrelevant of gender is better than one single parent family or an abusive family unit.
SERIOUSLY being gay is not a choice. If there is a god then he made me this way, and I will stand proud on judgement day. Heck, the bible says that God made us in his image, WELL, wouldn’t that be a turn out for the books, not only could God be a women, but a lesbian; boy would I love to be there on some of the CofE’s judgement day’s to see their faces.
On a serious note, if there is a god, do you really think that he/she is full of hate, who hates anyone who aborts a rape baby, or a gay person, and sees those ‘sins’ as the same as the sins of a ‘pedophile’ I don’t think so. And if he does, then fuck it, I would rather be in hell.
I am not going to rant about the whole of the consultation response but on a last note. They write: “This distinctiveness and complementarity are seen most explicitly in the biological union of man and woman which potentially brings to the relationship the fruitfulness of procreation.”
Haven’t they heard of a sperm bank…??!!
In any new relationship there is a vast array of people that you need to meet. You would think that after nearly 3 and a half years of being together that we would have met most of them. You would be wrong.
My family live across the world. The gf’s all live in the UK, but for various political reasons she hadn’t seen some of them for several years give or take a decade!
In amongst the piles of work I have to do, she announces that we are going to meet her aunt, who I have barely heard of because they were estranged for so long. Obviously this comes at a perfect point in time, the weekend before an assignment is due in, an assignment that I have obviously not been conscientious with and therefore a week before the deadline have managed to write a title and sourced a couple of journal articles. Which currently lay unread under a pile of to do lists somewhere in the house!
Anyway, after a miserable failed attempt at getting some of my assignment done and being distracted with the bookshelf that clearly needed tidying that instant; I found myself dragging my heels but being the good wife and bundling myself into the car to meet yet more in laws!
Obviously they had to live miles away just to exhaust me some more, we eventually found them after a small unplanned detour… *cough…got lost…cough* In fairness they do live in the back end of no where surrounded by trees and fields, it all looked the same to me!
We arrived… eventually, and I have to say, I am not the best with new people. I can’t stand small talk, I think I missed that life lesson completely!
Then there is the actual introduction, and it’s always painfully awkward.
Firstly, you never really know the etiquette for each house, do you take off your shoes to be polite and not drag mud through their house, or do you keep them on to save looking like you have rocked up and made yourself at home instantly?
I took them off because they were boots.
Then you have to actually say hello.
This is difficult, you weigh up the situation strategically in the brief seconds you have before they move in to say hi. Do you go in for a hug and a kiss with total strangers or do you do the British hand shake.
Not being particularly tactile, and because it’s the first time I met them I went for the handshake.
They went for the hug.
So I effectively jabbed the gf’s aunt in the stomach before I had even got through the door.
Now they are pretty wealthy, and the house was
pristine clinically clean. I do like a clean house, (I am house proud) but this was ridiculous. I was terrified of breathing to saving a hair or dust particle falling off my clothes and onto their carpets. Which might I add were so white I was blinded on first glance.
I am possibly the clumsiest person I know, so white carpets and me are a massive no no.
Then they brought out the orderves. Which obviously I felt obliged to eat.
I was just hoping and praying that there was a vegetarian option, because if they had been all meat, the carpet wouldn’t have stay white for long!
There was, there was hummus! *phew*
Petrified of spilling something, I inhaled my orderve slightly too fast, and turned a nice shade of purple trying not to choke or have a coughing fit.
To be fair to the day it went fairly smoothly. Surprisingly I only made one fuck up!
At dinner, which I was trying ever so hard to eat politely and carefully, I managed to gesture far too elaborately and knock a chunk of food on their white carpet. I mean seriously who has white carpet in the dinning room? You are asking for trouble!
It was about this point that I was secretly wishing they had a dog or something to come and hoover it up before anyone noticed. But obviously they didn’t, the house was far too clean for such a beast!
I am somewhat, lets call it ‘snowed under’ at the moment.
With the wedding a mere couple of months away, a full time job, part-time Masters and therefore assignments literally suffocating me, I am dying. Mostly, dying metaphorically, but it feels real. Plus I swear I found a grey hair… or five.
Then theres the normal day to day things which take up an alarming amount of time when you have none; such as cooking, cleaning (and why is the house always messy when you have no time to clean, and more to the point why do you feel the need to clean it when you should be studying *screams procrastination* but if I know its procrastination why can’t I seem to stop tidying instead of studying?!). You have washing (clothes and myself!), feeding the cats, making lunch for work yada yada yada; you get the point, we all have to live.
Then when any normal human would have enough to do, my insanity kicks in and I decide to add various things that apparently I do
a) for shits and giggles
b) to turn myself grey even quicker
Like attempting to write my first novel, and trying to start up an amateur cake company and lose weight. What the F*** was I thinking, doing these things in my SPARE (ha) time .
AND obviously thats before I have a social life. Which I do enjoy.
or more importantly a relationship, with the future wife.
Basically I am failing in all aspects of life right now.
I fell off the side of the planet about 18 months ago
Drowned in to do lists months ago
Was lost to coffee addiction and exhaustion weeks ago
and finally popped my clogs and entered ‘hysteria’ this morning when I had to get up extra early to car share with a colleague, because obviously I can afford to lose another half hours sleep… why not…
It’s really not like the cats don’t wake me up on the hour every hour because they can’t decide whether or not they want to be in or out of the house, and without a cat flap, Sacha has to dutifully get out of bed to let them in an out at all hours of the morning! Whos idea was it to have pets anyway, idiot.
Whilst I am on this rant, why is it with weddings that you get through one to do list, and twenty more appear… literally? Ok not twenty, but more, definitely more!
We finished a to do list, and I must have been momentarily on crack to enjoy the fleeting pleasure that crossing off the last item gave me. Because in that instant the gf turned round and asked me to write another one for all the other things we have to do, the fucking thing was twice as long.
And with that, I felt the last shred of hope that was clinging desperately to my soul being ripped out mercilessly!